Loss of family business

LegacyUser

The sale of our family business was finalised in the last month. We didn't want it to be put for sale, but the solicitor and banks took over after the death of the person who owned it, small mortgage on the place to keep him in money wasn't paid for 2 months prior to his death after he went off the rails.

It was purchased by people in the local community who we knew and respected previous to this, and everyone knew the members of the family who were alive wanted to buy it back from the banks, and just after we got loans of our own approved we found out someone went over us and had an offer accepted and were in the process of completing the sale. We didn't find out for nearly a year who it was, and it's been another year or so completing the sale.

I'm finding it all very hard to accept, it's was ours, everybody calls the place "Burkes", and for the past week have been saying Burkes is reopening. I'm only 24 myself, and with different things down the years I was able to spend very little time in it but would have been the past few years if it was possible. We all blame lots of things in our lives on these people who decided to take if from us. The fact I haven't been able to afford to go to college the past couple years, and that I'm going to have to leave and attend the local IT which will affect me for a long time. The fact my father had to emigrate for work. It was in the family for over 70 years, and its gone now.

I'm not even sure if i'm allowed to be or supposed to be mad at the people who bought it, but i am. Every time I hear about them I get angry or emotional, and I'm afraid of what I might do if i see them somewhere because I mightn't be able to control myself from saying everything I want to say to them or worse.

I haven't slept much since we got the final word on Tuesday last, and I can't stop thinking about it. I've deleted my facebook because they're sharing stuff on their social media page and I keep seeing it and getting upset again. Part of me thought people might be pissed too, many have said privately what they did was dirty, but people are just happy that they'll soon have their local back. I have to drive past it every day, and seeing them there inside breaks my heart. I'll have to go past it every day I'm ever at home, part of me wants to just move to some random English speaking city that doesn't have a warm climate and never think of or see home again.

Am I right to be so annoyed at it all I can't think of anything else, or am I over-reacting and being a gob****e

rainbowtrout

It's hard to deal with a death in the family and then see the family business sold. But the people who have bought the pub have done nothing wrong.

The concern the bank have is to sell the property and to get the best price for it to pay off the mortgage. You describe the buyers as people 'who went over us and had their offer accepted'. This wasn't a dig at your family. They made an offer, your family did not so their offer was accepted by the bank. To you, it might seem like they stabbed you (and your family) in the back. They probably saw it was up for sale and figured no one in the family was willing to take it on, so they put in an offer.


I think a lot of your anger is misplaced. Your father had emigrated for work. While it's a bit muddled, it sounded like you couldn't afford to go to college. You haven't stated who actually owned the pub, but it sounds like it wasn't enough to support your family anyway.

I think saying things like 'I mightn't be able to control myself... when I meet them' is overly dramatic. You said yourself you've spent very little time in the pub for the past few years. It's time to move on.

Tokyo

All is fair in love and war. And business.

The sense of family business and heritage is something that is very common in Ireland - in many ways that Bull McCabe mentality of 'it's MY field' is ingrained into our national psyche. In many ways it's understandable - the idea of taking over the family farm, pub or business and passing it on to the next generation has been part of who we are for a long time.

However, if you set aside emotion for a minute, the family who bought out the pub haven't done anything wrong. They made an offer, and ultimately their offer was better than yours and was accepted. Emotionally that can be a blow, but that's just one of the harsh realities of modern life. One positive way of looking at it however, is that the pub gets to live on and have new life breathed back into it - I've been to far too many rural villages where entire street fronts have been boarded up, or old shops are being knocked to make way for cookie-cutter style supermarkets.

freshpopcorn

As hard as it sounds that's business and these things happen. Locals might support the business or they might not.
Locals might love that theirs a new family in their or they might resent them for what they've done if it's a small area.
By the sounds of it, it's a pub.I know in my area pubs are always up for lease and a family/friends takes them over and see how it goes. Would this be an option for ye? (Even looking a little outside your area) You can't change what happened but only look to the future.

LegacyUser

rainbowtrout wrote: »

It's hard to deal with a death in the family and then see the family business sold. But the people who have bought the pub have done nothing wrong.

