advice needed...boyfriend blocked me and won't speak to me

emmisaro

Hi all

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I had some problems and he has blocked me like in the title.

What happened was I had a college night out on the Friday night (I'm a mature student, we are both in our 30s) and the bus strike was on so I drove 200km round trip when I finished college the Friday afternoon because he wanted to come up for the weekend and I wanted him there too.

Fast forward to the party and he was a bit despondent at it and I tried my very best to include him in conversations and introduce him to people there. He was talking to a few people, as was I, just generally mingling and when I went back over to him because I saw he had stopped talking to a friend of mine in the class he got jealous and started threatening to beat up some of the lads in my class. I told him there was no need to be jealous, I was just talking to lads in my class that are more than ten years younger than me anyway and are more like little brothers to me and I'm with him and they have girlfriends, trying to reassure him and calm the situation down. He then stormed off. To cut a long story short, he apologized later and I said it was fine, we all stupid things when we've had a few too many.

The next day his friend was in my town for the weekend so we went to meet him and everything was fine, we we're drinking again and later on after probably a few too many again, he got jealous again and got angry with me for talking to his friend. I got pissed off this time and said I don't want to be with someone who is controlling and won't let me talk to anyone. We went home, had a chat, I said look ok leave it be but this has to be a one off after he apologized again.

During the night, I felt unwell and I asked him to go donstairs and get me a drink. He jumped up and started shouting at me and after all what had happened I had enough and told him to get out of my house. He went downstairs to sleep on the sofa and after an hour, I went down and apologised and he came back upstairs and we had sex for a few hours and everything was fine.

The next morning he woke me up at 8 telling me he wanted to go back home that morning. I told him I wasn't feeling well and he had a lift arranged with his friend who was in my town for later that day so could he not just wait until then to go home. He said no, that he wanted me to drive him home because he didnt want to be getting home late because he had work Monday morning. I told him he was selfish because I wasn't well and asking me to drive 3.5 hours when he could wait and get a lift was selfish! He then proceeded to ring another friend to do a 3.5 hr journey to bring him home and walked out my door without saying goodbye. I tried ringing him and messaging him and he told me my temper scares him because I told him to get out of my house!!!

Do I really now deserve to be blocked and shut out of his life like I meant nothing to him

Taltos

Personally I think you're well rid and should be the one doing the blocking of his number.

His controlling behaviour and jealousy are both red flags and he seems well able to manipulate you. Just re-read your post - even after what you told us you think you're in the wrong here.
You're not.
He's a control freak and you are better off with him out of your life.

bmwguy

If that's any way representative of his personality I would be the one doing the blocking!

emmisaro

Taltos wrote: »

Personally I think you're well rid and should be the one doing the blocking of his number.

His controlling behaviour and jealousy are both red flags and he seems well able to manipulate you. Just re-read your post - even after what you told us you think you're in the wrong here.
You're not.
He's a control freak and you are better off with him out of your life.

Thanks I keep tooing and froing from being strong and knowing I'm better off and then having weak moments where I question myself and want to talk to him. I've deleted​ his number and has me blocked so I can't contact him anyway

Sephiroth_dude

emmisaro wrote: »

Hi all

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I had some problems and he has blocked me like in the title.

What happened was I had a college night out on the Friday night (I'm a mature student, we are both in our 30s) and the bus strike was on so I drove 200km round trip when I finished college the Friday afternoon because he wanted to come up for the weekend and I wanted him there too.

Fast forward to the party and he was a bit despondent at it and I tried my very best to include him in conversations and introduce him to people there. He was talking to a few people, as was I, just generally mingling and when I went back over to him because I saw he had stopped talking to a friend of mine in the class he got jealous and started threatening to beat up some of the lads in my class. I told him there was no need to be jealous, I was just talking to lads in my class that are more than ten years younger than me anyway and are more like little brothers to me and I'm with him and they have girlfriends, trying to reassure him and calm the situation down. He then stormed off. To cut a long story short, he apologized later and I said it was fine, we all stupid things when we've had a few too many.

The next day his friend was in my town for the weekend so we went to meet him and everything was fine, we we're drinking again and later on after probably a few too many again, he got jealous again and got angry with me for talking to his friend. I got pissed off this time and said I don't want to be with someone who is controlling and won't let me talk to anyone. We went home, had a chat, I said look ok leave it be but this has to be a one off after he apologized again.

