Is he normal or wrong

laurey

Hi, I am posting here as suppose I want to get opinions from men but women are also welcome to give theirs too. Maybe I'm massively overreacting because I love my fiancé and feel jealous or maybe I'm right to be concerned. I'm hoping you guys will help me decide.
I was looking for a recipe on the iPad and couldn't find it but I remembered I found it in the iPad before so I checked the history. I saw my fiancé had searched many photos of a girl on his Facebook. She was his Facebook friend but he has thousands of girls in his friends list so I have no idea who any of them are to him. I clicked in and the girl looked quite vulgar and had a bad girl look about her. It looked like he had looked through all her photos (all unnatural photos= selfies of herself pushing her lips out trying to look sexy and herself posing in a bikini)
I am more of a natural girl and prefer to smile in photographs and I look nothing like this girl. My heart dropped as I wondered why he felt the need to look up other girls when he has me. So I confronted him. He told me he was playing a game and her page just came up on the screen and he wondered who she was. He told me he has no memory of her and doesn't know her at all. I want to believe him and I hate myself for annoying him about stupid things, but I love him so much, never want any other guy and it hurts me if I'm not enough for him.
anyway I told my friend I was feeling hurt about this and sent a few photos of the girl. My friend then found other photos of the girl on Instagram and just sent me one saying "yeah she looks like a complete slut"
The picture she sent was one of the girl lying down showing off most of her body and tattoos in a sexual way. I noticed my fiancés name underneath and it said he liked her photo 76 weeks ago. This would have been when we were apart while I was pregnant, he was in Brazil at the time and I was here. I feel sick wondering if he's lying about her. If he liked her picture At that time, surely he knows who she is? Also why would he like a photo like that when he had a pregnant girlfriend who he loves? Is that normal for guys and does it mean nothing? Or does it mean he's likely to be unfaithful to me in the future? I could forget him liking the photo but we are a family now and so close and the fact he was still thinking of her and searching her photos hurts, please advise

MarkR

Jesus, he only liked a photo.

Have you never looked at an article online about a celebrity you fancied? Or checked out an ex on facebook? If that's all you have to go on, I wouldn't worry about it.

laurey

MarkR wrote: »

Jesus, he only liked a photo.

Have you never looked at an article online about a celebrity you fancied? Or checked out an ex on facebook? If that's all you have to go on, I wouldn't worry about it.

Thanks Mark, but it hurts me that she's a real girl who he fancies and thinks about. He is friends with her and I'm sure he has met her before if that's the case. What's he with me for if he's so mad about her?

MarkR

The internet and real life are two completely different things. The internet gives you annonymity (to a degree).

My father in law was a demon for liking things. Liked EVERYTHING. Holidays snaps. Joke pages. Pages you didn't really think he should be looking at, and certainly not liking, where liked. Some people aren't tech savvy, so maybe that too.

If you've never even thought about someone you know, you're probably in a minority. And if you have, then the only difference we're talking about is the medium.

lollsangel

Tbh hun i think nearly every man looks at these pictures. Yes, i get how you feel, ive had rhe same feelings too but you know he comes home to you every night.

I think its fairly normal, with the advent of the internet men have stopped using as much of the playboy and instead are looking at these other women that are scantily dressed online. These women enjoy knowing that these men like how they look but it doesnt go further than that.

Bandana boy

I would say he was having an affair with Mrs Palm and her five daughters while you were apart , nothing more sinister than that.

Pawwed Rig

You should apologise to him for your over reaction and move on with your life.

__Alex__

I often fall down the rabbit hole of looking at loads of the photos someone has posted on Facebook. Something piques my interest (could be anything; a nice landscape, or funny photo) and next thing you know I've looked at a hundred photos. You may well be reading too much into this. And, yeah, maybe what piqued his interest is a photo of her looking comely. He is only looking. Newsflash, people don't stop noticing attractive people because they are in a relationship. I'm married and my husband is not too subtle about checking out women with nice boobies when we are watching telly. In fact, he usually comments on it.

So don't worry. He was just looking, you're the one he wants to marry.

lukesmom

Yeah I'd feel the same as you do. My nose would be out of joint. I'd feel pretty sh1t but the facts are he's a man looking at photos of a gorgeous woman. He's not a robot he has feelings. As annoying as it is to you it's completely natural to look but as long as he's not touching then it's okay.

aujopimur

Recipe, ha.

lazybones32

laurey wrote: »

My heart dropped as I wondered why he felt the need to look up other girls when he has me.

Alright, you're pregnant so I'll go easy...there are over 3 billion other women in the world. No matter how beautiful you are, there are always other women who will catch a man's eye. Accept that this is going to happen.

You might be hormonal but you've gone to great lengths over someone looking at a photograph. Ask if your own behaviour is normal before asking about your boyfriend's...

