Do you think

LegacyUser

You ever meet someone that lived up to someone before?

I realized I posted about this before but I remember meeting someone before for dates and they were great. I think we could have really had something before I messed it up by logging on to online dating site and seeing him there. He turned that on me but we sorted that out and then for some reason took a day to reply to him. Stupidly I did this on purpose.

I always think of him, he was really kind, funny and we really got on. I have been doing online dating for years and he is genuinely the only guy I can say that about although we only had a few dates.

LegacyUser

doyouthink wrote: »

You ever meet someone that lived up to someone before?

I realized I posted about this before but I remember meeting someone before for dates and they were great. I think we could have really had something before I messed it up by logging on to online dating site and seeing him there. He turned that on me but we sorted that out and then for some reason took a day to reply to him. Stupidly I did this on purpose.

I always think of him, he was really kind, funny and we really got on. I have been doing online dating for years and he is genuinely the only guy I can say that about although we only had a few dates.

Anyone any advice?

LegacyUser

doyouthink wrote: »

You ever meet someone that lived up to someone before?

I realized I posted about this before but I remember meeting someone before for dates and they were great. I think we could have really had something before I messed it up by logging on to online dating site and seeing him there. He turned that on me but we sorted that out and then for some reason took a day to reply to him. Stupidly I did this on purpose.

I always think of him, he was really kind, funny and we really got on. I have been doing online dating for years and he is genuinely the only guy I can say that about although we only had a few dates.

Anyone

JackTaylorFan

doyouthink wrote: »

Anyone any advice?

I don't think people are sure what you are asking, to be honest. Your opening piece was a little confusing.

But okay... I'll take a shot.

If you are asking what I think you are - which is: Do you believe that people compare new potential partners to former ones? Then, the answer is most certainly yes.

Sounds like you are hung-up on somebody you clicked with but somehow blew it. For some people there will always be that one person - our "what if" person - who for whatever reason it didn't work out.

You need to stop comparing new people to this "what if" person though - everybody is unique. Going into a dating situation with the attitude of "Oh, but X would have done it this way" only keeps that unhealthy fixation in place.

Did you get closure with your "what if" person, OP?

LegacyUser

Thank you for your reply.

Yeah that was what I was asking alright.
Yeah; I got closure but still I do think of him.
It's because I have been doing online dating at least 4 years and have met a good few people.Been on many a date.
Hand on heart.I never was so excited to meet him and go on dates ,chat by text or in person.

I truly believed "when you know you know" phrase then.

ibarelycare

I remember you posting before. The answer to your question is yes, of course you can meet someone who will live up to/be better than someone you've met before. However the fact that you're still so fixated on someone you went on a few dates with quite a while ago is a bit worrying. If you're really struggling to get over someone who you didn't even know for that long, then I doubt anyone here can help you move on. Would you consider counselling?

Merkin

OP, can you kindly refrain from pushing for an answer in such a fashion? A rather ambiguous first post on your part followed by a flurry of posts with the word 'anyone?' to highlight your thread isn't in the spirit of the forum. As you have already posted on this issue at length we will be keeping a close eye on this.

BetsyEllen

To be honest OP I read your post yesterday and I didn't reply, because I remember your last thread.
You were given advice there and you obviously listened to none of it if you are needing to post again.

It's not healthy to be so obsessed with somebody you weren't even in a relationship with.
As hard as it is, you need to accept that it's over, you are not going to be with this guy and you need to move on for your own sanity.

Of course there are many other people out there on the world who you can feel something for again, there are over 7 billion humans on this planet...you just need to get out there again and meet new people and put this other guy out of your head for good.

redfox123

Vague and confusing post.. It seems you dated a guy, barely knew him, never were in a relationship or anything close to it and have developed an unhealthy fixation on him. You fancied him, you never knew him and are simply projecting a fantasy version that you concocted in your head and using that as a barometer to compare new actual real potential dates against. He also apparently manipulated you into being the bad guy when you simply logged onto your account and he was there and made out you were in the wrong for doing so? Ugh you dodged a real head wreck there. And he used your delayed text back as an excuse to end whatever it was? He wasn't into you at all.

LegacyUser

Thanks.
If someone was not into you, would they travel 3hours to see just for a date? I don't think so to be honest.
Yes, he did manipulate me into being bad guy though whereas I had seen him online and said nothing

BetsyEllen

doyouthink wrote: »

Thanks.
If someone was not into you, would they travel 3hours to see just for a date? I don't think so to be honest.
Yes, he did manipulate me into being bad guy though whereas I had seen him online and said nothing

But that doesn't matter - he was into you, but he's not anymore.