During the night, I felt unwell and I asked him to go donstairs and get me a drink. He jumped up and started shouting at me and after all what had happened I had enough and told him to get out of my house. He went downstairs to sleep on the sofa and after an hour, I went down and apologised and he came back upstairs and we had sex for a few hours and everything was fine.

The next morning he woke me up at 8 telling me he wanted to go back home that morning. I told him I wasn't feeling well and he had a lift arranged with his friend who was in my town for later that day so could he not just wait until then to go home. He said no, that he wanted me to drive him home because he didnt want to be getting home late because he had work Monday morning. I told him he was selfish because I wasn't well and asking me to drive 3.5 hours when he could wait and get a lift was selfish! He then proceeded to ring another friend to do a 3.5 hr journey to bring him home and walked out my door without saying goodbye. I tried ringing him and messaging him and he told me my temper scares him because I told him to get out of my house!!!

Do I really now deserve to be blocked and shut out of his life like I meant nothing to him

I would just let him off , from reading your post you didn't do anything wrong and he was the one being dramatic, cut your losses and move on.

Penny Tration

You're well rid. He sounds like a controlling, extremely manipulative asshole.


He's going to come crawling back, mark my words. When he decides you've been punished for long enough, he'll unblock you and message you.

And when that happens, look back on this thread. Think back to the way he spoke to you, the way he demeaned you, the way he humiliated you in front of friends, and the way he callously cut you out for no reason and with no respect or love.

Remember all of it, and stay strong. You deserve much, much more.

emmisaro

Penny Tration wrote: »

You're well rid. He sounds like a controlling, extremely manipulative asshole.


He's going to come crawling back, mark my words. When he decides you've been punished for long enough, he'll unblock you and message you.

And when that happens, look back on this thread. Think back to the way he spoke to you, the way he demeaned you, the way he humiliated you in front of friends, and the way he callously cut you out for no reason and with no respect or love.

Remember all of it, and stay strong. You deserve much, much more.

Thanks I really appreciate your words of encouragement and everyone else's and I will do that.

Collie D

Penny Tration wrote: »

You're well rid. He sounds like a controlling, extremely manipulative asshole.


He's going to come crawling back, mark my words. When he decides you've been punished for long enough, he'll unblock you and message you.

And when that happens, look back on this thread. Think back to the way he spoke to you, the way he demeaned you, the way he humiliated you in front of friends, and the way he callously cut you out for no reason and with no respect or love.

Remember all of it, and stay strong. You deserve much, much more.

Agreed. Definitely sounds like he's "punishing" you or trying to "teach you a lesson" and I don't doubt he'll be back soon enough expecting to snap his fingers. Don't give him the chance. Block him, delete him and forget him.

Sephiroth_dude

emmisaro wrote: »

Thanks I really appreciate your words of encouragement and everyone else's and I will do that.

It actually sounds like he was trying too get you break up with him so he wouldn't have too do it, starting fights about being jealous and just because you asked him too get you a glass of water.

emmisaro

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

It actually sounds like he was trying too get you break up with him so he wouldn't have too do it, starting fights about being jealous and just because you asked him too get you a glass of water.

Yeah that actually had crossed my mind too. We had a fight late last year and he cut me off like this for 3 months and then came crawling back so maybe he's just not really into me.

Sephiroth_dude

emmisaro wrote: »

Yeah that actually had crossed my mind too. We had a fight late last year and he cut me off like this for 3 months and then came crawling back so maybe he's just not really into me.

Well I wouldn't be letting him back in this time, block him as the others have said and move on.

Penny Tration

emmisaro wrote: »

Yeah that actually had crossed my mind too. We had a fight late last year and he cut me off like this for 3 months and then came crawling back so maybe he's just not really into me.

He cut you off for three months and you took him back??

Please, please, don't take him back this time around. Each time he does this, he's showing you that you mean nothing to him, he'll just drop you when he wants.

You're not a toy to be dropped and picked up at will. C'mon, you know you deserve more than that

emmisaro

Penny Tration wrote: »

He cut you off for three months and you took him back??

Please, please, don't take him back this time around. Each time he does this, he's showing you that you mean nothing to him, he'll just drop you when he wants.