One eyed Jack

lazybones32 wrote: »

Alright, you're pregnant so I'll go easy...

That might just be the longest pregnancy ever lazy bones, the OP was pregnant 76 weeks ago!

OP I think on it's own, this particular incident looks fairly harmless, but in the context of some of your other threads, I could only surmise that the relationship itself isn't particularly healthy, which is why I deleted my post earlier. Context makes an awful difference in scenarios like these.

myshirt

Did you actually share this girls photos with your friend and converse about personal issues with her that are between you and your partner?

Op, that is way, way, way worse than anything you described your partner doing. If anything I'd be worried about you if I were him, not any of this crap.

midlandsmissus

Generally in these situations, I say focus on what brings you relief.

I'm not sure what it is but women including myself can often focus on doomsday scenarios. Its like we won't let ourselves be happy.

You could think: everyone is naturally sexually curious. I still fancy Brad Pity and might like a picture of him. This man has chosen, is engaged to, and has a baby with me.

Your scenario is something other people dream of.

Masala

Jaysus.... getting worried now myself!!

How do you clean up r history on an IPad???

Especially Facebook ( long story !!)

heroics

Masala wrote: »

Jaysus.... getting worried now myself!!

How do you clean up r history on an IPad???

Especially Facebook ( long story !!)

Ha just in case. Open fb. Click search then edit in top right. Then select clear searches 😀

shugy

laurey wrote: »

Hi, I am posting here as suppose I want to get opinions from men but women are also welcome to give theirs too. Maybe I'm massively overreacting because I love my fiancé and feel jealous or maybe I'm right to be concerned. I'm hoping you guys will help me decide.
I was looking for a recipe on the iPad and couldn't find it but I remembered I found it in the iPad before so I checked the history. I saw my fiancé had searched many photos of a girl on his Facebook. She was his Facebook friend but he has thousands of girls in his friends list so I have no idea who any of them are to him. I clicked in and the girl looked quite vulgar and had a bad girl look about her. It looked like he had looked through all her photos (all unnatural photos= selfies of herself pushing her lips out trying to look sexy and herself posing in a bikini)
I am more of a natural girl and prefer to smile in photographs and I look nothing like this girl. My heart dropped as I wondered why he felt the need to look up other girls when he has me. So I confronted him. He told me he was playing a game and her page just came up on the screen and he wondered who she was. He told me he has no memory of her and doesn't know her at all. I want to believe him and I hate myself for annoying him about stupid things, but I love him so much, never want any other guy and it hurts me if I'm not enough for him.
anyway I told my friend I was feeling hurt about this and sent a few photos of the girl. My friend then found other photos of the girl on Instagram and just sent me one saying "yeah she looks like a complete slut"
The picture she sent was one of the girl lying down showing off most of her body and tattoos in a sexual way. I noticed my fiancés name underneath and it said he liked her photo 76 weeks ago. This would have been when we were apart while I was pregnant, he was in Brazil at the time and I was here. I feel sick wondering if he's lying about her. If he liked her picture At that time, surely he knows who she is? Also why would he like a photo like that when he had a pregnant girlfriend who he loves? Is that normal for guys and does it mean nothing? Or does it mean he's likely to be unfaithful to me in the future? I could forget him liking the photo but we are a family now and so close and the fact he was still thinking of her and searching her photos hurts, please advise

OP, its very normal behaviour! Your man is male, she is female so its natural hed like it. Maybe its an erotic thing. Hes aloud to look and like a pic.

pointelle

you're perfectly fine having a snoop ffs don't mind people telling you to check yourself!! If something feels wrong my love it most likely is , you already know what you want , whether you go ahead and do it is a choice , you can probably do better maybe you can't it's up to you best wishes to you

NIMAN

He's normal, you're wrong.

skallywag

pointelle wrote: »

you're perfectly fine having a snoop ffs don't mind people telling you to check yourself!! If something feels wrong my love it most likely is , you already know what you want , whether you go ahead and do it is a choice , you can probably do better maybe you can't it's up to you best wishes to you

Would you not think that's a (slight) overreaction considering that all the chap has done is to 'like' a picture?

I've also probably liked plenty of images of female friends which could be interpreted as sultry, etc, but I would have no particular interest in even messaging them for a chat, never mind doing anything else.

OP, all in all I would recommend you get your own ipad in order to avoid getting yourself worked up into a needless tizzy in future!

pointelle

skallywag wrote: »

Would you not think that's a (slight) overreaction considering that all the chap has done is to 'like' a picture?

That's fine if that's all she'd said but she had other concerns. continue snooping or do the so called French wife thimg

SVJKarate

laurey wrote: »

Thanks Mark, but it hurts me that she's a real girl who he fancies and thinks about. He is friends with her and I'm sure he has met her before if that's the case. What's he with me for if he's so mad about her?