The concern the bank have is to sell the property and to get the best price for it to pay off the mortgage. You describe the buyers as people 'who went over us and had their offer accepted'. This wasn't a dig at your family. They made an offer, your family did not so their offer was accepted by the bank. To you, it might seem like they stabbed you (and your family) in the back. They probably saw it was up for sale and figured no one in the family was willing to take it on, so they put in an offer.

I think a lot of your anger is misplaced. Your father had emigrated for work. While it's a bit muddled, it sounded like you couldn't afford to go to college. You haven't stated who actually owned the pub, but it sounds like it wasn't enough to support your family anyway.

I think saying things like 'I mightn't be able to control myself... when I meet them' is overly dramatic. You said yourself you've spent very little time in the pub for the past few years. It's time to move on.

The reason I say they went over our heads is because it was known we wanted to buy it off the banks, we didn't assume it was well known, an offer couldn't be made without proof of funds ie the approval of a loan. It was done in a matter of weeks with a cash purchase, no loan, and the people who bought it are a group of 4 different families who came together to buy it. The manner of the people whenever we've seen them, keeping their heads and being almost ashamed to look at us, would show that they know what they did was wrong but hey they still bloody done it.

My father only emigrated because he had nothing he could do locally after they became the buyers. It was an uncle of mine who owned the pub, dad was his only brother, but my father had been in it for 15 years in the 80s/90s when it was his father who owned it, and it was left to my uncle when he passed. It would have been more than enough to sustain me going to college, we're in a rural area but its a big local area and it was never quiet not your typical rural pub thats closed since the recession

The reason I'm so pissed is because I did get to spend so little time in it, it's been near 3 years since it went for sale and was closed, closed since. It was always ours, when I was younger I was when I older I'll be able to work in it, like I was supposed to do. Never will get the chance now.

LegacyUser

mike_ie wrote: »

All is fair in love and war. And business.

The sense of family business and heritage is something that is very common in Ireland - in many ways that Bull McCabe mentality of 'it's MY field' is ingrained into our national psyche. In many ways it's understandable - the idea of taking over the family farm, pub or business and passing it on to the next generation has been part of who we are for a long time.

However, if you set aside emotion for a minute, the family who bought out the pub haven't done anything wrong. They made an offer, and ultimately their offer was better than yours and was accepted. Emotionally that can be a blow, but that's just one of the harsh realities of modern life. One positive way of looking at it however, is that the pub gets to live on and have new life breathed back into it - I've been to far too many rural villages where entire street fronts have been boarded up, or old shops are being knocked to make way for cookie-cutter style supermarkets.

I get what you're saying in all being fair, doesn't mean it's right or that I shouldn't feel aggrieved.

Their offer wasn't better than ours, they got in before us while finances were being sorted. Solicitor/Auctioneer never informed us of the offer or gave us a chance to do anything before it was too late.

People have said that it will be good for the local area, and I get that side of things and despite how pissed off it has me seeing others attending the bar doesn't upset me, just the wrong people behind it.

It isn't a family taking it over, its a group of 4 couples all 50-60, all with money and some with other successful companies already, adding to their empires while we have nothing. My father is recently 60 and has been spending 4 weeks in a row living in a lorry on the continent, it's taken a serious toll on him physically, he's aged 10 years in the past 2 since he was forced to get a job.

LegacyUser

freshpopcorn wrote: »

As hard as it sounds that's business and these things happen. Locals might support the business or they might not.
Locals might love that theirs a new family in their or they might resent them for what they've done if it's a small area.
By the sounds of it, it's a pub.I know in my area pubs are always up for lease and a family/friends takes them over and see how it goes. Would this be an option for ye? (Even looking a little outside your area) You can't change what happened but only look to the future.

It seems to be a mixture of happy to see the place re-opening in the near future, and how they'll never turn their backs on these people.

Friends of mine have said that, why not go work in a pub somewhere else if ya love it so much, work your way up and run that one. My father could have become a bar manager in lots of places near, pride and shame made him decide to work on the road than have others talk about him or laughing at him. It was our pub, it's been ours for as long as both me and my father can remember, it's not a small thing it was a point of pride forever

GingerLily

How would the pub have sustained you? Did you ever have any ownership? Did the business not pass to someone in the will? Were they given a chance to clear the arrears? How long after the death did the sale go through?

freshpopcorn

itsdamntrue wrote: »

It seems to be a mixture of happy to see the place re-opening in the near future, and how they'll never turn their backs on these people.