You're not a toy to be dropped and picked up at will. C'mon, you know you deserve more than that

I know I do and thanks for your kind words. I definitely won't take him back this time, I do deserve better than that. I've self esteem issues I need to work on and will do that before I let another man into my life.

bp

As well as him being a tool, he wanted you to drive when you were feeling unwell and had alcohol in your system. You could have lost your licence because he was in a sulk. Enjoy college and make sure you block him because he will check and try worm his way back in

Ursus Horribilis

I thought your username was familiar so I checked. I remember replying to an older thread of yours about your boyfriend last year. You mentioned in that one that you have a daughter. What sort of example are you giving her if you're showing that you're willing to tolerate such appalling treatment. This ex of yours is a nasty piece of work with a foul temper. Definitely block his number because I have no doubt he'll come back once you've served your "punishment".

emmisaro

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I thought your username was familiar so I checked. I remember replying to an older thread of yours about your boyfriend last year. You mentioned in that one that you have a daughter. What sort of example are you giving her if you're showing that you're willing to tolerate such appalling treatment. This ex of yours is a nasty piece of work with a foul temper. Definitely block his number because I have no doubt he'll come back once you've served your "punishment".

That's exactly why I won't take him back , I would rather be alone forever than have my daughter growing up witnessing that kind of a relationship. I will block his number and prevent him from contacting me again

nikkibikki

Firstly, your reaction telling him to get out of your house is perfectly understandable. Can't believe he has the cheek to say YOUR temper frightens him? His controlling behaviour and temper is very frightening to be honest. This has serious potential to escalate.

Hannibal_Smith

emmisaro wrote: »

That's exactly why I won't take him back , I would rather be alone forever than have my daughter growing up witnessing that kind of a relationship. I will block his number and prevent him from contacting me again

Excellent! That's exactly what you do. You are better off without that nonsense in your life. While you may be peed off now, give it a few more weeks and you'll feel the relief of not having him around.

emmisaro

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Excellent! That's exactly what you do. You are better off without that nonsense in your life. While you may be peed off now, give it a few more weeks and you'll feel the relief of not having him around.

Thanks I actually feel so much better already that I've opened up about it and gotten advice

MissShihTzu

emmisaro wrote: »

Thanks I actually feel so much better already that I've opened up about it and gotten advice

That's great to hear that you were able to take on board the great advice you've already got.

Please, please do yourselves a favour and follow up on it! You and your daughter deserve better. Block and delete that fool!

Emme

emmisaro wrote: »

Hi all

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I had some problems and he has blocked me like in the title.

What happened was I had a college night out on the Friday night (I'm a mature student, we are both in our 30s) and the bus strike was on so I drove 200km round trip when I finished college the Friday afternoon because he wanted to come up for the weekend and I wanted him there too.

Fast forward to the party and he was a bit despondent at it and I tried my very best to include him in conversations and introduce him to people there. He was talking to a few people, as was I, just generally mingling and when I went back over to him because I saw he had stopped talking to a friend of mine in the class he got jealous and started threatening to beat up some of the lads in my class. I told him there was no need to be jealous, I was just talking to lads in my class that are more than ten years younger than me anyway and are more like little brothers to me and I'm with him and they have girlfriends, trying to reassure him and calm the situation down. He then stormed off. To cut a long story short, he apologized later and I said it was fine, we all stupid things when we've had a few too many.

The next day his friend was in my town for the weekend so we went to meet him and everything was fine, we we're drinking again and later on after probably a few too many again, he got jealous again and got angry with me for talking to his friend. I got pissed off this time and said I don't want to be with someone who is controlling and won't let me talk to anyone. We went home, had a chat, I said look ok leave it be but this has to be a one off after he apologized again.

During the night, I felt unwell and I asked him to go donstairs and get me a drink. He jumped up and started shouting at me and after all what had happened I had enough and told him to get out of my house. He went downstairs to sleep on the sofa and after an hour, I went down and apologised and he came back upstairs and we had sex for a few hours and everything was fine.

The next morning he woke me up at 8 telling me he wanted to go back home that morning. I told him I wasn't feeling well and he had a lift arranged with his friend who was in my town for later that day so could he not just wait until then to go home. He said no, that he wanted me to drive him home because he didnt want to be getting home late because he had work Monday morning. I told him he was selfish because I wasn't well and asking me to drive 3.5 hours when he could wait and get a lift was selfish! He then proceeded to ring another friend to do a 3.5 hr journey to bring him home and walked out my door without saying goodbye. I tried ringing him and messaging him and he told me my temper scares him because I told him to get out of my house!!!

