Still check my ex's social media...five years after breaking up

LegacyUser

Pretty embarrassing I know, and I'm looking for advice as to why I can't stop checking my ex-girlfriend's social media accounts for updates. I'm not on there every day, and initially, after the break-up, I checked maybe once every few months, which I'm guessing is a pretty normal thing, albeit unhealthy.

I then stopped checking for a while before noticing she was on Instagram and another site called Tagged when I signed up for accounts on both. I now check her profile for updates more often than I did when we broke up. I can't make sense of my behaviour really.

In truth, she was my first love, and there's no getting around how I felt about her. But the relationship ran its course and she ended things so I've had to move on. I'm even in another relationship now. The curiosity always lurks beneath the surface to see what she's up to, though, and we haven't spoken since the break-up because it ended really badly, so social media provides a way to get updates on her life.

Lately, I've been struggling with unemployment and I suppose associated boredom so I'm not sure if it's simply down to not keeping myself occupied enough. Are there deeper reasons for this? Thanks for any help.

LuckyLloyd

I think your urge to do this is pretty normal. Whether it's "right" or "healthy" as a general behaviour is another matter but many otherwise stable / normal people use social media for the purposes of snooping.

The bottom line is that after a certain point you really should be deleting the social media of exes unless your friends and / or still in touch. The stuff you're gleaning isn't 'real' and your mind will naturally run away with itself filling in the context around it that you can't understand without knowing the person anymore.

Your last paragraph should be treated as a separate question - irrespective of this, you should know whether you're occupied enough or not and be aiming to keep yourself going as best you can. Don't forget to reach out and talk to those around you also.

Bambi985

I think it's more a symptom of boredom than anything else. And the more you see, the more you WANT to see, given that she's your ex girlfriend who you once had strong feelings for.

Try to set yourself up with a daily routine to establish some normality and sanity. Maybe get to the gym every morning, then have a breakfast routine and take yourself out to the library with a list of tasks/job apps you need to get done. Break it up with lunch and keep yourself busy until 5pm like everyone else. Use this as an opportunity to catch up with family and old friends and getting those jobs done that you've been putting off for years (for me it's health insurance paperwork and tax returns and changing bank accounts and taking that German course - would love a few weeks off to do it!)

JackTaylorFan

OP, it's not healthy, no.

There is a block button - employ it. It's not a great solution and it still takes willpower after to not unblock, but it's an affirmative move. One that makes you work a little harder and think a little longer the next time you get the urge to go cyberstalking.

baby and crumble

I'd knock it on the head (or try at least) because your current partner might get the end of the stick you don't want her to get (whether it's the right or wrong one isn't my business!) if she were to find out how much you check in with an ex of a number of years ago. Why do you care what she's doing anyway?