Don't know how to feel!!

KKkitty

This evening I had to file a complaint with the guards for the first time. A former classmate has been harassing me over Facebook messenger for about 7 years on and off. He thought he was my oldest son's dad and started sending me links to DNA testing sites and then wanting to meet my other son. My kids have no biological link to him so I blocked him on Facebook. I thought he'd get the hint but he decided to contact my siblings today about me. I was shaking in the guards and I just feel a bit numb now.

EmmaH1997

Hi OP - hope you're are doing as ok as you can be in this situation .

This lad obviously has serious problems to be contacting you over a 7 year period and then going even further to talk to your siblings . I think tbh you're lucky he didn't get in touch with your children . Do your children know about this man espesh your oldest son, as he is the man's main focus ?

This info may be helpful to you in that you will know what the law can do to help you .

``Any person who ... by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or comunicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.
``A person harasses another where he or she intentionally or recklessly seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm (and) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy ...''

Sentences range from 12 months' imprisonment and a ?1,500 fine, up to seven years if convicted on indictment. In addition a judge may order a stalker to keep a specified distance from his victim for a specified time.

KKkitty

My head is all over the place now. I know I did the right thing but I've never been in a situation like this before. I told nobody about it over the last 7 years. I thought I could cope with it by myself. I didn't want to worry anyone either.

Fakediamond

Hi OP! I hope Gardai took your concerns seriously.

Close or lock down your FB page. Do not communicate or respond to this man in any way, by text, call, in person etc. Make sure your family and friends don't tell him anything about you either. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live or work, so he cannot turn up in person. This isn't really about your son, it's more harassment/stalking type behaviour really. If he really thought it was about paternity, he would have gone to a solicitor and requested a DNA test in a proper manner.

Read up on this type of behaviour, forewarned is forearmed, as they say.

Most of all, don't blame yourself, this is all on him and hopefully, now that you've taken steps to address his behaviour, he'll get out of your life once and for all.

Best of luck to you.

KKkitty

He knows where I live. When he was first messaging me he seemed nice and normal. He asked where I live and I gave him the estate name but not the house number. Wasn't long after that that he was outside my house. I didn't invite him in. I just talked to him outside.

Fakediamond

Just disengage, no more communicating, he's probably feeding off the interaction, the sooner you cut it off, the better.

KKkitty

Fakediamond wrote: »

Just disengage, no more communicating, he's probably feeding off the interaction, the sooner you cut it off, the better.

I did cease contact but then he started messaging my siblings today.

Taltos

You need to fully brief them.
Gits like this only have "power" when secrets are kept.
Let them know what he's been saying and what steps you've taken and ask for their support. Definitely let them know you've been to the gardai and their assistance might be needed down the line - just in case any are feeling brave if you get my gist.

Good call on seeking help though, keep in touch with them and ask for regular updates or advice on what you should do next.

KKkitty

Taltos wrote: »

You need to fully brief them.
Gits like this only have "power" when secrets are kept.
Let them know what he's been saying and what steps you've taken and ask for their support. Definitely let them know you've been to the gardai and their assistance might be needed down the line - just in case any are feeling brave if you get my gist.

Good call on seeking help though, keep in touch with them and ask for regular updates or advice on what you should do next.

The guards have my number so they said they'd call me and keep me up to date with it. My family were really good today. I showed the guard some of the messages too. I do feel like I let it go too far though. Me not wanting to worry others wasn't great.

AnneFrank

Why does he think he's the dad, did you have a relationship, would a DNA test not resolve this once and for all?

KKkitty

AnneFrank wrote: »

Why does he think he's the dad, did you have a relationship, would a DNA test not resolve this once and for all?

We had a one night stand years ago. My son was born way before that though. He seemed to get it into his head that he was.

Fakediamond

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, OP. You did the right thing by going to the guards. Just make sure your friends and family do not communicate with him either. Let the guards deal with him now, stalking is an offence and he can be prosecuted.

Keep any messages that he has already sent you and keep a note of of any contact that he continues to make. That's all you can do for now. And no matter how tempting, DO NOT communicate with him, and that includes your nearest and dearest as well, no contact whatsoever, it's the only way.

AnneFrank

KKkitty wrote: »

We had a one night stand years ago. My son was born way before that though. He seemed to get it into his head that he was.

Sorry to hear that, like fakediamond said, say nout and keep his messages

tracey turnblad

The guards will be able to freeze his Facebook account and download your with all the evidence. Deactivate your accounts by for now and ask your siblings to block him, thatnshould stop him for now. Hopefully a word from the guards may be enough to stop him

KKkitty

Why do I feel so bad though? I know I wasn't to know he'd message my family but why couldn't he have just left me alone?

Taltos

Its only natural to feel bad, or guilty or whatever other negative emotion you can imagine - this is exactly what predators count on. They want you to feel that way as a means of control.

Don't feel bad. Instead readirect that initially to anger to burn up that guilt, you've done nothing wrong here. And then once you no longer feel bad make out a positive plan to get your life back so you an enjoy yourself without this fool turning up when and where you least expect him.

Even practise some interactions for when he does turn up, whether its in the shop or on the street.
> measured disinterest on your face, is a good one.

Just don't feed into anything that reinforces whatever is going on in his head. If you don't react he doesn't get fed...

Fakediamond

Please don't feel bad, this is about his bad behaviour, not yours. You are an innocent victim of his ongoing harassment and now you're dealing with it. Stay strong and ask your family and friends for support. This is not your fault.

As Taltos says, it's righteous anger you should be feeling, you didn't ask for this. He's upping his "game" now because you blocked him and he lost his "fix". That's why he went to your family, make sure they're not taken in by any "poor me" approaches from him.

KKkitty

Thanks for your posts everyone. I felt like I was in a soap opera today especially with going to the guards. I did feel relieved talking about it but hit a slump when I got home.

KKkitty

The guards got back to me there now. He's been warned not to contact me or my family again. He was ranting and raving. The guards said he wouldn't come down to the door but spoke to them from his bedroom window. The guard also said it's clear he's not all there and it looks like he's a lad that stays in his bedroom smoking weed all day.

Fakediamond

That's great that they acted so quickly. Hopefully thats the end of it now.

Keep an eye out for him for a while, make sure he's not hanging around your home or work, although if he's constantly smoking weed, he won't have much motivation or drive to be following you around!

If there's any further contact, report it to Gardai and let them deal with it.

Best of luck to you.

KKkitty

Fakediamond wrote: »

That's great that they acted so quickly. Hopefully thats the end of it now.

Keep an eye out for him for a while, make sure he's not hanging around your home or work, although if he's constantly smoking weed, he won't have much motivation or drive to be following you around!

If there's any further contact, report it to Gardai and let them deal with it.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you. I'm on edge over it still. I deactivated my account on Facebook too to be on the safe side. I can always go back to it. At least the guards saw how he was themselves.