Do I really now deserve to be blocked and shut out of his life like I meant nothing to him

5 massive red flags there for controlling narcissistic behaviour.

He's done you a massive favour by blocking you. Do not under any circumstances take him back. I wouldn't like to have somebody like him around me and certainly not around children.

Do what everyone says and block his number. Block him on FB and block any other connections you might have with him as well. You're well rid.

PCX

I agree with much of the advice given - this does not sound like a healthy relationship and you are best to move on from this.

The one thing I would question is the advice to block his number. I think that the better way to handle the situation would be to block social media etc but still allow him to contact you by phone - at least once.

I know he seems to have been playing games with you but i think it would be better for you to deal with this like an adult. If he finds you have blocked his number he'll probably just think this is part of some ongoing tit for tat game he's playing with you. I know its old fashioned but I think its better to actually tell him its over.

Tell him, when he eventually rings, that the relationship was not working out the way you want and you think its for the best if you don't see each other anymore. Hopefully that'll draw a line under things. (Then block his number if necessary).

emmisaro

PCX wrote: »

I agree with much of the advice given - this does not sound like a healthy relationship and you are best to move on from this.

The one thing I would question is the advice to block his number. I think that the better way to handle the situation would be to block social media etc but still allow him to contact you by phone - at least once.

I know he seems to have been playing games with you but i think it would be better for you to deal with this like an adult. If he finds you have blocked his number he'll probably just think this is part of some ongoing tit for tat game he's playing with you. I know its old fashioned but I think its better to actually tell him its over.

Tell him, when he eventually rings, that the relationship was not working out the way you want and you think its for the best if you don't see each other anymore. Hopefully that'll draw a line under things. (Then block his number if necessary).

Thanks for the advice, I have deleted his number so I can't contact him or block him so if he does get in contact, I'll be adult about it and do what you have advised.

batmanrobin

emmisaro wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, I have deleted his number so I can't contact him or block him so if he does get in contact, I'll be adult about it and do what you have advised.

If you know his number by heart, add it back and then you can block him and then delete it again.

twill

PCX wrote: »

I know he seems to have been playing games with you but i think it would be better for you to deal with this like an adult. If he finds you have blocked his number he'll probably just think this is part of some ongoing tit for tat game he's playing with you. I know its old fashioned but I think its better to actually tell him its over.

There's no need to tell him it's over. He's already declared it over by blocking the OP. Why acknowledge his control games? Just ignore from now on.

emmisaro

batmanrobin wrote: »

If you know his number by heart, add it back and then you can block him and then delete it again.

I actually don't know it off but if he does contact me I won't be getting into a conversation just sending him one text and then blocking him

artvanderlay

Penny Tration wrote: »

You're well rid. He sounds like a controlling, extremely manipulative asshole.


He's going to come crawling back, mark my words. When he decides you've been punished for long enough, he'll unblock you and message you.

And when that happens, look back on this thread. Think back to the way he spoke to you, the way he demeaned you, the way he humiliated you in front of friends, and the way he callously cut you out for no reason and with no respect or love.

Remember all of it, and stay strong. You deserve much, much more.

Sound sensible advice...but I laughed so much when I saw your username. The dichotomy between the sensible reply and the ridiculous name was great :pac:

Ursus Horribilis

Or if you log into your account with your phone provider, the number will be in your call/text history.

gustus

He sounds like an idiot. No offence. Spoilt and completely self centred I'd say. Be glad to be rid of him

KKkitty

emmisaro wrote: »

I actually don't know it off but if he does contact me I won't be getting into a conversation just sending him one text and then blocking him

Don't even give him one​ text. Delete it straight away and move on.

Xterminator

Hi OP

It sounds like their is a pair of you in this relationship! ending it does seem like the best course of conduct for both of you.

Look you cant change him, but if i were you i would do a little soul-searching and see if you could have handled things better, seen the sign earlier, and ultimately perhaps you can avoid a toxic relationship in the future, by nipping any bad behaviour in the bud before it becomes part of the relationship, and perhaps spotting the issues earlier.

