Strong feelings but too shy to say

kell11

I met a lovely man about year ago.. we spent some nice times together but it was over before it really began. There was fantastic attraction and chemistry between us but life got in the way and like I said it never really progressed. We stay in touch sometimes by text but thats about it. The main killers for anything starting properly were long distance between us and he spends alot , alot of time training for triathlons.
Anyway lately I think about contacting him to state how strong my feelings were for him.. will he think I am crazy/ run a mile... I know I have nothing to lose .. but I am shy about this and also dont want to be a laughing stock... what to do ...what to do??

Sephiroth_dude

kell11 wrote: »

I met a lovely man about year ago.. we spent some nice times together but it was over before it really began. There was fantastic attraction and chemistry between us but life got in the way and like I said it never really progressed. We stay in touch sometimes by text but thats about it. The main killers for anything starting properly were long distance between us and he spends alot , alot of time training for triathlons.
Anyway lately I think about contacting him to state how strong my feelings were for him.. will he think I am crazy/ run a mile... I know I have nothing to lose .. but I am shy about this and also dont want to be a laughing stock... what to do ...what to do??

Well you won't be a laughing stock I can tell you that much, its takes guts too tell someone how you feel about them, even if he rejects you, at least you'll know and can move on with your life and if he laughs in your face well then you'll know the kind of man he really is and know you deserve better.

Hormoney1980

Go for it! If he's not in the same place it will still be a wonderful thing for him to hear... If he is, then roll on the good times!

kell11

I guess the fear of unrequited feelings are stopping me too.. I also was hoping he would say something first.... he is not the type of guy to laugh in my face but he might be more of a realist and just see it for what it was... a fling that went nowhere.. a dagger to my romantic notions

Johngoose

I would thread lightly op.Sure go out of your way to meet up with him, when he's free, or ask him to go for a pint/ coffee.Id leave the declarations of love to Hollywood movies.

c montgomery

Tell him, I spent years regretting not telling someone how I felt only to discover that they had the same feelings when it was too late.

kell11

Johngoose wrote: »

I would thread lightly op.Sure go out of your way to meet up with him, when he's free, or ask him to go for a pint/ coffee.Id leave the declarations of love to Hollywood movies.

Yes... that is probably the best route ..I just need to hear opinions. I don't want to scare the bejaysus out of him.

osarusan

By the sounds of it the relationship is petering out anyway. So if you express your strong feelings and it doesn't work, the relationship will probably end - but as you say, you've nothing to lose.

If this guy is as nice as you say, I don't know why you'd be a laughing stock. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I doubt he's going to behave in a cruel or immature way.

So I think you should go for it - not pouring your heart out to him, but make it clear how you feel.

All that said, would distance still be an issue, and is he still training just as hard as he was? Would you just end up in a similar situation somewhere down the line?

Bambi985

kell11 wrote: »

There was fantastic attraction and chemistry between us but life got in the way and like I said it never really progressed. We stay in touch sometimes by text but thats about it. The main killers for anything starting properly were long distance between us and he spends alot , alot of time training for triathlons.

What has changed that would make a relationship feasible for you both now? I'd think about that and weigh it against the potential outcome of getting in touch.

A few years ago I was in a similar position except I was in your guy's shoes - a guy I'd dated and had wonderful chemistry with but who had subsequently fallen off the radar got in touch out of the blue expressing strong feelings. Our circumstances hadn't changed - he was living far from me, life was busy for us both - and although we started dating again those factors were a bridge too far. My feelings weren't the same for him as I was becoming a bit irritated by all this talk and no action and things fazed out fairly swiftly.

Get in touch by all means but don't let your feelings overtake your ability to be pragmatic and realistic. Can anything actually progress here given your circumstances?

LegacyUser

By all means tell him if you feel it will help you, but I'd be 99% sure you already have your answer, if someone chooses a sport over you, they've told you what they think of you. If he valued the relationship, he'd have prioritised it. People make efforts for relationships and overcome far bigger obstacles that a sporting commitment. I say this as someone who was a full time athlete and who still puts a huge amount of time into it, but my relationships come first.

kell11

I agree with everything ye are saying.. ..ie proper relationship unlikely to ever happen with distance , training etc.. just wishful thinking really on my behalf... but sometimes you just want to go with your heart and see where it goes ..come what may..
I think I will express how I feel anyway at some stage and at least then I won't regret never doing so.. damn..why is the good stuff in life so difficult to hold on to

nhunter100

kell11 wrote:

I think I will express how I feel anyway at some stage and at least then I won't regret never doing so.. damn..why is the good stuff in life so difficult to hold on to

THIS.
Good luck hope it works out....nothing ventured, nothing gained.