Stripclub

scruff22

I was on a stag about 6 months ago and got a lapdance in a stripclub. Myself and my girlfriend had spoken about this befrhand and she said she wouldn't have a problem with it. However, when I came back from the stag and told her that I had gotten a lapdance (just a straightforward lapdance) she was very annoyed and upset with me.
She is now going on a hen and going to be going to a stripclub, although she says that she won't get a lapdance.
Is it just me or is there a touch of double standards that she thinks there is no problem with her going to a stripclub?

Guffy

Its not that you went, its that you got a dance.


She is going, but not getting one. There is no double standards

scruff22

gufc21 wrote: »

Its not that you went, its that you got a dance.


She is going, but not getting one. There is no double standards

The dance was got for me, not by me

Guffy

scruff22 wrote: »

The dance was got for me, not by me

Someone bought me MDMA last week. Didn't take it though

She's not pissed cause u went. She's annoyed you had a dance. It's irrelevant who paid for it. I'm not saying she's right or wrong, its just my opinion at why she's annoyed.


I mean are you annoyed she's going?

If not would you be annoyed if her friend bought her one and he was stripped of rubbing himself all over her?

LegacyUser

scruff22 wrote: »

The dance was got for me, not by me

There was a gun to your head so?

I can't understand why someone in a committed relationship would have a naked (or topless) girl dance all over them, get them aroused and think this was ok or respectful to your partner.
Regardless what your partner thinks, getting a lapdance is just seedy.

scruff22

gufc21 wrote: »

Someone bought me MDMA last week. Didn't take it though

She's not pissed cause u went. She's annoyed you had a dance. It's irrelevant who paid for it. I'm not saying she's right or wrong, its just my opinion at why she's annoyed.


I mean are you annoyed she's going?

If not would you be annoyed if her friend bought her one and he was stripped of rubbing himself all over her?

Get your point but I don't think it's a comparable simile.

I'm annoyed that it wasn't ok for me to go, yet it is for her. I don't know the answer to that, but that could happen I suppose, that's what happens in stripclubs. you don't need to get a lapdance for that to happen.

clairewithani

Maybe she is thinking "sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander"

Guffy

Again i think you're missing the point. It was ok for you to go. She was pissed you got a personal dance

clairewithani

scruff22 wrote: »

Get your point but I don't think it's a comparable simile.

I'm annoyed that it wasn't ok for me to go, yet it is for her. I don't know the answer to that, but that could happen I suppose, that's what happens in stripclubs. you don't need to get a lapdance for that to happen.

As mentioned already your gf was not annoyed you went to the club, she was annoyed you had the lapdance. There is no double standards in my opinion.

Guffy

Did ye speak about going to the club in general or the possibility of you getting a dance specifically.

scruff22

gufc21 wrote: »

Did ye speak about going to the club in general or the possibility of you getting a dance specifically.

Both

clairewithani

scruff22 wrote: »

Both

And did she say she had no problem with you having a lapdance?

scruff22

clairewithani wrote: »

As mentioned already your gf was not annoyed you went to the club, she was annoyed you had the lapdance. There is no double standards in my opinion.

She was annoyed with both. Again, you dont need to get a lapdance for the above situation to happen in a stripclub

scruff22

clairewithani wrote: »

And did she say she had no problem with you having a lapdance?

No

Guffy

And she was happy with you getting a dance before you left? Like did ye talk about it or did you mention it in passing?


Either way the dance is the cruc of the matter. Maybe its a case she thought she would be ok with it i don't know

clairewithani

scruff22 wrote: »

No

There is a difference. Before you went she had no problem with you going to club. But when you came back she had a problem with you having a lapdance. That's what the problem was with. You said it yourself, answered your own point.

scruff22

clairewithani wrote: »

There is a difference. Before you went she had no problem with you going to club. But when you came back she had a problem with you having a lapdance. That's what the problem was with. You said it yourself, answered your own point.

