I dont know how to do it

tastyt

Im new to this section and I dont really know if I should be here.

Im a fairly normal guy, normal job, have no problem going out for pints and getting pretty drunk with the lads, usually passes without problem and great fun is had.

However about 4/5 times in my life I have completely ruined relationships and my life by my actions on a night out, im 35 by the way.

Im a shy person that enjoys alcohol to come out of myself but cant control it.

It happened again at the weekend and I feel that its happened one too many times, im depressed and know im a good person when im not drinking.

The thing is I dont drink that much at all, if I told my friends and family that im giving it up because I have a drink problem they would laugh at me.

Is AA an option for me or is that for a different type of problem? Sorry for sounding so ignorant about this

JamboMac

tastyt wrote: »

Im new to this section and I dont really know if I should be here.

Im a fairly normal guy, normal job, have no problem going out for pints and getting pretty drunk with the lads, usually passes without problem and great fun is had.

However about 4/5 times in my life I have completely ruined relationships and my life by my actions on a night out, im 35 by the way.

Im a shy person that enjoys alcohol to come out of myself but cant control it.

It happened again at the weekend and I feel that its happened one too many times, im depressed and know im a good person when im not drinking.

The thing is I dont drink that much at all, if I told my friends and family that im giving it up because I have a drink problem they would laugh at me.

Is AA an option for me or is that for a different type of problem? Sorry for sounding so ignorant about this

Of course it would be, they wouldn't tell you that you need to have drunk x amount to be accepted. If you have a drinking problem which alters your state of mind or makes you destructive to yourself or others, i'm sure they would give you advice.

tastyt

JamboMac wrote: »

Of course it would be, they wouldn't tell you that you need to have drunk x amount to be accepted. If you have a drinking problem which alters your state of mind or makes you destructive to yourself or others, i'm sure they would give you advice.

Thanks jambo, I know its affecting me hugely but you would never know it, and im sure there are people with bigger problems at these meetings and dont wanna waste their time

Icelandicseige

tastyt wrote: »

Im new to this section and I dont really know if I should be here.

Im a fairly normal guy, normal job, have no problem going out for pints and getting pretty drunk with the lads, usually passes without problem and great fun is had.

However about 4/5 times in my life I have completely ruined relationships and my life by my actions on a night out, im 35 by the way.

Im a shy person that enjoys alcohol to come out of myself but cant control it.

It happened again at the weekend and I feel that its happened one too many times, im depressed and know im a good person when im not drinking.

The thing is I dont drink that much at all, if I told my friends and family that im giving it up because I have a drink problem they would laugh at me.

Is AA an option for me or is that for a different type of problem? Sorry for sounding so ignorant about this

You don't need to tell your family anything. From what I read your not an alcoholic. Just need to lay of the session for a while.
Done the same myself. I lost friends from drinking and lost more from giving up going out. Don't over complicate things. Just do what makes you happy. And if drinking is making you un happy then you need to stop.
Anyway I'm not usually in this section so someone else more knowledgeable should post but my advise would be to just lay off of it for a while and see how you feel.

tastyt

Icelandicseige wrote: »

You don't need to tell your family anything. From what I read your not an alcoholic. Just need to lay of the session for a while.
Done the same myself. I lost friends from drinking and lost more from giving up going out. Don't over complicate things. Just do what makes you happy. And if drinking is making you un happy then you need to stop.
Anyway I'm not usually in this section so someone else more knowledgeable should post but my advise would be to just lay off of it for a while and see how you feel.

Thanks for the reply, I understand where you are coming from but my problem is I have tried laying off before but always come back to messing up.

I am very conscious of what you say about losing friends by not going out though and I want to be sociable

Icelandicseige

tastyt wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, I understand where you are coming from but my problem is I have tried laying off before but always come back to messing up.

I am very conscious of what you say about losing friends by not going out though and I want to be sociable

Yep I fully understand. It took me a while to get a hold of my alcohol consumption. Again someone more knowledgeable should help you there. I just used pure stubborness and Alot of junk food when at my worst. (Probably not the best idea but kept me distracted). When you wake on a Sunday morning fresh as a daisy it's all worth it!

As regards friends are they really good for you if you lose them because you have decided not to go out on the booze anymore??

Lady is a tramp

Lifering might be an option worth looking into for you (especially if you're in Dublin, where most of the meetings are.) It's for people who want to live a sober life, but who may or may not have a drink problem. They're actually lovely groups, lots of positivity and fun!