All women are real women. You have absolutely no evidence that he has thought about her since he 'liked' that picture (which is very easy to do on FB with a mobile phone and even easier to do on Instagram . . . without requiring any amount of thought). Many people have 'FB friends' that they've never met in real life, or who they have not met in years. I have a small number of 'FB friends' that I knew from my youth but have not spoken to in decades. They do not occupy any of my thinking time.

I doubt he has thought about her for even a fraction of the time that YOU have thought about her. I often 'like' pics of people I don't know, or don't know well simply because they appear on my FB wall (because one of my 'FB friends' has previously liked it) and I do not give it a second thought. I'd probably not recognise the pic if I saw it again.

So, in summary, I think you are over-reacting to a fairly innocent and normal FB activity (by both men and women).

Murrisk

myshirt wrote: »

Did you actually share this girls photos with your friend and converse about personal issues with her that are between you and your partner?

A hell of a lot of women will confide in a close friend over worries they have about their relationship. It would be very common actually, from my experience. Not what a lot of men would like to hear but there it is! It wouldn't be in a gossipy way, more a "Can I talk to you about something in confidence" sort of thing.

irishman86

laurey wrote: »

Thanks Mark, but it hurts me that she's a real girl who he fancies and thinks about. He is friends with her and I'm sure he has met her before if that's the case. What's he with me for if he's so mad about her?

Im going to give you a honest foreign married with a childs point of view.
We like pictures on instagram thats what we do, if my wife went on my instagram she would see how much girls I follow.
I am friends with some of this hot girls on facebook aswell.
Thats it though I like pictures in my feed thats pretty much the story, you are over thinking this

yabadabado

Is the OP pulling the piss?
Talk about a complete overreaction.

H3llR4iser

Breaking news, humans don't stop liking attractive people just because they're in a relationship; There's no "off switch". Never, ever going to happen, regardless of what set of genitalia lays down there and what your orientations are. Looking at pictures or even talking to somebody don't constitute a "relationship offense".

What to say, you went full home run, there's one of everything in your post: immense jealousy, insecurity, break of trust, judgement, overreaction and finally a spectacular sprinkling of slut shaming, just to be sure to cover all bases. Seriously, do you and your friend think you can judge this woman you don't know based on her Instagram picutres and "tattoos"? There's usually a lot more to people than meets the eye, ESPECIALLY when the lens you're peeping through is the Internet.

Massive overreaction, and this is the nefarious effect social media has on people. Everyone constantly under the lenses, constantly under investigation, "why did you look at that picture", "why did you talk to him/her", "why why why". Relax. Most of the stuff people do doesn't have an hidden motive or an agenda. You look at some bit of information out of context, your mind fills in the blanks with its worst fears and doomsday scenarios.

Now we have devices that keep, want it or not, a long trail of "breadcrumbs" about anything we do (if you have ever looked at your Google location history, it's downright scary...).

Women and men alike should keep their phone/tablet/pc locked at all times; The "I have nothing to hide!" argument is null and void: you may think so in good faith and genuinely have no "hidden skeletons", but somebody snooping through you accounts gets broken and partial information, leading to wild assumptions.

Trust is a fundamental part of a relationship, if it's not there it means there's no respect between the partners and there should be no relationship either.

Murrisk wrote: »

A hell of a lot of women will confide in a close friend over worries they have about their relationship. It would be very common actually, from my experience. Not what a lot of men would like to hear but there it is! It wouldn't be in a gossipy way, more a "Can I talk to you about something in confidence" sort of thing.

Unfortunately, most of us know all too well.

Murrisk

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Unfortunately, most of us know all too well.

TBH, myshirt's post conveys that he doesn't know this! Confiding in a friend - very common for women. The way myshirt is going on, he's treating it as totally abhorrent. I'm thinking "Really?". It has always and will always happen. Sometimes gender stereotypes aren't true or helpful but one that I can jump on board with wholeheartedly is: women talk.

professore

OP you realise he has also used porn on several occasions? Does that bother you too?

Senna

I think this is a troll: looked at his history for a food recipe, sent the pictures to my friend, why am I not enough for him. If this is real, then I pity the poor fella who has to put up with this girls crazy.

0ph0rce0

Ah the oul "You liked a picture, you must be sleeping with her"

Love this one

It's just as good as the one where you say to the missus I had this mad dream about "Insert Some Celebrity Name" and she thinks your banging her of real.

When I'm i ever going to ride Rihanna love??? Never, now stop going on about it.

red ears

Men are visual creatures they will always take a look at sexy women. Doesn't mean your relationship is in danger. You can bet he is still looking at porn too. Calm down.