Friends of mine have said that, why not go work in a pub somewhere else if ya love it so much, work your way up and run that one. My father could have become a bar manager in lots of places near, pride and shame made him decide to work on the road than have others talk about him or laughing at him. It was our pub, it's been ours for as long as both me and my father can remember, it's not a small thing it was a point of pride forever

The thing is. It's easy enough to rent a pub and essential it will be ye're own boss as ye'd have hardly no issues once ye pay the rent. I didn't suggest that ye go work for other people.
Have ye actually ever run the pub by yereselves? IE have to earn a living off it, pay bills and rates, it would also be a lifestyle change if ye were doing it full time.

LegacyUser

I think the resolution to this problem lies in you copping on that nobody did anything wrong according to what you've written here. A business was up for sale, someone bought it, nothing to see here. You have a sense of entitlement and bitterness about it, neither of which you have any grounds for. It wasn't yours and you and your father couldn't afford it when it was available, someone else could. The idea that they "went over your heads" is, frankly, nonsense, the dogs in the street knowing you want to buy it is meaningless if you aren't in a position to buy it. The fact that a member of your extended family once owned it is irrelevant and I would say those people aren't making eye contact with you is because the aggression towards them you're showing here is manifesting itself in real life and they don't want to deal with totally misplaced hostility. Move on with your life and don't become the idiot hanging around moaning about this.

itsdamntrue

itsdamntrue wrote: »

The reason I say they went over our heads is because it was known we wanted to buy it off the banks, we didn't assume it was well known, an offer couldn't be made without proof of funds ie the approval of a loan. It was done in a matter of weeks with a cash purchase, no loan, and the people who bought it are a group of 4 different families who came together to buy it. The manner of the people whenever we've seen them, keeping their heads and being almost ashamed to look at us, would show that they know what they did was wrong but hey they still bloody done it.

My father only emigrated because he had nothing he could do locally after they became the buyers. It was an uncle of mine who owned the pub, dad was his only brother, but my father had been in it for 15 years in the 80s/90s when it was his father who owned it, and it was left to my uncle when he passed. It would have been more than enough to sustain me going to college, we're in a rural area but its a big local area and it was never quiet not your typical rural pub thats closed since the recession

The reason I'm so pissed is because I did get to spend so little time in it, it's been near 3 years since it went for sale and was closed, closed since. It was always ours, when I was younger I was when I older I'll be able to work in it, like I was supposed to do. Never will get the chance now.

They're probably afraid to look at you because you're going on about being out of control and losing the plot with them.
It was for sale, they bought it, they did nothing wrong
Feel upset at the loss sure but don't blame it on other people

LynnGrace

itsdamntrue wrote: »

It seems to be a mixture of happy to see the place re-opening in the near future, and how they'll never turn their backs on these people.

Friends of mine have said that, why not go work in a pub somewhere else if ya love it so much, work your way up and run that one. My father could have become a bar manager in lots of places near, pride and shame made him decide to work on the road than have others talk about him or laughing at him It was our pub, it's been ours for as long as both me and my father can remember, it's not a small thing it was a point of pride forever

Honestly, people won't be laughing or talking about your dad. Really, they won't.
It sounds like he would be better off taking a bar manager job than being miserable and far away doing something that doesn't suit him.

For yourself, I would say try to move on from it. Nobody will be thinking that much about it, apart from yourselves. As you said other people will be glad to see the place reopening, and that's probably as much thought as they will give it. It does sound like it is a tough time for you, but try to think of where you will go from here, and make a fresh start.
In time it might turn out to be a good thing that events happened as they did.
All the best.

Ursus Horribilis

itsdamntrue wrote: »

Friends of mine have said that, why not go work in a pub somewhere else if ya love it so much, work your way up and run that one. My father could have become a bar manager in lots of places near, pride and shame made him decide to work on the road than have others talk about him or laughing at him. It was our pub, it's been ours for as long as both me and my father can remember, it's not a small thing it was a point of pride forever

So in other words, you didn't lick your attitude off the ground. My comment isn't meant as an insult but as an observation. Your posts read like a hybrid of The Field and "what will the neighbours think?" and it's not healthy for any of you.