Lady Mac

I can relate to your post a lot. I could go out and have totally normal nights most of the time but once every so often i'd blow it out of the water and put lots of things in jeopardy. My experience with drink was slightly different though in that I was also starting to become dependent on it in the evenings at home too but like yourself my friends would never have said it was a real problem. The things is though is that it was a problem for me. I tried really hard to moderate and it would work for a month or so but I'd always have "one of those nights" eventually. I always thought that when I was married and "settled down" I would get a grip on it but that didn't happen and after having my son 2 years ago things started to get progressively worse. I had too much to lose and knew it had to stop.

It will be two years next week since I last drank. AA wasn't for me originally because, like yourself, I was afraid that I wouldn't belong there but now because I have taken a different path than what AA has to offer. I joined an online sobriety group who have been amazing in helping me navigate things like my first sober wedding, first sober holiday etc and I read a lot of sobriety blogs and listen to podcasts too. Here's a link to a great sobriety blog and a great place to start if you're considering quitting but still have reservations.

http://www.hipsobriety.com

Hope this helps and feel free to message me if you ever want to chat.

Drumpot

A few years ago I gave up the drink. I found multiple supports to assist me...

There are some red flags that most normal drinkers don't experience:

- multiple incidents that happen when drunk that have a negative impact on your life
- feeling really low and sometimes guilty after a session (even if you haven't done anything wrong)
- having to take big steps to control your drinking - controlled drinking (very much an issue that most people brush off)
- drinking to get drunk
- when you start drinking you can lose the run of yourself and end up doing things you wouldn't normally do
- when drinking you become a different person (I'm a good person when sober )
- you drink to get drunk

These are just some red flags, There are others and on their own they don't mean you are an alcoholic. Bad habits v addiction (alcoholism) can be difficult to spot because it's really on the person the self (not people online) who can know for sure.

Of course there are raging alcoholics but the insidious nature of alcoholism keeps the most oblivious alcoholic in the dark... Alcoholism is so misunderstood it's not funny.. Quantity of drink is not necessarily a barometer of an alcoholic. Some alcoholics only drink one pint a day, no more, no less... Some alcoholics can go months without alcohol.

Google Joe and Charlie - https://youtu.be/cDMjFlmhVY4

They explain AA in a fun way!

There are more then one kind of way to give up alcohol. AA is one of them and the only way to know if it's for you is to visit some meetings. Try out some of the other suggestions or online support mechanisms.. Recognising that you have a problem with alcohol is a hugely positive step.. Now you can explore the best technique to overcome the issue..

aabarnes1

Hi Tastyt,

I think in the first instance, you might approach your GP and inform him of of your concerns. He will be able to inform you of all the resources available to you, to help you control or stop your drinking. There are many different approaches to curtailing alcohol consumption, and there are a few poiters at the top of the Non Drinkers page.

AA is really last chance saloon for real alcoholics.

An alcoholic is described in AA as someone who cannot stop drinking using their own free will entirely when they honestly want to or when they do drink they have little or no control over the amount they drink.
Crashing cars, being divorced, getting sacked for drinking, feeling depressed after drinking, getting into trouble with the Garda, loosing family and friends over drinking or being abused as a child, or coming from a poor background does not make you an alcoholic. Things like this are a result of drinking and happen to people who are not alcoholic too. And these conditions 'enable' you to drink, because primarily we enjoy the effect produced by alcohol. But for some of us, when that invisible line is crossed, we can NEVER drink safely again.
Only you can diagnose yourself as an alcoholic really, but as I said initially, I would go to the GP first.

Best of luck.

sootie

Don't be looking to your friends to tell you if you are or aren't. like if its causing you a problem then change it. your friends, while being the lovliest people in the world have their own lives. Some people don't like confrontation, some don't want to hurt your feelings, you might not be bothering some of them. unless you do something directly to them they generally don't want to go there in my own experience.
drink is your own issue. the only person its really effecting is you. if its depressing you then F it. I'm off it 7 months onw and I'm still only hearing how it bothered people and I'm like...well why didn't you tell me etc... but they don't or they do and you might react badly etc.

while people generally do care, its your problem at the end of the day. AA didn't work for me - I wont go in to why as Ill get backlash but there are lots of new apps and at the end of the day, you call the shots in your own life. make the decision and stick the F with it :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D WE CAN DO IT !