Out of a 5 year relationship - forgotten what it's like to see new people

Melt Forward

Anyone any experience of this?

Obviously there's a massive void with the other person not being around any more and it can be quite lonely.

I'm not enthralled with the idea of Tinder and online stuff so just wondering where and how people go to meet new people?

My mates are pissheads so i dont really want to start hanging out with them.

I've started going to the gym a lot but again, by myself.

I'm not saying I want a new girlfriend but it would be nice to find people to meet/talk to/share experiences.

Like I said, 5 years is a long time and you tend to forget how to do things.

Any help greatly appreciated

Dial Hard

Honestly, if the break-up is recent I'd spend a while getting to know yourself as a single person again. I'm a big believer in being content single before looking to get out there again.

JackTaylorFan

Looking to meet new people?

I have one and a half words, sir.

Meetup.com << In before anyone else >>

Melt Forward

Dial Hard wrote: »

Honestly, if the break-up is recent I'd spend a while getting to know yourself as a single person again. I'm a big believer in being content single before looking to get out there again.

It's been about 5 weeks

There's just a massive void now - I'm not getting much human interaction, I feel meeting people might be good for me

slovakchick

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Looking to meet new people?

I have one and a half words, sir.

Meetup.com << In before anyone else >>

Pof

Melt Forward

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Looking to meet new people?

I have one and a half words, sir.

Meetup.com << In before anyone else >>

I had a look and for most of the events it seems like theres only ever '3 people attending' and such

Dial Hard

Melt Forward wrote:

It's been about 5 weeks

There's just a massive void now - I'm not getting much human interaction, I feel meeting people might be good for me

I understand that, I've been there before but I think dating to fill that void would be a) doing it for the wrong reasons and b) incredibly unfair on the people you'd be dating.

Can you reconnect with friends and family that you mightn't have seen as much of while you were loved up? We can all be a bit guilty of neglecting those relationships when we're with someone.

JackTaylorFan

Melt Forward wrote: »

I had a look and for most of the events it seems like theres only ever '3 people attending' and such

It depends on the event. I have been to a few meets where people who RSVPed was like 1 maybe 2, then 6 people showed up. It seems some of the more established weekly meets people just show up. Still not a huge crowd, but I don't like huge crowds, so I was happy.

Also, if you are in a small town there is obviously gonna be less groups. Anyways, thought it was worth a call since you want to meet new people. Best of luck with the gym

Melt Forward

Dial Hard wrote: »

I understand that, I've been there before but I think dating to fill that void would be a) doing it for the wrong reasons and b) incredibly unfair on the people you'd be dating.

Can you reconnect with friends and family that you mightn't have seen as much of while you were loved up? We can all be a bit guilty of neglecting those relationships when we're with someone.

To be honest my friends are into drinking and drugs and I'm trying to stay away from that sh*t so I can't hang out with them.

Starting a new job in 2 weeks so maybe that will help (I finished up in my last job last month so I've been literally at home by myself for a month which has been driving me mental)

Family will always be family but they don't stimulate me.

I must say even though I'm new to the gym/fitness lark I am really enjoying that

Big Bag of Chips

What are your interests? There are loads of groups and organisations that are always looking for and welcoming new members. They could be anything from a local running/walking/cycling group, soccer club, gaa club, drama group, musical society, scouts. Is there anything you think you might like to try but never went about it?

No matter where you are in the country there will be an abundance of groups around you that you might not even know exist.

Alf Veedersane

Learn to enjoy your own company again.

Don't stress about it.

See what opportunities the new job brings for meeting with people.

It's tough because you have a massive void, like you said, but it's not a race. It will take time to readjust and be ready for anything again. In the meantime enjoy doing what you enjoy doing.

Melt Forward

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

What are your interests? There are loads of groups and organisations that are always looking for and welcoming new members. They could be anything from a local running/walking/cycling group, soccer club, gaa club, drama group, musical society, scouts. Is there anything you think you might like to try but never went about it?

No matter where you are in the country there will be an abundance of groups around you that you might not even know exist.

Honestly, drinking, gambling, gigs and movies. I want to get away from the first 3 though - tired of the weekend hedonism (played a part in the breakup) so it's not as if I can rebound, go loco for a month and dip my wick into everything.

As I said, maybe the new job is what I need to occupy my mind and obviously meet new people

Melt Forward

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Learn to enjoy your own company again.

Don't stress about it.

See what opportunities the new job brings for meeting with people.

It's tough because you have a massive void, like you said, but it's not a race. It will take time to readjust and be ready for anything again. In the meantime enjoy doing what you enjoy doing.

Thanks for that.

Until I figure out what I want and enjoy I'll go two feet first into the gym thing

Dial Hard

Melt Forward wrote:

Honestly, drinking, gambling, gigs and movies. I want to get away from the first 3 though - tired of the weekend hedonism (played a part in the breakup).

Were these issues before the relationship? From what you've said about your friends, I'm guessing they were. In which case, I really, really think you need to get happy with *yourself* before you do anything else. Dating now would literally just be a distraction from your bigger issues.

By all means go hell for leather for the gym in the meantime, but be mindful that you're not just substituting one addiction for another (albeit a healthier one). Again, I suspect it's more of a distraction than an actual passion.

Alf Veedersane

Dial Hard wrote:

By all means go hell for leather for the gym in the meantime, but be mindful that you're not just substituting one addiction for another (albeit a healthier one). Again, I suspect it's more of a distraction than an actual passion.

I get what you're saying and without wanting to take the thread off topic, it can be a very positive influence.

I'm coming from an entirely different direction where I had to make sure it wasn't a negative and it has become overwhelmingly positive.