She had no problem with my getting a lapdance before I left.
That's not my issue now though, I feel like it's the case that it's not ok for me to go but it's ok for her to

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

scruff22

scruff22 wrote: »

She had no problem with my getting a lapdance before I left (Mis-read your question above)
That's not my issue now though, I feel like it's the case that it's not ok for me to go but it's ok for her to

And again, you don't need to get a lapdance to have a half or fully naked stripper gyratimg around you in a stripclub

clairewithani

scruff22 wrote: »

She had no problem with my getting a lapdance before I left.
That's not my issue now though, I feel like it's the case that it's not ok for me to go but it's ok for her to

Sorry but things not ringing true here. To me sounds like she said she didn't mind you going to the club but she didn't want you getting a ladance. You had one. Your defence was someone else got it for you. Splitting hairs.

Ursus Horribilis

This is down to plain, old-fashioned point scoring in my opinion. You're sore your girlfriend got annoyed at you for getting a lapdance. Now something in a similar field has come up and you're seizing on the opportunity to even things up. Why cause a row over this?

scruff22

clairewithani wrote: »

Sorry but things not ringing true here. To me sounds like she said she didn't mind you going to the club but she didn't want you getting a ladance. You had one. Your defence was someone else got it for you. Splitting hairs.

I've clarified that she said that she didn't mind me getting a lapdance

scruff22

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

This is down to plain, old-fashioned point scoring in my opinion. You're sore your girlfriend got annoyed at you for getting a lapdance. Now something in a similar field has come up and you're seizing on the opportunity to even things up. Why cause a row over this?

I'm annoyed because she feels like it's not ok for me to be in the company of naked men but it is for her

Ursus Horribilis

scruff22 wrote: »

I was on a stag about 6 months ago and got a lapdance in a stripclub. Myself and my girlfriend had spoken about this befrhand and she said she wouldn't have a problem with it. However, when I came back from the stag and told her that I had gotten a lapdance (just a straightforward lapdance) she was very annoyed and upset with me.

So either she was upset and annoyed or she wasn't. Which one is it?

scruff22

scruff22 wrote: »

I'm annoyed because she feels like it's not ok for me to be in the company of naked men but it is for her

Naked women etc, I'm sure you get my point!

scruff22

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

So either she was upset and annoyed or she wasn't. Which one is it?

Prior to me going on the stag, she told me that she wouldn't have a problem with me getting a lapdance. Post me coming home from the stag she was annoyed and upset.

scruff22

scruff22 wrote: »

Prior to me going on the stag, she told me that she wouldn't have a problem with me getting a lapdance. Post me coming home from the stag she was annoyed and upset.

Ie she though she wouldn't have a problem but then did

Ursus Horribilis

So what are you looking for here? People to tell you you're in the right? Even if people share your opinion, what then? Are you going to go running to your girlfriend waving a printout of this thread and telling her people on the internet think you're right and she's wrong?

scruff22

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

So what are you looking for here? People to tell you you're in the right? Even if people share your opinion, what then? Are you going to go running to your girlfriend waving a printout of this thread and telling her people on the internet think you're right and she's wrong?

I'm trying to understand if my point of view has any validity

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

scruff22

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

She is excited to go the stripclub.
She also genuinely didn't think she'd have a problem with me getting a lapdance, we discussed this.
Should there be some consideration of how I might feel about some stripper rubbing himself up against my gf?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

scruff22

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I wasn't, as she said that she wouldn't have a problem with it.

Surely 2 wrongs wouldn't make a right though?

Ursus Horribilis

How about the pair of you have an honest open conversation about this? You appear to be dismissing her upset at you receiving a lap dance. I agree with what Permabear suggests. That she put on a brave face. Then when the theory became a reality, she was angry and upset. You're very eager to hark back to what she told you before you went, not her upset afterwards. Can you not understand why she'd be hurt? How she felt about some stripper rubbing herself against her bf?

Purpletoes

As a female who's fella went on a stag weekend recently and also went to a strip club.....

I didn't say anything about the strip club apart from I dont like the idea of half naked chicks dancing on his lap. He laughed. I secretly had mild panic he would be in his element with a lapdance. We have 2kids and a 7 year history so we are fairly secure.

