Bullying

MaryMountain

I was sitting in the kitchen of the house that I share with my mother. My brother and his American family were visiting at the time.

My American sister-in-law placed a mobile phone in front of me on the table. My American nephew was on a video call, on the screen, and I started to make some small talk.

Then I noticed that his facial expression was extremely hostile, aggressive and bullying and I couldn't speak anymore.

He continued to glare at me without speaking. My sister in law picked up the phone after ten to fifteen seconds of this wordless video call.

Is this bullying? What can be done about it?

cbyrd

If this was a once off event then no, bullying is more than once.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm confused. Do you think your nephew (in America?) is bullying you because he wouldn't speak to you on a video call? How old is he? How old are you? What sort of relationship to you have with him usually? Sounds like a stroppy young fella who didn't want to talk to you. Rude maybe, not bullying from what you explained.

infogiver

MaryMountain wrote: »

I was sitting in the kitchen of the house that I share with my mother. My brother and his American family were visiting at the time.

My American sister-in-law placed a mobile phone in front of me on the table. My American nephew was on a video call, on the screen, and I started to make some small talk.

Then I noticed that his facial expression was extremely hostile, aggressive and bullying and I couldn't speak anymore.

He continued to glare at me without speaking. My sister in law picked up the phone after ten to fifteen seconds of this wordless video call.

Is this bullying? What can be done about it?

His mother told him to say a few words to his fathers sister.
If he's a teenager then he didn't want to speak to you because your so old you should actually be dead.
You were also speaking gobbledygook incidentally.
I'm presuming here that you don't own a teenager.
I do.
I'm surprised he didn't just hang up.
Oh, before I go, no your not being bullied.

MaryMountain

A few days later my nephew arrived in Ireland. Our first meeting occurred when I was sitting in the kitchen and noticed that someone was standing one foot in front of my feet.

I looked up and my nephew's face and sister-in-law's face were three or four inches apart. Their eyes were locked in a gaze, completely excluding me.

infogiver

MaryMountain wrote: »

A few days later my nephew arrived in Ireland. Our first meeting occurred when I was sitting in the kitchen and noticed that someone was standing one foot in front of my feet.

I looked up and my nephew's face and sister-in-law's face were three or four inches apart. Their eyes were locked in a gaze, completely excluding me.

Mary what happened then?

dee_mc

Mary, he sounds like a brat.
If he's not a brat, then he's just poorly socialised - he's not used to meeting new people so doesn't understand the social cues and norms etc involved in meeting a new person.
Really it falls to you and to the child's parents to pave the way for the two of ye to forge an auntie/nephew relationship - chat to him about his hobbies, accept if he doesn't want to talk to you much or at all and don't make a big deal of it.
It's not bullying, to answer your question, but it's bad behaviour for whatever reason. It's certainly not a bully v victim situation!

MaryMountain

He is a 27-year-old college graduate who has lived, worked and studied on three continents. So the situation involves two adults. If there is another forum for adult bullying? I am 48.

We used to have a cordial relationship.

"You were also speaking gobbledygook incidentally."
By congratulating him on his sporting success?

"Mary what happened then?"

In order not to be intimidated I stood up to shake his hand and they left the room immediately.

the14thwarrior

it sounds like you have little or no solid normal relationship with either your nephew or sister in law. and sorry, you should realise you are mis understanding the real meaning of the word bully. he's not bullying, they are not doing anything to you as such, it's such a strong word to use.

the words i would use are..... get a grip on yourself; they sound rude and stupid and inconsiderate. assuming he has no deficits, they sound like idiots.

put up with them if you have to but otherwise who cares? thank god they are an ocean apart.

beechwood55

What is your brother like? Could you talk to him about it?

XsApollo

He sounds like an a**hole.
An early teen doing that might be a bit odd and being a spoilt brat.
Being 28 year old male that's intimidating behaviour.
Youd wonder what's going through his head when he is at this crack.
Who does he think he is.
It's Your house and he is a guest, he is not a child.
What does brother think of this?
Is he like this in front of him?
Ask him what his problem is, if he can't be civil tell him to leave.

mordeith

MaryMountain wrote: »

A few days later my nephew arrived in Ireland. Our first meeting occurred when I was sitting in the kitchen

Is this your house?

infogiver

mordeith wrote: »

Is this your house?

She shares it with her mother.
I'd imagine these people are primarily visiting the older woman.

harr

If we are getting the full story and the op isn't trolling then he needs a kick up the arse...

infogiver

MaryMountain wrote: »

He is a 27-year-old college graduate who has lived, worked and studied on three continents. So the situation involves two adults. If there is another forum for adult bullying? I am 48.

We used to have a cordial relationship.

"You were also speaking gobbledygook incidentally."
By congratulating him on his sporting success?

"Mary what happened then?"

In order not to be intimidated I stood up to shake his hand and they left the room immediately.

Thanks Mary for filling me in .
So he's not a teen, just still behaving like one at 28.
I get the feeling that there is actually an awful lot more to this story than your letting on but in any case, no, this man scowling at you on Skype, eyeballing his mother and leaving the room with his mother immediately after you shook his hand would not in my book constitute bullying.
It would though be fair to say it is part of a simmering nicely family bust up.

Free-2-Flow

I looked at this thread because of the headline.

When I seen your opening post I laughed, Are you suggesting someone from America has bullied you by being silent on a phone screen? The Human race is doomed.

harr

Not really suited to the parenting forum ?

freshpopcorn

Some people have terrible social skills.
I'd question both of ye're social skills here because he isn't bullying you. From the way your coming across I know a lot that might be a little off with you!

Wesser

Mary

The quality of the answers you get here depends on the quality of the information you provide.

Can you please explain what exactly your concern is.
It soubds to me that your nephew is being rude to you not bullying you
.
Why don't you ask him what's wrong and try to have an adult conversation with him .

Airyfairy12

Did you ask them what their problem is? It could just be a misunderstanding.

Big Bag of Chips

There's obviously more to this than just those two incidents. What has you relationship with your nephew been like all along? What about your brother, and sister-in-law? Have you always gotten on?

It sounds like your nephew doesn't like you, for whatever reason. And yes, for the sake of civility he should be an adult and be polite whenever he sees you. But he's not doing that. At 28 I'm not sure what you can do about that. You can try talk to him if you think it'd get you anywhere. Or you can bite your tongue for the duration of their visit and be glad to see the back of them when they leave.

tedpan

If you're 48 and he's 27, as adults, ask him if he has a problem with you. If he doesn't answer, talk to your brother. If you get nowhere, tell them all to piss off. You don't need stress and rudeness like that in your life.