Big Bag of Chips

You need to forget that fella and what might have happened or should have happened. He's not interested in anything with you any more. Maybe he decided the 3 hours was too far to travel. Maybe after meeting you a few times he didn't feel the spark. Maybe he was dating a few others and he felt more of a spark with one of them.

Just because you thought there was something between you and it had potential doesn't mean he thought the same. You need to stop focussing on him. Obviously he wasn't perfect (for you) because if he had been, you'd be with him now. So you need to stop measuring other fellas up to this fella. If you continue that, then you run the risk of repeating history.

You're not going to click with everyone. You're not going to fancy everyone you meet. You're not going to want to pursue a relationship with everyone you meet. If that was the case you'd be falling in love every second day with work colleagues, neighbours, friends and so on. It's a numbers game as people say, and online dating has made the numbers bigger in that you are flicking through a catalogue and picking out things you might like. Years ago people only met face to face in some setting or other and knew fairly immediately whether they were interested or not. Someone on a dating site could have a list of people to 'work through'.

You will find someone, but you need to stop looking for someone like this other fella. It didn't work, so you need to look for something different.

redfox123

doyouthink wrote: »

Thanks.
If someone was not into you, would they travel 3hours to see just for a date? I don't think so to be honest.
Yes, he did manipulate me into being bad guy though whereas I had seen him online and said nothing

Sorry wasn't into you enough to bother keeping that up. Didn't want to have to use that phrase not that into you, which is cringeworthy. Like you have to prove yourself and please the man, and if you don't it has to be spelled out to you that he didn't want to be with you. But anyway sorry if that's not what you want to hear, it's just you did nothing wrong, he just wasn't bothered enough and there was nothing you could have done to make it otherwise, it's the way it is he wasn't for you..there is only one reality no alternate ones floating around that if you did this or that then you'd have things the way you want them..in other words it is the only way that things could be, is the way that they are. There is a video on YouTube 'why only the happily single find true love' by school of life..it might help.

Ursus Horribilis

doyouthink wrote: »

Thanks.
If someone was not into you, would they travel 3 hours to see just for a date? I don't think so to be honest.

If I met someone I liked but was 3 hours away, I'd give it a shot for a couple of dates just to test the water. But - and this is a big but - they'd want to be pretty damn special in order for me to continue seeing them. 3 hours away is what I consider to be a deal-breaker. 3 hours away means you're not going to be able to see the other person after work of an evening. 3 hours means spending half your weekend sitting in a car or on a bus. It's exhausting and it's costly. It makes no sense.

I don't know what it is you're looking for here. Your obsession with this guy is unhealthy and not doing you any good at all. If you hadn't allowed yourself to becoming consumed by this non-starter of a relationship, you might have met someone else by now. You're stopping yourself from meeting a guy who lives nearer because you're living in your head and turning this man into a god. I bet he's becoming more and more flawless by the day. That's not healthy at all.

You say you've been online dating for 4 years. Have you tried meeting guys through other means? One man who lives half way across the country surely can't be the only single man out there who's compatible with you?

LegacyUser

I have dated a good few guys since some a good a few dates.
All had their problems though.
I am on free websites so maybe this might be cause.

professore

It's easy to idolise someone you've only briefly been with. I've done it myself in the past. Often they are not half as wonderful as you think they are. You are in love with the idea of them in your head, not the actual person.

LegacyUser

Thanks all.
I met him at a time I was v happy with my appearance. Had lost weight and was going to classes.
I wasn't replying straight away cos genuinely I was busy most likely at a class. I wasn't consumed with him but loved getting a text from him every evening and chatting away.He was so funny.
We were even going to go for a wknd abroad and he bought me a gift after second date.


He defo liked me at beginning and tbh never again will I discuss dating problems with friends.I don't know if it is an Irish thing but people always see the negative.
If I had just discussed things with him things may have been different.


Anywho He prob was multi dating but told me otherwise. Of course he was when he was still on the site.Maybe I had just seen the good side but to be fair he shouldn't have got ratty with me cos I logged on.

Anyway I am over him and often see him on the site.
I date all sorts and to be fair made mistakes not giving some a chance and giving others a chance that I shouldn't have (when I fell for bs ) I know need to trust gut more and not give in.

Anywho on my way back to getting fitter again and once more confident again