He came home, told me all about the stag having a PRIVATE dance. Which I DID have an opinion on... Seedy comes to mind!

Anyway .. back to point. If my fella had come home and said he paid for or accepted a lap dance even though I hadn't actually said don't do it, I would have been upset and offended for the simple reason that if you are happy in your relationship you a) shouldn't be interested in anyone else, tits out or not and b) you should respect the fact that no matter how cool she played it, the thoughts of some other bird shaking her tits in his face and thrusting on his lap is not pleasant.

So now I have a question for you op ... You are now in the position where your lady is going to the club.

How will you feel sitting at home not really knowing what's happening while she's drinking and the women are all in high spirits egging each other on and then you find out she desired some other guy there and let him stick his bits in her face. .... Does it make you feel self assured or confident that you are the only one she wants still??

Just saying ;-)

Ps. I font see any point scoring here either. She vocalised no issue with you going to the strip club you stated.

scruff22

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

How about the pair of you have an honest open conversation about this? You appear to be dismissing her upset at you receiving a lap dance. I agree with what Permabear suggests. That she put on a brave face. Then when the theory became a reality, she was angry and upset. You're very eager to hark back to what she told you before you went, not her upset afterwards. Can you not understand why she'd be hurt? How she felt about some stripper rubbing herself against her bf?

We have had, she told me that she genuinely thought she wouldn't have had a problem with it. Of course I can understand why she subsequently did, although I think it was unfair to be pissed with me having said it would be ok prior to me going on the stag.

Anyway, the issue now is that she is obviously uncomfortable with me being in such a situation, but is ok with herself being in similar situation

Ursus Horribilis

Why are you refusing to acknowledge her feelings after you returned from the strip club?

scruff22

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Why are you refusing to acknowledge her feelings after you returned from the strip club?

Where have I said or intimated that I refused to acknowledge her feelings?

Purpletoes

scruff22 wrote: »

We have had, she told me that she genuinely thought she wouldn't have had a problem with it. Of course I can understand why she subsequently did, although I think it was unfair to be pissed with me having said it would be ok prior to me going on the stag.

Anyway, the issue now is that she is obviously uncomfortable with me being in such a situation, but is ok with herself being in similar situation

This is because she KNOWS she's not going to do anything but we all know the stereo type of men with temptation on a plate. Maybe she was nervous you might

It may be unfair but it's humanity.

Ursus Horribilis

scruff22 wrote: »

Where have I said or intimated that I refused to acknowledge her feelings?

You didn't say it but that's how I'm interpreting it. You keep going back to what she told you before you went. Was she not entitled to change her mind?

scruff22

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

You didn't say it but that's how I'm interpreting it. You keep going back to what she told you before you went. Was she not entitled to change her mind?

She is, but I think it's unfair to be pissed off with somebody for doing something that you told them you don't have a problem with

Ursus Horribilis

Seriously?

scruff22

Purpletoes wrote: »

This is because she KNOWS she's not going to do anything but we all know the stereo type of men with temptation on a plate. Maybe she was nervous you might

It may be unfair but it's humanity.

She knows I didn't do anything, I know she wouldn't do anything.
She doesn't like the idea of some other women rubbing herself up against me, I don't think i like the idea vice versa. For me the whole stripclub/lapdance thing isn't really much of a distinction as there would potentially be strippers rubbing up against you regardless of whether you got a private show or not

JackTaylorFan

scruff22 wrote: »

I'm annoyed because she feels like it's not ok for me to be in the company of naked men but it is for her

So you're annoyed because... Wait...

JackTaylorFan

People in committed monogamous relationships shouldn't go to stripclubs for the same reason they shouldn't have threesomes - it gets messy.

Taltos

Mod Note
OP we're closing this as after 3 pages its already circular advice, with you unable to accept that your OH could have changed her mind or might have tried to be OK with the idea of you going to a strip club but the reality of you not only going but getting a dance is a reality she is NOT OK to deal with.

Best of luck but clearly communication here with your OH and some understanding of her feelings and not just what she says is needed.

Brain Drain - repeat a post like the one I deleted in any flavour and you'll be facing a forum ban.