I can understand why you're so distressed over this. But you do need to get a grip and to stop poisoning yourself with bitterness. Yes, it was a smartarse move by the people who bought the pub and you'll probably never forgive them. But the way you're going on, you'd swear they'd poisoned your dog or burned your house down. It's only a pub at the end of the day. Four walls, bricks and mortar, probably nothing special to anyone other than your family. As has already been pointed out elsewhere, the locals aren't going to give a toss who runs the pub as long as it's a nice place to have a drink. A country pub near where I'm from was sold several years ago after being owned for generations by the same family. It didn't make one bit of difference to the locals. Once they got used to the new faces behind the bar, life went on and nobody even talks about the old owner any more.

Most of what you're writing here is driven by heightened emotions. There's little fact in all of this but lots of "it was in my family, it's ours" and talk of why you should've worked behind the bar. So what if you never did? Most people never work in their uncle's businesses. You're also tied up with the past and looking backwards. What good is that going to do? Instead, you should be looking into the future and trying to do something positive. You're going to make yourself ill if you keep going on like this.

Also, what does that comment about only going to an I.T. got to do with this? Is it something you tossed into the mix because you feel aggrieved and are in pity party mode? You're 24 years of age so if you feel so strongly about wanting to attend a university, why can't you go now? Or if you can't go right now, make plans to go.

As for your dad, is it still an option for him to manage a bar somewhere? As I've already said, the locals aren't going to give a sh*t if he goes working somewhere else locally. They're probably scratching their heads at the idea of a man of his age driving a truck. That pride gene in your family is a troublesome thing indeed.

LegacyUser

GingerLily: The pub would have had more than enough business to sustain normal life for us. My grandfathers name was above the door when he opened it, my fathers name for ~15 years after he retired, and my uncles for ~15 years up until his death. It was left to my father in his will, and there was no engagement with regards us clearing the debt, from the first minute all the talk was the sale of the pub. It's nearly 4 years since he died, we ran it for a period after his death before it was finally put for sale and has been closed for 3 years

Freshpopcorn: Yes we did run the place for several periods, my uncle needed a hand at times in the 00's and we helped out massively for a couple months at a time on 4 different occasions, it's not like we were going in blind. It wouldn't have been much of a lifestyle change, as it was done before, more of a life reset

Guessed Guest: We were in a position to buy it, we were getting loans cleared and it was during this period their deal was done. You say member of our extended family, it was set up by my grandfather not too long before my father was born, it's not some mad place my uncle set up 10 years ago that we decided we had a right to, my father owned it himself for periods.

Ursus Horribillis: I added the comment about having to probably now go the IT near us because I was in a course in TCD, did well in the 1 year i was able to go, in a course and field I can't do in the local IT. I seem pissy about having to go the IT now because I worked hard to be able to go there and I'm going to have to give that up because it can't be afforded, something that would be more than manageable if we were in the pub.


None of the comments here seem to echo my feelings at all. I'm not asking for people to just come here and agree with me for the sake of it, I wanted honest opinions on our situation and it seems the popular opinion is that I'm wrong for feeling the way I do. The fact it's wrong, according those of you who have been decent enough to take your time to read my story and give opinions and I'm thankful to those that have, has me very confused and feeling isolated for feeling the way I do, I can't even talk to my 2 best friends about it because some of the people involved are relations of theirs, that's how close the whole situation is to heart and you can imagine how well we knew the people who are taking it over. Either things are fcuked up or I am, somethings fcuekd up anyway

rainbowtrout

itsdamntrue wrote: »

The reason I say they went over our heads is because it was known we wanted to buy it off the banks, we didn't assume it was well known, an offer couldn't be made without proof of funds ie the approval of a loan. It was done in a matter of weeks with a cash purchase, no loan, and the people who bought it are a group of 4 different families who came together to buy it. The manner of the people whenever we've seen them, keeping their heads and being almost ashamed to look at us, would show that they know what they did was wrong but hey they still bloody done it.

