Housemate doesn't like me

LegacyUser

I don't think my housemate likes me and i don't know why. I've been in a house share with three more for the past two years. I think I'm a considerate housemate, i pay rent and bills on time. I do my share of housework, i clean up after myself, i empty bins etc.

Since Christmas, there has been a new housemate that took over one of the rooms. She pays rent, bills and cleans up after herself. When it comes to other household things, she won't do it.

She isn't the best on cleaning. She won't use the dishwasher. She tries to wash her dishes but she doesn't do the best job and we have found dirty dishes back in the press. I found my other housemate taking her things she put back into the press like bowls and plates into the dishwasher. I presume she won't use the dishwasher because it's shared and she might have to empty the whole thing at times. She will however use bins but won't take them out. I don't like that kind of attitude that somebody else will do it. Last week she pulled up the sides of the plastic bin bag rather than take out the bin.

So anything that is shared, she won't do it. I'm having an issue with her lately in that, she moves my things. I have little space in my press, so i leave my bread on the table. Nobody ever had an issue with the bread on the table. This housemate however would come in and pick it up and fling it across the table. There is space on the table, nobody has ever complained. I'm not liking the attitude of her picking up my bread and throwing it aside. I wouldn't mind if she was cleaning and tidying but she's not. And it's not in her way. I don't mind if she said something to me about it but she won't.

After a few weeks of this, i started to move her things. It was probably not the best behaviour to tackle what she was doing. I hated doing it but i bought a bread bin and that sorted that issue.

I thought it was cleared up, the issue has been sorted but it's not. It's not even a week with the new bread bin and last night the dishwasher was on and when it's on we just do a small pile up of dishes until it's done. By a small pile up, i mean my other housemate had a small plate and knife at the side of the sink.

I woke up this morning to find my housemate's plate and knife on top of my sandwich maker which this other housemate saw me use earlier in the evening. This was the first time she saw me use the sandwich maker so i presume she didn't know who owed it but now that she knows i own it it's OK to leave things on top of it.

I think she's doing this at this stage because she doesn't like me. I don't understand why. She couldn't move my bread, so she moves on to moving dishes. Moving anyone's dishes into my way.

I don't understand why she's doing this. This isn't an issue for the landlord so I'm not looking to get him involved. We're grown adults and shouldn't have to have the landlord in an issue like this. So I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for. Am i in the wrong here? Having my bread on the table? Having a sandwich maker on the counter? I should say there is space to prepare food. I wish she would tell me what the problem is. My other housemate's dishes seems to be my problem as well.

What do i do with someone like this? I hate saying things.

Dial Hard

Your thread title is extremely misleading, tbh, because it's very clear that it's you that doesn't like her, not the other way around.

Just sit down and have an adult conversation with her. This tit-for-tat business of moving her stuff in "retaliation" for her moving yours is ridiculously juvenile.

And yes, someone storing their bread on the table and sandwich maker on the counter would drive me demented.

Eimee90

You are both being childish and you seem to really dislike her as much as you feel she does you.

You say you are both adults, start behaving like one and talk to her instead of this nonsense of moving each others belongings around. Im sorry but there are so many serious issues people have to deal with on a daily basis. This is not one of them. sort it like a grown up

unknowngirl!!

Put your things away. Bread on the table all of the time would drive me crazy.

You clearly don't like your new house mate. It's difficult to know how she feels about you. I'd move your things too if they were in the way. Just because she doesn't remove the bins or do any shared jobs doesn't mean she has an issue with you in particular. Be an adult and just ask her out straight rather than being petty getting revenge moving her things.

LegacyUser

Dial Hard wrote: »

Your thread title is extremely misleading, tbh, because it's very clear that it's you that doesn't like her, not the other way around.

Just sit down and have an adult conversation with her. This tit-for-tat business of moving her stuff in "retaliation" for her moving yours is ridiculously juvenile.

And yes, someone storing their bread on the table and sandwich maker on the counter would drive me demented.

If it drove her mad, why could she not say it to me. I'm not a mind reader. It's​ not hers to move. As i said already, i wouldn't mind if she was cleaning but she doesn't clean. She never had an issue with the sandwich maker until she saw me using it. By leaving other housemate's things on top, i don't know what she's trying to tell me. If all this is in her way, she won't look at herself and she has no problem leaving her dirty dishes on the draining board for days on end. So she expects the rest of us to take it all but doesn't like the fact that other people also live in the place. No body ever had an issue with my things and by doing this, i don't understand what she's telling me.

In reply to another poster, i know by not taking the bins out is not towards me, it's just her being lazy and just a lack of respect to the others that do. Somebody else can do it. I have asked her already to take out the bins but she has only done it once after being asked to.

I don't exactly love her behaviour. But by moving my things and passing on my housemates dishes as mine, i don't get it. I thought i might have solved the problem by getting a bread bin but then she tried to pass on my housemates dishes as mine. I just don't understand why she tried to do this.

It's nasty behaviour. I know i haven't dealt with the issue by being nasty back towards her. I thought i could avoid the issue by getting a bread bin. I know i have to speak up. But i don't know how.

What ever about the bread I can't see why anyone would have an issue keeping a sandwich maker on the counter? This is normal behaviour to have toasters, George foremans, airfryers etc on a counter. They are used regulalry so why would they be put away. Also the op said they don't even have space to but the bread away so how can they put away a sandwich maker. The bread once it's in a bread bin I don't think is a big deal either, it's pretty normal in a household for bread to be kept on a counter in a bread bin.

