Contact ex

galaxybubbles

I would like some guy's opinions on this.

How would you feel to be contacted by a girl you dated almost a year ago for a mere couple of months? The 'relationship' ended after potentially a series of crossed wires.

What would be going through your mind after being contacted by her?

Worst case scenario - turn-off/stalker? Best-case scenario - an ego-boost and realising she hasn't moved on?

I would like to contact an ex. I can't get past thinking of him and how we/I could have handled the break-up better (or not broken up at all). I can't move on. I've tried and been on dates since but I don't feel anything. FYI - he is not going out with anyone at the moment.

Or should I not contact him at all and just let by-gones be by-gones?

Wibbs

Better here galaxybubbles


Though if you want my humble, leave sleeping dogs lie. It ended for a reason(s) and since he hasn't contacted you since chances are high he's moved on.

juno10353

It was a short relationship a year ago. It finished. Let it go. You know he is seeing no one, are you following him online. If so stop. Block.

Chancer3001

Meh.

Life's tol short.

Contact him. At least then you'll know.

Do it via whatsapp or Facebook messenger so if he doesn't reply at least you'll know of hes read it

Big Bag of Chips

It all depends on the circumstances of the breakup. Often it's better to just move on, sometimes going back can work. If you want to apologise for your part in the breakup, then why not.

But, if you do contact him, you should do so with no expectation. If you are contacting him to apologise then you are apologising without the expectation of him also apologising and maybe suggesting meeting up again.

If you want to meet up with him, ask him outright.

Only you can judge.

leggo

No harm in it but, like BBOC said, do so with no expectations because it's highly likely things won't go the way you want them to. I've talked to exes just recently (not about getting back together, though I'm pretty sure one wanted to) and it was very healing and cathartic. There's a lot to be said for closure.

Having said that, though, it's also a risky game and if the relationship was toxic it's likely to remain so, so you could put yourself back to square one if the circumstances that ended the relationship haven't made a huge change (and they rarely have). So keep that all in mind and weigh it up before making a judgement call of your own.

batmanrobin

I had this happen recently to me. The whole thing ended up being a complete head melt and something I could have done without. But then the guy in question is a self-involved ass, so go figure!

Proceed with caution, and make sure you know what it is you actually want with this person. Make sure you're getting in touch for the right reasons.

amtc

I broke up with a guy...not very nicely (it wasn't him, it was me)...years ago. I always felt guilty about it and bumped into him in a shop in town two years ago. I went over and apologised. All I did was give him false hope, so he started off on the behaviour that made me break it off in the first place. So I had to do the same thing all over again.

I salved my conscience at the expense of breaking his heart not once but twice. So you got to be sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

leggo

Yeah if I'm talking to an ex, I'll leave no doubt about the nature of the interaction by just littering stuff like "so we're obviously not getting back together but..." throughout the conversation and making it clear it's a genuine, one-off human interaction. As people have said, OP, it's a potential minefield that can easily backfire so it's important to get the boundaries out in the open.

Emme

OP if he was interested he would probably have contacted you. You say you stopped seeing each other because of "crossed wires". I don't know what that means but it doesn't sound good. He may have been seeing a few other girls at the same time if you weren't serious.

My advice is to move on and don't contact him again. Keep busy - take up a hobby, make new friends, plan a holiday.

Chancer3001

Let us know how it goes

Maximus Alexander

Emme wrote: »

OP if he was interested he would probably have contacted you. You say you stopped seeing each other because of "crossed wires". I don't know what that means but it doesn't sound good. He may have been seeing a few other girls at the same time if you weren't serious.

My advice is to move on and don't contact him again. Keep busy - take up a hobby, make new friends, plan a holiday.

This comes up a lot but I don't see the logic in it. His friends could just as easily be telling him "If she was interested she would have contacted you..."

Katgurl

I don't see the harm in sending him a casual "hey how are you?" message and then if he chats a little, ask him if he fancies a drink sometime.

But before you send anything ask yourself how you will feel if he ignores or rebuffs you. If any words like 'humiliated' 'gutted' or 'crushed' spring to mind then don't do it.

Like a poster already said, it's not clear what you mean by crossed wires but if you honestly think it was a missed opportunity and you can handle it not working out as you hope then go for it.

The Red Lad

Contact him what is the worst that can happen life is too short and you will always regret it if you don't know for sure. You never really know what someone is really feeling our generation tend to just ghost each other a lot of times out of pride and fear of rejection as for the if he was interested he would have contacted you by now bit dont let that stop you I myself and many of my friends have went no contact with girls when things didn't work out not because we don't care but we think they don't so why bother, might sound silly but it's true.