Staying in touch with friends

LegacyUser

I have a small group of friends. We are quite easy going, but always made the effort to meet up for drinks, lunch, do the odd weekend away etc.

We are all in our mid 30's now so life is taking priority. People are having kids, buying homes and building their lives. Thats normal and natural.

My problem is that if i didnt stay in touch, i wouldnt hear from most of them from one end of the year to the next.
When we manage to meet up, we are still great friends, but if I didnt arrange it, it wouldnt happen.

All i expect is the odd message or invite for a coffee every month or two.
I want to think that they are busy with pregnant wives etc but its still not pleasant to think that if i didnt make the effort, I probably wouldnt see any of them more than once or twice a year.

I cant talk to them about it, we are not that kind of group, it would just become uncomfortable.

-Am I expecting too much from them?

Airyfairy12

It sounds like theyve moved on from the friendship, they sound busy with their families, homes, jobs and other friends and dont have time or cant be bothered to fit you in. Priorities change as people get older and friendships grow apart. Could you try make new friends that you have things in common with? Maybe join a sports team or something else that youre interested in so you can meet people that way.

Lead

Set up a whatsapp group chat so you can all keep in touch and maybe once a month try organise a night out. Not everyone will go but i'm sure some in the group will and then the next month the rest might?

woodchuck

While you're technically not asking too much, I wouldn't expect an awful lot from them either. You said yourself that they're busy with kids, houses etc. It sounds like they're happy to meet with you when they hear from you, but don't have the time (or energy) to organise something themselves.

Imagine you've come home from work wrecked on a Friday evening and you're not thinking anything beyond curling on the couch with a takeaway and tv. Now if someone sent you a text to head out you might be tempted... but it probably wouldn't even occur to you to suggest the idea yourself. That's how I imagine parents feel all the time

So I wouldn't take it personally at all. But unfortunately it sounds like if you want to keep meeting up with these friends, you may have to continue to be the organiser.

zoobizoo

IF you can accept being the organiser and you enjoy their company, then keep making the effort. It's worth it.

My friends (in one group) are the same. They've got kids etc and it becomes easier to just hang out with other parents for a period.

Women tend to get their friends together but guys (from experience) do seem to be lazier when married.


Keep making the effort if the pay off is there...

LynnGrace

They probably have fallen into the habit of expecting you to arrange it. If it's worth it, and you enjoy their company when you all meet up, I'd say keep things going. I know what you mean though, sometimes, in the past I have wondered the same. But it's mostly worthwhile to make the effort, in my view.

Friendships do of course evolve over time, but as I said, if you are all still enjoying one another's company, it's good to keep things going.