These little tit for tats are unfortunately part of life when housesharing, I was nearly always in the middle of one with different people at different times when I houseshared it's just the way it is living with strangers.

Dial Hard

I mean this in the nicest possible way, Nox, but I think it's fair to say that your idea of neat & tidy doesn't fit with most people's and advising someone that tit-for-tat behaviour is normal in a houseshare isn't helpful, imo.

OP, regardless of whether or not you think you're in the right here, conflict resolution is an invaluable skill in life, not just in houseshare situations. Sit down and talk to her. As you said, you're both adults.

LegacyUser

Freya Zealous Sledgehammer wrote: »

What ever about the bread I can't see why anyone would have an issue keeping a sandwich maker on the counter? This is normal behaviour to have toasters, George foremans, airfryers etc on a counter. They are used regulalry so why would they be put away. Also the op said they don't even have space to but the bread away so how can they put away a sandwich maker. The bread once it's in a bread bin I don't think is a big deal either, it's pretty normal in a household for bread to be kept on a counter in a bread bin.

These little tit for tats are unfortunately part of life when housesharing, I was nearly always in the middle of one with different people at different times when I houseshared it's just the way it is living with strangers.

Thank you for this. Last week she was having a barbecue outside the back with her boyfriend. She had things all over the kitchen counter inside that you couldn't do anything. Not only that is had the TV on in the living room and no one watching it. So she was claiming the whole entire downstairs of the house for the evening. But it's a house share that I'm in. This happens. How she doesn't think her stuff is in the way but then seems to have some kind of an issue with my things. I'm not sure exactly what because it's OK for her to take up space in the house. This is why I'm thinking that she has an issue with me and this is her way of saying it.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Bread on the table and sandwich maker on the counter might be annoying (I wouldn't care but ok) but throwing bread around and moving someone's dishes to on top of the sandwich maker that's annoying you is MENTAL.

Ye obviously got off on the wrong foot, obviously neither of ye is a particularly direct communicator. It's not going to get better. Have you talked to the other people in the house? She clearly rubbed you up the wrong way from the start with the no shared chores thing, is it possible you're jumping to conclusions that she's specifically targeting you, or was there anything in your behaviour in the early days ('subtle' little reactions to bins, dishes etc?) that might have made her target you?

You can either put up with it or talk to her OP, it's seriously the only two options. The sandwich maker plate thing gives you a good opening in fairness.

Dial Hard

Dial Hard wrote: »

I mean this in the nicest possible way, Nox, but I think it's fair to say that your idea of neat & tidy doesn't fit with most people's and advising someone that tit-for-tat behaviour is normal in a houseshare isn't helpful, imo.

You are way way off the mark, I am a very tidy person and hate mess and clutter in the house (one of the reasons I could no longer put up with housesharing). However its very normal to have kitchen implements permanently on the counter, do you put the kettle and toaster away when my using it? Bread in a bread bin is always normal, it's where bread has always been kept in the family home and in most other houses I've been in over the years.

As for tit for tat happening is houseshares, it's a fact that this regularly happenes. I'm not saying that the op shouldn't try to sort it out but the fact it's happening is hardly unheard of in the world of housesharing.

Eimee90

whatsherproblem wrote:

It's nasty behaviour. I know i haven't dealt with the issue by being nasty back towards her. I thought i could avoid the issue by getting a bread bin. I know i have to speak up. But i don't know how.

But she's not being nasty, maybe unorganised but not nasty

cloudatlas

talk to the nice housemate about a bin rota, i.e. black and white names on a note pinned to the walls and a tick beside your names when it's done but as for the other stuff, it's a bit petty.

KVA60

OP how long have you been housesharing? I'm not trying to be harsh but I've been housesharing for 10 years this kind of stuff wouldn't bother me in the slightest. It's extremely petty and I can understand your frustration. I had a housemate that used to tidy my stuff up around the house and stick it on the stairs. I wanted to kill her over it as I saw it as rude. Then I had another housemate who never hoovered or mopped etc for the first few months but decided to declutter the whole kitchen, moving everyone's stuff around to different presses etc and complained that no one ever cleaned. I had another housemate who literally moved her boyfriend and never went anywhere, leaving us not able to use the sitting room. I had another who left front doors wide open and smoked in the house incessantly. I woke up one morning and found a pit bull on my couch. My tolerance levels are pretty high but the majority of housemates I've had I still keep in touch with. I've learned to let the little things slide and realize we all have our quirks. Housesharing is sh*te but you have to choose your battles. If she doesn't start cleaning but is happy to passive aggressively move your stuff around, mention in conversation that you and your other housemate are thinking of getting a cleaner in.

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AidanadiA

So could it be that you guys are currently clashing.

You seem to be taking everything she does as a slight against you. Why is she bothering you so much? Is it that she ultimately doesn't chip in?

If she's as untidy as you say, then her moving the bread could be just that she like to spread out. Moving the stuff on top of the sandwich maker- was it her? You actually saw her move it? Maybe someone moved it out of the way so they could use the sink, not actually thinking "Yes, this will drive 'em mad! Muah muh muh."<insert evil laugh>.

I totally clashed with the last housemates I had. I mean I took everything to heart, in the end I left because it was horrible. Years later two of us happened to bump into each other got talking and I was just as irritating for her as she was for me.

A house meeting might work where you all get to air your issues and try to resolve the tension.

Its a horrible place to be living when you don't feel like you can just be you.

hi OP
Could you contact one of the mod team please?
Cheers