she's texting someone else

LegacyUser

I'm looking for some advice on an issue I have with my mother. To put it short, she's been texting someone else.

Ok, so no big issues normally but a few red flags when I confronted her about it several months ago were that she hasn't saved his number and she brushed it of as someone who dialed her number in error and she will stop texting him.

Now, several months later she still text this guy. I've seen the messages (when changing over to a new phone last sept) and they are not from some unknown nobody. Last weekend jokingly when my partner asked her who she was texting at 2am she said she was on facebook but you could see in the glass reflection she was texting. I've confronted her about this last year and told her to stop if before she ruins a marriage. She kind of brushed it of as not being anything of significance, "just a random wrong number text" yet many months later she's still texting! What are my options here?

Obviously I don't want my father to find out which he may well at some point. Having told her to stop previously hasn't helped. My dad is going to need her a lot over the coming months and he's hasn't got anyone else over here.

professore

I think you should tell your dad. I'm a dad and would want to know. He's going to find out sooner or later anyway, and if he finds out you knew all along and said nothing he's going to feel doubly betrayed.

That really sucks.

SterlingArcher

You have already discussed it with your mother she said it was nothing.

You believe otherwise.

I suggest you talk to your mother open and honest not alway easy as it sounds. You ask her outright is she texting someone behind his back. You make it clear . That if she lies to you and it comes out down the line you will remember this conversation.

She says it's nothing you take her word and forget about it. It is not your responsibility to be your mothers moral compass. if it comes out she was infact seeing someone. she lied to both of you. Her responsibility.

She confessess. you give two options end it now and tell your dad. Both her responsibility.

Rachiee

In fairness for all you know your dad is aware of it and is just sucking it up. We would all like our parents to have a great relationship but they are still humans and have their own issues.
She doesnt seem to want to discuss it with you which is probably fair enough because you need to be loyal to your dad.
If she is cheating (she could be just flirting) what outcome would you like? For her to come clean with your dad and leave? For your Dad to find out and get her to leave? For the two of them continue unhappily married? Marriage counselling?

I know its so hard because you are completely and only naturally emotionally and practically involved but in reality their marriage is their business.

All you can do is try keep the lines of communication open. You cant tell your mother what to do, you can tell her how her behaviour is making you feel and then its up to her to decide or you can talk to your dad about your concerns but then its up to him to decide.

Mr. Incognito

Mind your own business

Jurgen Klopp

Whatever​ about an acquaintance and keeping your nose out....

I actually can't get my head around people that say mind your own business in a situation like this. If my kid, mother, brother or sister or whatever knew something like this or even worse and never told me I'd feel just as betrayed that they were happy let me be made a fool of and wouldn't be able to look at them again.

Thankfully it's only on boards i see you oddballs who'd be happy let their family be made a fool of.

Gooser14

Cant cant post wrote:

I'm looking for some advice on an issue I have with my mother. To put it short, she's been texting someone else.

None of your business really.

Messengers

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Mind your own business

Yeah they're only his parents how dare he be concerned.

December2012

Have you seen any of the content of the texts?

witchgirl26

OP I can't see what would be so concerning about your mother texting someone else. Are you sure it's another man or are you just presuming that? Even if it is - it still could be just a friend and she doesn't want her children questioning her. It might not even be the same person in all the texts that you refer to. At the end of the day though, she is entitled to have privacy from you. I know the reaction I'd get from my mam if I told her to stop texting someone and it would not be pretty!

If you are majorly concerned, then have a proper chat to her and ask her about it but be fully prepared to get told where to go in a sense as ultimately it is between her and your father if there is anything about it. Especially as I'm presuming that you're not under 18.

Xterminator

It none of the Op's business, because she is not privy to the intimate relationship details of her parents. Also she hasn't seen the texts.

all she has is suspicion and questionable behaviour. so she should respect her parents right to privacy in their private live.

some of the posters above seem to this this should be enough to perhap take some unspecified actions - but nothing good will come from going down that road.

cloudatlas

You say your Dad will need her soon? Has there been a major stressful event in your lives? Maybe she is seeking comfort elsewhere as she has no one to talk to. Maybe love/sex has been missing from the marriage for a while and she is craving it. I know it's hard but try to give a bit of the benefit of the doubt to your mum. Being confrontational won't achieve anything, if you are genuinely worried about it then talk to her in a open way ask her if she is struggling at the moment and looking for a connection elsewhere, say that you are there for her but you don't want to see your Dad hurt over it.