Worried about potentially gay friend.

Woah

Hi everyone,

So basically I would like some advice on whether or not I should ask my friend if he is gay.

Last month I noticed he has a gay dating app on his phone. I wasn't snooping, just happened to be sitting beside him.as he was flicking through his phone and it caught my eye.

I've been really worried about him struggling with this alone. I want to let him know that if he is gay it won't change our friendship and I won't think any less of him. He knows I have nothing against gay people but it would be different if he heard me say I would have no problem with him being gay.

I also want to ask him for admittedly selfish reasons. I can't stop thinking and worring about this for the last month and I feel trapped because I can't discuss it with him but I also can't talk about it with anyone else.

Any advice on what to do?

D0NNELLY

Mind your own business

Edit, of course be there if he asks, or if you notice a change in his behaviour.

Big Bag of Chips

Does he seem like he is struggling? If not then just be a friend to him. If he is gay he will tell people (or not) in his own time. He might meet someone that he really likes and introduce him to people when he's ready.

Just be a good friend. Don't treat him any differently than you would if you hadn't seen the app. Because, after all, if it wouldn't matter to you in the slightest, then it shouldn't matter to you in the slightest.

Unless you definitely notice something different about him and that he might seem troubled about something, then you could ask him about that. Like you would, as a friend anyway.

GingerLily

You known yourself that because you want to know for selfish reasons then you know you shouldn't ask him.
Just be his friend and if you feel like he's trying to open up to you then make an effort to be a good listener so he feels open to sharing with you.

joey10

Maybe strike up a conversation along the lines of "One of my friends came out to me last week on FB. I was so happy for him/her and wish that my closeted friends are all out to me. I don't have a problem with that. xyz" See whether he takes the bait. If not, it might be best to keep quiet. He probably won't appreciate being outed against his will by you.

baby and crumble

As someone who struggled to come out to her friends, I'd actually say the opposite to a lot of other posters. If a friend had asked me outright, on our own, if I was gay when I was in that mode, I probably would have been delighted, in particular if it was the case that it was clear that they'd had an inkling but wanted to let me know either way that it was fine and they'd have my back. It's a terrifying time, and it might just be what he needs. TBH leaving a gay app on an easily seen part of your phone sounds like he's not overly concerned/ wants someone to pick up on it.

Then again, that's just me.

Skibunny77

Op, just be honest. Tell your friend you caught sight of the app on his phone, tell him you're not prying and if he doesn't want to have a conversation with you about it, you won't mention it again, but you just wanted to say you saw it, you're his mate and if he wants to talk, you're there. He may very well have let you see the phone in the hope to provoke the conversation. This is what friendship is all about, bit of honesty, offer to talk and respect his privacy if he doesn't.

LushiousLips

I would also say ask him. He might be delighted that you have brought up the conversation. Be there for him, its a terrifying time.