But for the OP it is also something they have used to fill the time void that used be spent doing less healthy pursuits. It's not unusual and it's not necessarily indicative of one addiction replacing another. It can just be part of a realisation that there's a need to be a bit healthier.

At this poInt in time, with no work to go to in the short term, it's easy to question everything OP. See how things go with the new job. It may open up new avenues.

JackTaylorFan

slovakchick wrote: »

Pof

I wouldn't... But I have standards

Melt Forward

Dial Hard wrote: »

Were these issues before the relationship? From what you've said about your friends, I'm guessing they were. In which case, I really, really think you need to get happy with *yourself* before you do anything else. Dating now would literally just be a distraction from your bigger issues.

By all means go hell for leather for the gym in the meantime, but be mindful that you're not just substituting one addiction for another (albeit a healthier one). Again, I suspect it's more of a distraction than an actual passion.

Yep, and they reared their head from time to time in the relationship. So going back to them now I'm single isn't an option as I'll be back to square one and, frankly, to be honest, I'm bored of my nocturnal habits. They should be left in my 20's.

As I said, I'm just feeling lonely right now, that's all. Sucks, but it happens to the best of us, and I'm just looking for ways to relieve it

Big Bag of Chips

If you're enjoying the fitness side, why not expand it? The gym can be a fairly solitary place. Not exactly the best place to meet people, but if you're building up your fitness you could think of joining a running club too. Definitely more social, and more opportunity to meet and talk to people.

My friend met and married her husband within 18 months of meeting in a running club. 14 years later they're still very happy, and still running! (I'm not suggesting you join up just to find a wife!! But you'll definitely widen your social circle)

Melt Forward

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If you're enjoying the fitness side, why not expand it? The gym can be a fairly solitary place. Not exactly the best place to meet people, but if you're building up your fitness you could think of joining a running club too. Definitely more social, and more opportunity to meet and talk to people.

My friend met and married her husband within 18 months of meeting in a running club. 14 years later they're still very happy, and still running! (I'm not suggesting you join up just to find a wife!! But you'll definitely widen your social circle)

That sounds like a good idea - where do I go about doing this?

Big Bag of Chips

Google!

What area of the country are you in? Running clubs are hugely popular now. I'd say every village in the country has one close enough. I live in a rural area and there are two, in either direction of me less than 5 miles away.

Melt Forward

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Google!

What area of the country are you in? Running clubs are hugely popular now. I'd say every village in the country has one close enough. I live in a rural area and there are two, in either direction of me less than 5 miles away.

Dublin! I'll google it and see if i can find anything

As I said, I just want to get out of the house and have some normal human interaction - my mates ain't an option

zoobizoo

If your friends aren't an option, make new friends.

Easier than most people think - particularly if you are active.

I always suggest clubs that travel - surf, kayaking etc... you go away on weekends, share lifts, share houses, share good times.

When I realised in my early 30s that the friends I had were too busy with families and others were only interested in drinking, I went off and joined a club and never looked back... new experiences, new romances, new friends that I have 10 years later.

Melt Forward

zoobizoo wrote: »

If your friends aren't an option, make new friends.

Easier than most people think - particularly if you are active.

I always suggest clubs that travel - surf, kayaking etc... you go away on weekends, share lifts, share houses, share good times.

When I realised in my early 30s that the friends I had were too busy with families and others were only interested in drinking, I went off and joined a club and never looked back... new experiences, new romances, new friends that I have 10 years later.

So basically just have a look at meetup.com and attend events that catch my interest?

Big Bag of Chips

In Dublin you will have no shortage of clubs available to you. Doesn't necessarily have to be through meetup.com. If you think you might enjoy kayaking, Google it! If you think you might like cycling or running or hurling or soccer, or basketball or whatever, there will be an abundance of clubs around you.

You're free and single now you have a freedom to go anywhere and do anything you want without having to consider others. Enjoy it.

zoobizoo

Basically Google activities you're interested in and see where the clubs are, what they do.

Maybe check them out on Facebook.

You'll find that there are loads of people looking to meet like minded people.

Conor Bourke

If you're wanting to keep fit and expand your social scene would you consider tag rugby?

Melt Forward

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

If you're wanting to keep fit and expand your social scene would you consider tag rugby?

Tried it in my old job, to be honest I wasn't mad about it but I agree it was a good way to meet new people.

Maybe I should join some classes in the gym instead of working out by myself

gsi300024v

meetup.com is good, I go hiking with 2 groups, one are mostly late 20s 30s, can be up to 50 people on a hike, kick ass adventures is that one, they in Dublin or near by. Nothing to hectic really. Don't need to be super fit. Most people on meetup are going on their own too so it's easier to chat with people then a club were everyone knows each other already. I meet my gf on a hike, we just got on well on the hike and I asked did she want to do something another time.
But even without the men women element of meetup, I've had some great chats while hiking, I can be a be nervous going with a new group, but people are in the same both and are there to be social. You could do some parkrun.ie runs. 5kms on every sat morning 9.30, marley park has 500 ish people and it's friendly and social and they look for volunteers to help out.
I've done a good few things with meetup groups, hikes, karting, ziplining, tennis, coffee afternoons, rockclimbing, squash, history stuff, dodgeball. It's hard to get mates out to do stuff so I find it a good way to get to be social and try stuff.
If you are just 5 weeks single again, yep it'll hurt, but maybe try let yourself feel lonely and not try avoid it. You could try some journaling, it's just writing for 5 mins whatever emotions are in your head, and it kinda helps if done regularly. Meditation is very relaxing too. And if you didn't feel a bit sad and lonely it might not be so great really. What about addiction support groups? AA NA SA OA etc, you might want to tackle the bad habits in a more formal head on manner.