My father only emigrated because he had nothing he could do locally after they became the buyers. It was an uncle of mine who owned the pub, dad was his only brother, but my father had been in it for 15 years in the 80s/90s when it was his father who owned it, and it was left to my uncle when he passed. It would have been more than enough to sustain me going to college, we're in a rural area but its a big local area and it was never quiet not your typical rural pub thats closed since the recession

The reason I'm so pissed is because I did get to spend so little time in it, it's been near 3 years since it went for sale and was closed, closed since. It was always ours, when I was younger I was when I older I'll be able to work in it, like I was supposed to do. Never will get the chance now.

You have an unbelievable sense of entitlement for something that neither yourself or your father owned. It's reading like a modern day version of The Field.

The whole 'it was well known we wanted to buy it malarkey'. I put that in with the people reserving names for their hypothetical children and telling everyone else they can't use that name type of behaviour. If you want to buy something intent will not buy it, you have to pony up the money.

I'd say the reason people are avoiding looking at you on the street is not out of a sense of shame, but more likely from the aggressive vibe you are giving off, if this thread is anything to go by.

I'm not sure why you think 'it was always ours'. Your father never owned it, and neither did you. But you seem to think it should have been yours automatically and funded you through college.

Loveinapril

You did one year of TCD, now you can't afford it but your dad hasn't owned the pub in over 15 years and it has been closed for three years. How has the pub got anything to do with your education?
You also keep referring to it being 'ours' and 'we' got the loan. You need to take a step back and actually recognise that NONE of this is/ was yours. Your dad owned it (past tense) and i presume it was him applying for loans. You are forging your own life now.

Big Bag of Chips

At 24, OP, you can't possibly know what arrangement your dad had with his brother in the 00s. You were a child. Your uncle owned the pub and died 4 years ago. If it was passed to your dad why did he not keep on the running of it and sort out whatever loans were needed while continuing to run the business? Why did he take a job driving trucks 2 years ago. You're 24, and not working it would seem, so who's 'we' that were getting money together.

I think you're guilty of listening to gossip, supposition and good old begrudgery and you are taking it all as fact and as a given. The people who bought the business are business people. It's what they do. 4 years ago your uncle died, and 2 years ago your dad took a job driving trucks. Why on earth do you think that that's the fault of anyone else?

You need to let go of your anger now, and if you are returning to college at 23 or 24 it is up to you to fund it, not your parents.

freshpopcorn

itsdamntrue wrote: »

Freshpopcorn: Yes we did run the place for several periods, my uncle needed a hand at times in the 00's and we helped out massively for a couple months at a time on 4 different occasions, it's not like we were going in blind. It wouldn't have been much of a lifestyle change, as it was done before, more of a life reset

It's different tough when it's solely ye're responsibility and ye have to do it 363 days a year!
I think theirs major rose tinted glasses going on here!

3DataModem

Closed for three years?

The buyers are probably doing it partly to get it open and stop the town having a boarded up pub. Three years is a long time to get it sorted. How long do you think you should you be given?

Maybe I just don't understand. Who is getting the money from the sale?

retro:electro

Something doesn't add up with the logistics of this story re: the sale

rainbowtrout

I wasn't just thinking the same. OP in one of you last posts you said your father owned it before your uncle but in one of your earlier posts you said your father ran it after your grandfather retired and then your uncle took it on.

If it was left to your uncle then your father never had ownership. There's a big difference between running it and owning it.

Also while I appreciate that execution of an estate can take a long time after the death of a relative, if the pub had been left to your father then I imagine the first course of action by the solicitor would be to start the transfer ownswrship and for your father to take over a loan on it. He would also have had to pay a hefty chunk of inheritance tax most likely.

More to the point if it's been in your family that long why is there still a loan on it. It must have been a aubstantial loan for the bank to want to sell it.

Did your uncle actually leave a will? It were you just told that? If he died intestate with a business with a large mortgage then the natural thing for a bank to do would be to recoup their loss by selling it.

Who is getting the proceeds of the sale of the pub? If it's your father, then you don't have the full facts about the sale. If it's the bank, then there was a large loan on it in the first place that needed to be paid back.

