How do ye get over the breakdown of a relationship?

runningbuddy

Hi folks....I started a relationship with a guy over a year ago. My first relationship after my marriage broke up. My marriage broke up a long time ago but with 3 children, I hesitated dating again. I didn't intend to but it just happened. The guy was/is great. I fell deeply in love but a few weeks ago, I noticed he was distant. Knew what has coming. He has met someone else. Re-kindled an old flame. A girl he had been in love with. I am gutted:(. I know there is nothing I can do, suck it up. I feel silly to feel like this. I am 42, not a teenager.

Any tips/advice?? thanks

LegacyUser

I'm going through something very similar so I feel your pain. I guess talking to close friends and family is helping a little, deleting all reminders of him helped. Trying to distract myself when I feel like I'm dwelling on him/ wondering what he's doing. It's **** though, and there's no magic cure to get through it..it'll take time, but you will slowly start to feel better. Look after yourself X

BetsyEllen

Sadly there's no magic cure. You've had your heart broken and recovery can take some time. Your age makes no difference, love is love.

Let yourself grieve it and feel down for a while - there's nothing wrong with that. I find it hurts more to bottle something up and pretend it's fine.
A good cry is good for the soul now and again.

Then there's the old clichéd advice of block him on everything such a Facebook so you're not seeing things pop up. The last thing you want to see is a picture of him and the other woman together.
It's hard to do but it is for the best in the long run.

Keep busy, which I'm sure with 3 kids you won't find hard to do.
When you feel yourself getting sad or particularly down, try to distract yourself. Give a friend a call, go for a walk, do some cooking or cleaning - anything that will stop you from sitting there thinking about it.

I went through an awful heartbreak myself so you have my complete sympathy; I hope I never experience it again.
I was really bad and thought I would never feel anything but grief again.
But a year on I'm grand. It just went away with time, although it did feel like forever whilst it was going on.

I think my problem was I wasn't used to being alone so found it hard to adjust; however you had a lot of time without a partner before this happened so hopefully you will find it easier than I did.

Hope you're OK and feeling much better soon.

runningbuddy

Thank you Betsy:( I'm sorry you went through it too. It's rotten. He is a wonderful guy...it hurts but he was honest with me so I can't fault him for that.

Hooked

runningbuddy wrote: »

Thank you Betsy:( I'm sorry you went through it too. It's rotten. He is a wonderful guy...it hurts but he was honest with me so I can't fault him for that.

Just stumbled across this thread. Sorry to hear OP. But what stands out for me is this. Honesty.

He didn't string you along or cause you further pain by hiding it. He was up front. Respectful. The opposite is much harder to understand and come back from. I've been there.

Chin up. Life is short! We're only here for a good time - not a long time. I only found the love of my live in my late 30's. I'm married 2 years and almost 40. She was worth the wait, pain and bad times.

Looking back... I wallowed for far too long. Judged everyone on the behaviour of an ex. I regret the time wasted feeling bitter/sorry for myself.

You seem grounded, mature and level headed. Keep yourself open to another relationship - and enjoy the next guy that walks into your life.

LegacyUser

Firstly my heart goes out to you. The pain and heart break of a relationship ending for whatever reason can be devastating so firstly *massive hugs*. Being a slightly older lady falling in love and a relationship ending can be devastating so just take a few deep breaths when it gets too much.

You need to remember:
– He was honest, to be lied to and strung along for a couple of years would have been worse. Its ****ty he ended up in a relationship while you cope with the fall out but there was no lies and no bull****.

– You are not and never will be second choice, he chose to be with someone else and it stings like hell but you have also made a choice (inadvertently I know) not to be second best. You will never take him back.

– Realise that you can love again, this hurt is proof you care/love deeply and have alot to offer.

– Be open to the future, this particular door has closed but there are many, many other doors out the door to open.



There never is an easy fix to get over a break up, I hate to say time is a healer but the small day in-day out things can also help massively.

– Go connect with friends, talk it out, reach out to people when things get really bad, explain you just hurting and need to either talk or just have a good ole chinwag with friends/family.

– Do one nice thing for yourself at least once a day... something small but something will make you feel good. Eat a slice of yummy cake, bubble bath, make your favourite dish, go for a walk, pet a dog/cat, go for a walk, go do a yoga class/exercise just one small thing that makes you feel good about yourself or something that you enjoy.

– Go watch a silly movie by yourself or with friends, I always found my brain switched off completely when plonked in front of a wide screen. Netflix was good, to get engrossed in an amazing TV series always helped as it gave my brain a switch off from the ****ty thoughts.

– One of those hobbies you always wanted to try, just go do it.

– I know you have three kids and can imagine it can be hectic but volunteer, one of the nicest and busiest weekend I had was when i volunteered and it gave me all the good feels.

– Cry, cry and cry, let it out. When it gets on top of you just let those tears flow. Better out than in, then go do something nice for just you after crying over him. Remember your tears are better cried on someone more important.

– Dont interact with him, distance yourself from him completely, i cant say this enough the best break ups are the complete cut-offs.

– Be careful around alcohol, depending on how upset you are, just go easy on the drink for a while. Alcohol can sometime lead to really bad decisions, i.e. drunken texts/rebounds. Be mindful of your emotional state.

– Plan ahead. If you are finding it hard to cope from week to week, I got a diary and used to write down lists of stuff to do/see, like bringing all my old clothes to the charity shop, the attic that never got cleared out... the cupboard filled with crap. Or I used to look up free events around the country, things I always wanted to see but never did, these all got marked in my diary before long I was too busy doing/seeing/going that you actually advent thought about him in a while.

– If you are finding absolute no comfort and are still struggling massively you could also try a counsellor, I know this can be expensive but sometime impartial advice can be a wonderful insight and give you a deep explanation why this has hit you so hard.

– Be kind to yourself OP. Remind yourself you are and never will be second choice.

Hope some of this helps you and remember you aren't alone x

runningbuddy

Thanks hooked. I know, he was honest and I have to respect him for that:(. Hurts like hell. Am trying to focus on his flaws but can't think of any!!

Tigger99

Well he had one big flaw, he didn't feel the same way.

Ah it is crap. I found time, exercise and staying away from alcohol helped. It does get better.

runningbuddy

Well he had one big flaw, he didn't feel the same way.

lol, very true....am trying to keep busy. In work today and the house has never been cleaner..kids don't know what's happening lol!!