MS and cancer combined patient to USA for treatment??

banoffe2

I have a friend who is elderly and I am finding it difficult to believe a story she is telling me regarding her son in his fifties who has been diagnosed with MS for some years, he doesn't live with her but she is a religious fanatic and always says he is in the hands of the Lord etc. I listen and don't comment as I respect her values and concerns.

Last week she told me her son was very unwell with the cancer and found it almost impossible to keep any food down, she mentioned prostrate cancer but I am very sceptical and apprehensive about how much of the truth she really knows I doubt very much is she would have any reason to lie to me.

Said she drove her son to the bus recently to get to the airport to fly to USA for treatment/surgery for the cancer as no surgeon would operate on him here in Ireland.
I asked her what hospital or what State in the USA he was in and she said that I was being very hard on her that she didn't know, she hasn't heard anything from him but thinks he had surgery for the prostrate Wednesday??? said he told her he would contact her when he felt well enough, I suggested she ring the hospital and the nurse would bring her up to date regarding her son but that was a no go area, to be honest I am very suspicious and find it almost impossible that someone so ill would be in any fit state to fly to the USA for surgery, she also mentioned that there were other sick people going on the plane and that there would be Doctors and Nurses on the plane???
Never heard anything like it, he was away about 3 years ago supposedly for treatment again but I am not convinced!

any ideas or thoughts welcome, to relieve my suspicious mind, thanks for reading

bee06

If she or he is lying what impact does it have on you that you need to find out? Are they asking you for money or something?

banoffe2

Thanks bee06 It has no impact what so ever on me and no they are not asking me for money and it really is none of my business.

I find it difficult to engage in any kind of meaningful conversation with the mother who is a friend who lives a long distance away from me, knowing she has no idea where he is and no contact details.

Jail time?

Neyite

Medical care in the US is astronomical. So he would have to be insured to the hilt- maybe a leftover policy from employment or something (grasping at straws here)

But the fact that she got a bit defensive about the hospital name and also Air ambulances are not the norm except in extreme cases, I reckon the son is BS'ing her and she kinda knows it deep down.

I'd be guessing jail time too, whether it's him lying her or her lying to you is anyone's guess.

Airyfairy12

Besides the huge financial costs to get surgery in America theres no way he'd be flying over there on his own when he cant even keep his food down and not even supply a next of kin who would be informed of the hospital and state.
Maybe she's looking for sympathy? I was friends with a woman years ago that would lie about being raped, having miscarriages, blood transfusions and illnesses in her family just for attention and to get people to feel sorry for her, this sounds like something similar as the stories never seemed to add up. Do you know her long? does she often have sad or dramatic stories that she talks to you or others about? Is she alone allot of the time or feeling like she needs to make her life sound not so dull? Its bad enough to make up stories but to fabricate a lie about her son having cancer is really worrying and id suggest keeping your distance from her, it's such an awful thing to say.
Unless her son has just lied to her and she's believed him by default, some mothers sons can do no wrong as far as theyre concerned and they ignore all the obvious warning signs staring them in the face. Did she give her son money to go? could he have lied to get money out of her?

banoffe2

Thanks everyone for your time and input, she has rung me since with an update and told me that he had an operation for throat cancer yesterday?? she heard this from his teenage daughter who lives with him who said yesterday it was prostrate op he had and she said she didn't believe her, I asked the relevant questions about a next of kin with him, he being so seriously ill and she has all the answers, like I don't know and I don't ask, I said It is most unusual that they wouldn't operate on him here, she said it was too near the blood vessel?? said he had some of his stomach removed over there 3 years ago??

I agree that no way could someone so seriously ill travel to the USA for surgery on their own without any next of kin.
She said they referred him from one of the private hospitals which I will not name here
Yes she lives on her own, she doesn't look for sympathy, I think she is being fobbed off, but no way am I going to enable or feed in to that kind of bulls==t!
She lives about a 3 hour drive from me and it is mainly on the phone I communicate with her but I have been in her house, I don't think she is delusional or looking for pity but definitely obsessed with religion and her son is safe in the hands of the good Lord etc

It wouldn't be like me not to be there for a friend in a crisis like that but I struggle to engage in such a bizarre and hairy story while the most subtle attempt to present her with reality is being met with defence.
None of my business I know but a new one to deal with.
Thanks again for your time

banoffe2

banoffe2 wrote: »

None of my business I know but a new one to deal with.
Thanks again for your time

Well, like you said, it's none of your business at the end of the day. That means it isn't really a new one for you to deal with at all.

She sounds like she either doesn't know the details or doesn't want to get into it with you and in truth, that's fair enough. Her relationship with her son is hers, so you can just skip the subject and get back to normal stuff between the pair of ye. Just be straight with her, that it makes no sense to you but you're sure she'll work it all out with him in time. You've nothing else to say etc.

The other option is to let it get into your head and come between ye and that's not really necessary either, IMHO.

Spare yourself, and her, the hassle. Be a pal and let her go say a decade of the rosary for the son or whatever it is she wants to do.