Also if you uncle took over the pub 10 years ago and your father went working on the trucks 2 years ago, what was he doing for money for the 8 years in between? You stated that you are
24 so presumably you originally went to college when you were 17-18. That was 6-7 years ago. Your father was long gone from the pub when you started college. Your lack of funds to continue to second year had nothing to do with the pub. A lot of things don't add up

Big Bag of Chips

itsdamntrue wrote: »

We didn't want it to be put for sale, but the solicitor and banks took over after the death of the person who owned it, small mortgage on the place to keep him in money wasn't paid for 2 months prior to his death after he went off the rails.

Your dad ran it for a year after the death of your uncle. What did he do to keep up payments or clear arrears? It didn't go straight from your dad taking it over for a year to the banks suddenly deciding they were going to sell it. There would have been negotiations over and back for quite some time before it got to that point. Maybe your family haven't given you all the details.

itsdamntrue wrote: »

. It was left to my father in his will, and there was no engagement with regards us clearing the debt, from the first minute all the talk was the sale of the pub.

That's definitely not true. (Unless the talk was coming directly from your dad)

itsdamntrue wrote: »

My father only emigrated because he had nothing he could do locally after they became the buyers......

it's been near 3 years since it went for sale and was closed, closed since. It was always ours, when I was younger I was when I older I'll be able to work in it, like I was supposed to do. Never will get the chance now.

The pub went up for sale 3 years ago. And the sale finalised very recently. Your dad 'emigrated' (he didn't emigrate unless he moved permanently to the continent) 2 years ago. These people had nothing to do with your dad taking the truck job. Business people with plenty of cash don't take 3 years to complete purchase of a pub. So your family have had 3 years to get yourselves together if they wanted to continue to keep the pub, and they didn't. For whatever reason. Maybe your dad had no interest anymore. These business people would have come in fairly recently, maybe in the last year or few months and bought it. You say your uncle missed 2 months payments on a small mortgage before he died. Has anyone made any attempt to pay that mortgage over the last 4 years? If not then of course the bank are going to sell it.

You are young, OP, and I'd guess you are sheltered enough (if you are 24, in first year in college and expecting your family to fund it) you don't have all the facts and you don't know the exact circumstances of the deal. Your grandad opened a pub. Your family kept it for years and then let it go. It happens a lot. All the talk of you working in the pub when you got older was just talk. Plans and circumstances change all the time. You have no entitlement to a job, and if you're in college in a niche course then you were hardly likely to want to take over the running of the pub, and your family were unlikely to hold onto the business just so you could work a few part-time hours here and there that you promised when you were a child!

You have a lot of misplaced anger and resentment. Best thing you can do, for yourself, is to let go of it. Wish the new people well and get on with your own life. Who knows, you might still be able to do a few part time hours in the pub occasionally and keep the family name living on in it.

Mr. Incognito

You didnt own it.

The Bank did.

The Bank sold it.

You couldnt afford to buy it.

Move on.

Penn

OP regardless of the (very valid) questions others have asked about who owned the pub and who could afford it etc, I think the main issue here is that you seem to have staked a lot of your future on something that was never really yours to begin with. You're completely romanticising the pub to the point where it was the key to your entire life.

You can't go to college to do the course you wanted, but you feel you would have if your family still had the pub. If it's because you'd be working part time in the pub and earning money, there are other bar jobs (and other jobs) you could get. If it's that your family would have had enough money to just help you out financially, sorry to burst your bubble, but I highly doubt it. Part of the reason your family couldn't buy back the pub was through trying to clear existing loans and get a new loan. Pubs don't rake in such a huge amount that they'd be able to pay for you to go to uni or whatever straight off the bat even if they did get the pub.

Secondly, it's an issue of pride. You're so focused on the history of the pub, how it was in your family, how it might have been yours one day, how everyone knows you're one of the 'Burkes' etc. Now that source of local pride has been taken from you by other people who you seem to view as being inferior. The pub was never yours, and seeing as how the course you want to do isn't available in the local IT, it's probably not a course tied in with running a pub. Would it ever have been yours anyway if that's not the actual career path you want to follow?

Again, you're completely romanticising the pub and you've tied it so much in to your future that it was the key to everything. And now that key has been (absolutely legitimately and fairly) taken away from you that if you're not careful, you're going to blame it for everything going forward.

