Cant get girl out of my head

LegacyUser

Well it is no easy task explaining the situation I'm in with a girl.
I first crossed paths with her this time last year, I figured she was interested in me as she couldn't stop staring at me whenever I was around. She would also hang around me and listen to my conversations. Being shy and not knowing any of her immediate friends I kept my distance. We would go on nights out and she would be around me watching who I was talking to until we would make eye contact whereby she would give me the signal to make a move on her. I just couldn't pull the trigger as my intuition told me there was something going on behind the scenes. This was a wise decision as months later I discovered her past. Now I did try and figure her out by adding her on facebook which was quite revealing to say the least. It also became apparent that she is big into her star signs and I am most compatible with her particular star sign. But I have discovered that her activity would co-inside with me being online. It gave me the impression she was lurking/creeping on my facebook activity quite a bit. Now I did contact her with the intention of meeting with her in person with no response. Basically the time has come for me to remove her as I feel that its not right for her to see what I'm getting up to whilst I do not properly know her. So I think removing her after being the person who sent the friend request is quite rude. Do I pursue her one last time by messaging her? Just remove her without explanation or what would be the best course of action.

Hannibal_Smith

So you're interested in a girl and wanted to find out more about her, so added her on fb so you could do that. Only to find she's been looking you up too? Why would that freak you out? She's in to star signs, how would she even know what your star sign is?

Anyhow, are you still in touch with her? If not, just delete and let bygones be bygones. If you are, could you not just put her in a group and change your settings so she can't see your updates?

LegacyUser

I am very much interested in closure at this point. The intention of adding her on facebook was to see if she was in a relationship at the time. She was single so I asked her to meetup. She has seen my D.O.B based on past birthday posts. A year has now passed, she has since been in and out of a relationship in that period. I am not in touch with her, she knows mutual friends that I see quite often. I can't put her in a group as she will still see posts I like & comment under. I do feel I've walked into a heavy situation given before I added her she hadn't many posts. She had also deactivated and reactivated her account several times in the space of 3 months. She has not once deactivated her account since I added her.

milli milli

Now I did contact her with the intention of meeting with her in person with no response.

So you 'asked her out' but she didn't reply?
Not good, I'm afraid.
I would just 'hide' her from your timeline and limit what she sees on yours, by adding her to a restricted category.
I wouldn't bother unadding her. She may never know you unadded her but there is a chance she might.
I've had acquaintances unadd me in the past and I've always wondered why they did so. I always felt awkward around them when I did see them in the real world.

LegacyUser

milli milli wrote: »

So you 'asked her out' but she didn't reply?
Not good, I'm afraid.
I would just 'hide' her from your timeline and limit what she sees on yours, by adding her to a restricted category.
I wouldn't bother unadding her. She may never know you unadded her but there is a chance she might.
I've had acquaintances unadd me in the past and I've always wondered why they did so. I always felt awkward around them when I did see them in the real world.

Yeah, I've limited quite a bit. Unadding her is the problem here, I'm 100% certain she will know I've removed her. I've been in the same situation myself, I felt removed unfairly by people in the past who wanted to re-add me but I declined as 'they made their bed etc...'
There is more to this then what I've already said. The girl was very friendly with another girl whom also showed interest in me. From what I believe to be caused by the group effect. Now the strange thing about this is they both share the same star sign so maybe that was also something to do with her friend taking a liking for me. Now I did add her friend a few days before adding the girl I like. So I found a post one day on facebook of her friend tagging her and saying isn't there a guy you fancy <insert nickname> to which she replied that I was a stunner. Now I did get talking to her friend on facebook about work etc.. nothing suggestive but I did ask if I could meet with her. I did not state that my intention was to talk about her friend and to explain that I knew of her friends past which I know for a fact she is privy to but I didn't have a problem with. Basically I wanted closure through her friend but that went unanswered so here I am. The gist of what I want to say to the girl is that I didn't make a move because I felt something was up, I then figured out what it was and in hindsight it would have taken me time to come to terms with but we could have still dated. If I remove one, both will have to go. The girl I'm interested in is out of a relationship, her friend who I believe still likes me is now in a relationship. All of our mutual friends seem to be willing to provide these girls with information based on what I talk to them about. So I'm looking at a situation of removing roughly 14 people at this point. They are all just colleagues which would make life a little difficult but I could live with the awkwardness knowing my future privacy is intact. The girls have gone their separate ways and it appears they just maintain their friendship through social media, facebook, instagram, snapchat. I do not want their friendship to be based on what is going on in my life with every picture or post I make being a topic of conversation for these girls.