Please dont think im victim blaming, simply trying to say there may be lessons; important life lessons to be learnt from this experience.

emmisaro

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Or if you log into your account with your phone provider, the number will be in your call/text history.

I never thought of that, I'll do that straight away. Thanks

MissShihTzu

emmisaro wrote: »

I never thought of that, I'll do that straight away. Thanks

Why??

emmisaro

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Why??

Because I want to stop him from contacting me. I've blocked him now. Maybe I should allow him to contact me at some stage but I just don't want to talk to him

MissShihTzu

Fair enough...I wouldn't make any effort to do it, if it were me. He'll come out from under his rock soon enough, and you can tell him to **** off then. Shortly followed by the block!

emmisaro

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Fair enough...I wouldn't make any effort to do it, if it were me. He'll come out from under his rock soon enough, and you can tell him to **** off then. Shortly followed by the block!

While I would find that very satisfying, I'd rather just squash it now. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of getting to tell all his mates I'm a bitch and on the other hand I dunno if I trust myself not to let him reel me back in

Ursus Horribilis

I think you're doing the right thing. You took him back once despite the way he treated you last year. Then despite the litany of dreadful things he said and did this time round, you started this thread because he'd blocked you. So yeah, I think you're right to go with your instinct and shut him out. I hope you can stay strong and stay split from him at the second time of asking

Hannibal_Smith

emmisaro wrote: »

While I would find that very satisfying, I'd rather just squash it now. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of getting to tell all his mates I'm a bitch and on the other hand I dunno if I trust myself not to let him reel me back in

Definitely! Do not tell him about the block, or anything else. You'll just walk yourself into a sh*t storm of arguing back and forth. You've done that. He walked out. He blocked you and hasn't spoken to you since. That's it. He has already ended it. Even if he one day decides to surface, you owe him nothing. He will figure it out eventually.

KKkitty

If you give him any sort of response you're massaging his already big ego. Take some time off from relationships. Think of you and your daughter. The right man for you will come along eventually. Go out with friends, have fun with them. Soon enough you'll be treated better than this man has treated you.

emmisaro

KKkitty wrote: »

If you give him any sort of response you're massaging his already big ego. Take some time off from relationships. Think of you and your daughter. The right man for you will come along eventually. Go out with friends, have fun with them. Soon enough you'll be treated better than this man has treated you.

Thanks that's exactly what I'm going to do. I don't​ want another relationship anytime soon

KKkitty

emmisaro wrote: »

Thanks that's exactly what I'm going to do. I don't​ want another relationship anytime soon

No problem at all. I've had my fair share of awful relationships. I'm with someone for 9 years this year. I had been treated badly before that and even though I thought I'd never find the one I did. He wrecks my head sometimes and vice versa but I wouldn't have it any other way. You will be ok I'm sure of it.

Emme

emmisaro wrote: »

Because I want to stop him from contacting me. I've blocked him now. Maybe I should allow him to contact me at some stage but I just don't want to talk to him

Why would you allow him to contact you at some stage? :eek:

So he can hoover you in again and you end up walking on eggshells and doing his bidding again?

He has done you a favour by blocking you so you ensure he can NEVER contact you again and don't lower yourself to having any more contact with him. If you weaken and contact him even to say you never want to hear from or see him again that's a red rag to a bull. He'll know you will probably be waiting for him again after another 3 months when he's had more flings and can't find anyone else to put up with his abuse. He'll go back to you because you'll put up with him.

Unless you decide to have no more contact EVER with this man and ensure his number is blocked from your end and no going back.

emmisaro

Emme wrote: »

Why would you allow him to contact you at some stage? :eek:

So he can hoover you in again and you end up walking on eggshells and doing his bidding again?

He has done you a favour by blocking you so you ensure he can NEVER contact you again and don't lower yourself to having any more contact with him. If you weaken and contact him even to say you never want to hear from or see him again that's a red rag to a bull. He'll know you will probably be waiting for him again after another 3 months when he's had more flings and can't find anyone else to put up with his abuse. He'll go back to you because you'll put up with him.

Unless you decide to have no more contact EVER with this man and ensure his number is blocked from your end and no going back.

I totally agree and I've blocked his number and blocked him from all social media so he can't contact me and I feel great after doing it