I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle, but something happened financially to the point that the pub wasn't taken from your family, your family lost it. At a guess, I'd say it wasn't making enough money that loans were taken out, thereby allowing the banks to sell it when the loan wasn't being paid back. And considering your father opted to be miserable driving trucks on the continent rather than take a local job out of pride, I'm guessing the issue of romanticising the pub and it being such a source of pride was something ingrained in you from him.

The pub is gone. It's not, and never was yours. Your future is no longer tied to it. Make a new future rather than being tied to what might have (but probably wouldn't have) been.

freshpopcorn

Just a quick question OP.
Are you sure your parents have being honest with you about everything? A lot of this story seems a bit patchy in places!

Ursus Horribilis

Also, you're now 24. You can go back to college as a mature student under your own steam if you want to.

Big Bag of Chips

Just another thing. The pub has been closed for 3 years. Yet you've just finished 1 year of a college course that you say you now have to give up because you can't afford it because the pub is no longer in the family. But it hasn't been a source of income for 3 years! If you want to continue your studies in TCD then you go to the college and find a workable solution. You are 24. Long past the age where your parents should be financially supporting your college choices. You might need to defer the course and find a job for a while. You might need to get a loan and work through college to support yourself etc.

But as a previous poster mentioned you seem to be pinning an awful lot on a business that closed 3 years ago. If you drop out of your course then that's not the fault of the pub. And I'm confused, why would you start a course in the local IT if it doesn't offer the course you want? Why not work instead of starting a college education that you're not that interested in? You don't HAVE TO be in college!

If it comes to it that you have to drop out, then you should not take up another course. You should work to be able to support yourself in going back to college at a later time to do the course you want. Either fulltime or even part time.

retro:electro

Op are you using the college drop out story and telling it to people as a way of making the the buyers feel guilty? If so that's awful and unfair.

ManOfMystery

My parents have a very large field beside their house. It's quite a beautiful setting; it banks down onto a river and there's a forest on the other side.

My grandfather owned it up until about 40 years ago. He had a drink problem, and one night his neighbours - who were (and remain) manipulative and money-obsessed people - took him to a pub, got him hammered on whisky, and bought the field for a pittance. He signed the paperwork there and then.
He's dead now. My Dad had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about it for a while, then moved on. It irked me for a little while when I heard the story at a young age, then I moved on also. Truthfully, the thing that irked me was the underhandedness of it all rather than the fact of us no longer having rights to the field itself.

At no point did I ever feel any huge sense of injustice over something I never owned. Certainly not to the point of feeling like attacking those who bought it, and they arguably did so in a much more deceitful manner than the buyers you describe.
The field was never mine, and it was never my Father's. It belonged to my Grandfather, and no matter how unfair the circumstances may seem, it was his right to do whatever he pleased with it at that time. You are effectively in the same situation with this pub, but with perhaps even less claim on it. Bemoaning the loss of something you never actually owned is a huge exercise in wasted energy, and will lead to a massive chip on your shoulder. You are bitter over the fact that something which may potentially have made its way into your hands - should all the stars have aligned - has ended up elsewhere, but the fact remains that the people who bought it have done so legally and fairly. You may as well bemoan the fact that someone other than you will be winning the lottery this week.

Big Bag of Chips

anna080 wrote: »

Op are you using the college drop out story and telling it to people as a way of making the the buyers feel guilty? If so that's awful and unfair.

I think if this is the case people will be confused as to how a closed business was a funding his college course to begin with. The more you go around feeling hard done by by this, OP, the more the neighbours are going to think you haven't a clue what you're talking about and you're just a silly kid carrying on a family bitterness.

You've even said all the local people are delighted to see it opening again. They have no loyalty to you or your family. It's irrelevant to them who owns/runs the pub.

I hope you've realised now that maybe things aren't as you believe they are.

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talkback100

An awful lot of inconsistencies here.
I have a feeling I know this pub and I also have a feeling I knew the Uncle in the story.
If i'm right then the OP need to come clean here.

I have a feeling that he is not being told the whole story from his family here. Fair enough we would all probably believe what our parents are telling us but if your going to post stuff like this on an open forum you should get the story straight before posting.

I find it better to write down the stories before telling them so I can refer to it when I'm contradicting myself !!!!!.