Mr. Incognito

My God you are overthinking this.

Ask her out or move on.

Xterminator

Hi Op

life's too short to play silly games. If you like her act on it. ask her out for a coffee and a chat. let her know you are interested and single (but she already knows that).

If it doesnt work out so be it. the rest doesnt matter.

X

rainbowtrout

hang on, you think both of these girls like you because they have the same star sign?

The first girl according to you made it clear that she was interested in you, but you didn't respond(granted she could have made the first move, but anyway). Eventually you did ask her to meet up and she didn't respond. You reckon she's been creeping on your FB account, but you've been doing the exact same thing to her. And now your biggest worry is that someone you don't care about will be worried that you've deleted them from your FB?

Just delete her, it's not like she's going to send you a message asking you why.

LegacyUser

I thought both liked me based on how they acted when I was around plus they both went out of their way to be in my company on several occasions. The star sign thing isn't that important I suppose but it was one of their common interests based on what I've seen on facebook. Yeah at the beginning I did creep but that was for a month then I moved on. Now they consistently keep tabs on my activity even to this day. I go long stints without logging into my facebook and I will occasionally get an email saying <girls name> has posted a picture or whatever. The weight of all of this is due to the secret that the original girl has been keeping within herself. I could tell when I first saw her but its something that does effect her daily and I do believe that her first relationship ended on this premise. The last time I saw this girl in person was November last year whilst out with friends. She was with her bf at the time. They were quite intimate & I glanced to see if it was who I thought. Soon after she broke up which is very strange considering they did go out for a few months...

witchgirl26

OP you're way over thinking this. You do not have to remove 14 people just because they may or may not interact with 1 person you do want to remove on FB. I got removed by someone who I would have considered a friend before (hadn't talked in a while) & I didn't notice for about 3 months. This is possibly harsh but no one will care half as much as you do. And it doesn't send any notifications to anyone saying you've removed them. If you want to remove these 2 girls, just do. If you want to ask one of them out - do it & not in a vague way. Sometimes people do miss messages on facebook.

stargazer 68

The_Bouncer wrote: »

Now they consistently keep tabs on my activity even to this day.
How do you know??


I go long stints without logging into my facebook and I will occasionally get an email saying <girls name> has posted a picture or whatever.


Standard FB - nothing to do with keeping tabs on you.

The weight of all of this is due to the secret that the original girl has been keeping within herself. I could tell when I first saw her but its something that does effect her daily and I do believe that her first relationship ended on this premise.


Again nothing to do with you.


Soon after she broke up which is very strange considering they did go out for a few months...

People break up all the time

Honestly OP you are tying yourself in knots overthinking this whole thing. Delete them if you want to - I would guess they won't even notice or care.

redfox123

Seriously how the hell do you know they are keeping tabs on you?? This is bizarre! Unless you are constantly getting private messages to just you or they are posting directly on your personal wall, commenting on your pictures etc, then you have no idea whether they are even still aware you're on fb. Well I wish I had your self assurance and confidence anyway to be so sure these girls like you and are constantly stalking you
You don't know if someone likes you until you ask them out and they say yes and they show real interest, say they like you and you continue to date. Anything else is really either a projection of what you want, or a vague interpretation of their behaviour which is usually meaningless or people just being friendly or even just not liking you. A person liking you/not liking you means nothing unless they or you do something (clearly) that acts on it.
Your fixation on something as trivial as starsigns is worrisome.
If you want to remove someone remove them, seriously no one cares. If you want to ask them out do it in person if possible, or if you happen to be private chatting on fb, as sometimes a random message will not be seen.