Is my counsellor right for me?

lufties

Hi guys,

I've been seeing a counsellor recently, but every time I come out feeling confused, beaten down (mentally) and sobbing.
Yes, he has a way of digging very very deep indeed. However, its bringing me to a constant state of anxiety. He makes me feel the I'm really broken and need a lot of healing, but maybe that is true and I'm perhaps avoiding the truth about myself and my demons. I know counselling is meant to be hard, but I've been had bad anxiety since my last visit yesterday, and a few times previous.

Any thoughts\advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

farmerwifelet

Sometimes therapy does that, but is it the therapist or the issues behind it? I went to two different therapists. The first one just didn't click with me. We had a falling out in the end. I went to another therapist and although we went over some of the same ground and I did come out crying a few times but i found myself feeling stronger after.
Think really hard is it talking about the problems you are dreading or talking about the problems with him? Is it that you don't want anyone to go there with those issues or just him?

Maybe explain that you are feeling anxious and ask if he has any suggestions. For therapy to work they should also be able to help you deal with the emotions that therapy triggers. Just remember you may feel broken but he is there to help fix you! : )

lufties

farmerwifelet wrote: »

Sometimes therapy does that, but is it the therapist or the issues behind it? I went to two different therapists. The first one just didn't click with me. We had a falling out in the end. I went to another therapist and although we went over some of the same ground and I did come out crying a few times but i found myself feeling stronger after.
Think really hard is it talking about the problems you are dreading or talking about the problems with him? Is it that you don't want anyone to go there with those issues or just him?

Maybe explain that you are feeling anxious and ask if he has any suggestions. For therapy to work they should also be able to help you deal with the emotions that therapy triggers. Just remember you may feel broken but he is there to help fix you! : )

Hey, thanks a million for the reply Yeah its strange alright. Think its the issues and how they are being addressed, I think its that he doesn't pull any punches, I come out feeling that I'm a truly broken person that needs a lot of fixing. He tends to focus on the metaphysical a lot, like spiritual things. There is a lot of creedance to this of course, but to be told I'm toxic on the inside is just so hard to hear. In fact it just raises my anxiety.
The counsellor is nice, but I get the feeling that he wants me to go through real pain during these sessions. I know I have some real 'inner' demons, but the serious tone doesn't seem to help me.
I've had previous lady counsellors that tackled some issues, but it was much easier going. I don't see how exploring deep into the past with a magnifying glass helps much. Four weeks in,and I feel down, anxious, confused and afraid, with chest pains from anxiety. Surely thats not right.

farmerwifelet

yeah doesn't sound right to me. Yes you have issues but labeling you toxic doesn't sound right. Surely he should say that behaving a certain way is toxic but you can change how you behave. We have all done crappy things in the past but you have to figure out how to change so you don't behave that way again. That should be the goal.

lufties

farmerwifelet wrote: »

yeah doesn't sound right to me. Yes you have issues but labeling you toxic doesn't sound right. Surely he should say that behaving a certain way is toxic but you can change how you behave. We have all done crappy things in the past but you have to figure out how to change so you don't behave that way again. That should be the goal.

Cheers farmer. During the therapy sessions, I feel like he's telling me how I am without any type reassure or empathy, and it's just making me feel awful inside. Perhaps I should look elsewhere indeed.

eviltwin

lufties wrote: »

Cheers farmer. During the therapy sessions, I feel like he's telling me how I am without any type reassure or empathy, and it's just making me feel awful inside. Perhaps I should look elsewhere indeed.

I think the fact he hasn't so far picked up on your distress so far is a concern. Its the job of the therapist to manage the session in a way that you are not getting overly distressed and to notice when you are. Its also their job to close the session down in a way that you are not leaving with the mental equivalent of an open wound.

Your right when you say counselling can be hard but you have to be able to trust the process and the person working with you and it doesn't feel that you are able to fully trust your therapist and you know, that's okay....not every counselling style suits every client, not every therapist is going to connect with you

If your therapist is following a particular therapy style it might be worth looking for something different next time. You should not be leaving your sessions feeling that way.

lufties

eviltwin wrote: »

I think the fact he hasn't so far picked up on your distress so far is a concern. Its the job of the therapist to manage the session in a way that you are not getting overly distressed and to notice when you are. Its also their job to close the session down in a way that you are not leaving with the mental equivalent of an open wound.

Your right when you say counselling can be hard but you have to be able to trust the process and the person working with you and it doesn't feel that you are able to fully trust your therapist and you know, that's okay....not every counselling style suits every client, not every therapist is going to connect with you

If your therapist is following a particular therapy style it might be worth looking for something different next time. You should not be leaving your sessions feeling that way.

Thanks eviltwin, yeah, I feel he digs deep, 'opens the wound' as you put it, but leaves it open for me to 'ponder over'..As a grown man, I leave pretending to smile, but distraught and confused inside..I just can't tell whether its what I need (tough therapy), or a softer more positive approach. The former is cetainly adding stress to my life.

eviltwin

lufties wrote: »

Thanks eviltwin, yeah, I feel he digs deep, 'opens the wound' as you put it, but leaves it open for me to 'ponder over'..As a grown man, I leave pretending to smile, but distraught and confused inside..I just can't tell whether its what I need (tough therapy), or a softer more positive approach. The former is cetainly adding stress to my life.

If he's not closing the session down he's not being ethical. The feelings are meant to be contained within the space, it's normal to leave a session felling drained, sensitive etc but you should not be leaving with that kind of raw emotion going on.

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lufties

eviltwin wrote: »

If he's not closing the session down he's not being ethical. The feelings are meant to be contained within the space, it's normal to leave a session felling drained, sensitive etc but you should not be leaving with that kind of raw emotion going on.

He closes down the session by saying 'we need to bring the session to a close', just off the back of me feeling raw.