Feeling really fed up with life -please help

LegacyUser

I'm a university graduate and due to the economic downturn and being ill (for three years) has meant that I haven't had long term employment since 2010. I've got months and weeks of work here and there but nothing long enough to make me feel satisfied.

I know I'm good at my job due to the feedback I get- from management, colleagues and other people. I regularly attend courses. I've had lots of interviews and I've been told I do well with them. I have even gone to interview skills training to try and brush up on my pitch.

My health issue really took away all of my confidence. I was never the most confident person but it certainly didn't help. I found it very difficult to keep going as I didn't think i'd ever get better.

Once I got better, I was able to put my heart and soul into applications and other things that I used to enjoy. I have found it extremely difficult to get jobs. I've heard of people getting back to back maternity leave covers when I can barely get a couple of months of work.

I take part in a few different things outside of work which I somewhat enjoy. I don't go out that much (apart from the occasional meetup group event). I am afraid of crowds and drink at the moment brings me down.

I have people making comments about me that I'm a lesbian. I don't have thoughts like that but time after time people seem to think I am. I will admit, I sometimes feel like I'm not very good at making conversation and I get nervous because I know I'm not very good at it. My eye contact is either too much or too little. I have social anxiety.

I really doubt myself and I'm even wondering are other people right? Am i actually a lesbian? I know I enjoy being in the company of guys. I also have "friends" and acquaintances that approach potential guys that I'm talking to on a night out (and interested in) and warn them off me because I'm supposedly "a lesbian".

I'm at an age where I really thought that I'd have a permanent job and a husband by now. Instead, I just feel like a failure. I didn't expect to get a job straight out of college. I did expect to have something by now. Not only that but I just can't see things changing. I've been for counselling and they reckon that I'm doing all the right things-applications wise, socially too.

Recently I was in a staff room and one person was saying that she was covering a maternity leave (which was never advertised) and the person on the other side of me was retraining from a different profession.

I'm sorry for the long rant. I just feel like as if i'm doing all the right things and I'm not getting to where I should be.

JackTaylorFan

Wow, there's a lot going on here. I am sorry to hear about your troubles, I can empathise to a large degree with a lot of it (employment issues)..

But the thing that really strikes me as odd is the "lesbian" thing. I mean, what on earth is happening that your friends (or whatever they are) are calling you a "lesbian" (the obligatory "not that there is anything wrong with that..." line here)? Seriously, that's really odd and, quite frankly, it sounds like bullying behaviour. The fact you now find yourself questioning your own sexuality based on the ignorant opinions and comments of others is even odder. Not to ve too trivial about this but have you ever actually been attracted to another woman in that way? 'cause in most case that's how you tell.

Saying that: if you are seriously doubting your sexuality I really think you should seek out therapy. Actually, based off your overall tone - some counselling would not be a bad idea either way.

I apologise if the tone of my reply seems in any way facetious - but the way you described your doubts about your sexuality and the reasona for that are very strange indeed.

I wish you well.

dennyire

I genuinely wish you well. I'm male early sixties and have been through hell last six years since my redundancy. Cost me my house,my marriage and nearly my life. I know what its like at your age....i felt the same but believe me....its all good for a long time....**** might happen in twenty or thirty years but for now remember......you have the power to change everything...go for it ...be confident...i know you can do it

Wompa1

Have you considered a move abroad for a job? Things are getting better in Ireland but still many positions require experience. It's easier to get entry level jobs in skilled work in other countries.

Ireland seems to offer either low level support jobs or middle of the road (4+ years of experience) skilled jobs.

Airyfairy12

Youre not alone, over half my graduated friends are unemployed or had to move abroad for work. If youve not been working for a number of years then you must be getting social welfare payments, you're eligible to do a CE scheme, its really not ideal by any means but it might just give you enough experience to help you get your foot in the door, otherwise can you retain in something else? id go and speak to a local guidance counselor and maybe ask in your intreo office if you can be given a caseworker, most long term unemployed people are assigned one anyway.

Your 'friends' sound like ass holes. Your sexuality has nothing to do with them and even if you are gay real friends would support you and keep their mouths shut until you felt comfortable to open up about it but judging by your post it doesnt sound like you are, if youre attracted to men youre probably straight or atleast bisexual but really when it comes down to it it doesnt matter, we're all human and theres nothing wrong with being attracted to both or neither sex and you shouldnt have to defend or explain your sexuality to anyone.
Your friends are bullying you, why else would they speak to men youre interested in or could potentially have relationships with and warn them off you by spreading rumours and lying about your sexuality. It sounds to me that they want to keep you low, lacking confidence and like having a little punching bag in the group so they can feel like theyre better and more important. They clearly dont care about you or your happiness.
You need to build a few boundaries, get a backbone and stop associating with those people entirely. You might also want to see a counsellor for your low confidence and low self esteem and learn how to build healthy relationships with other people.

LegacyUser

Thank you to all of you that have posted.

I have been to counselling on a number of occasions trying different people. It helped a bit but I think that fact that I don't have a full-time job makes me feel like I'm less of a person or that I have to excuse myself. I hate being asked if I'm working at the moment because I feel like such a failure. I volunteer which is somewhat enjoyable.

It's not just "friends" it's colleagues, acquaintances and random strangers too that reckon I'm a lesbian. Apparently they see it "in my eyes". I'm honestly so tired of meeting a nice guy, thinking this could be it and then either his friends or my friends warn him off me. They get an almighty shock when I do eventually kiss a guy and they are nearby. Then I hear "She's definitely not gay".

I don't know what they see that makes them think I'm gay. I suppose my body language isn't the best-confidence wise. I constantly compare myself to other people. I'd rather be much slimmer and more toned than I am. I dress very elegantly and I have been told that I am "beautiful".

I don't have any thoughts about being with another woman. In fact, when I force myself to think about it, I feel like puking. I don't understand the enjoyment that two women get by doing it together or any of the romantic stuff. :-S (sick) Each to their own though...

Or is that all just because I'm so far in denial?

Moving abroad isn't very appealing for many reasons. Then again, maybe it would be the best thing for me? I might grow to like somewhere else.

JackTaylorFan

headandshoulders wrote: »

I don't have any thoughts about being with another woman. In fact, when I force myself to think about it, I feel like puking. I don't understand the enjoyment that two women get by doing it together or any of the romantic stuff. :-S (sick) Each to their own though...

Or is that all just because I'm so far in denial?

I don't know if you are in denial - and neither does anyone else here - but you really could have expressed your thoughts on the matter without being so graphic.

I suggest you get more counseling on the issue as I can't see anyone here being able to help with your sexuality.

Best of luck.

Airyfairy12

OP your comments about homosexuality are very immature and are reminiscent of kids in primary school but going by what youve said about acquaintances being preoccupied with your sexuality and gossiping to each other that you might be a lesbian, like youre the town leper, it all sounds really strange and like allot of people around you share these small minded, backward views about homosexuality.
The only conclusion I come to is that youre living in a very small, remote area where everyone is in everyone else's business. Have they nothing else to do other than speculate about your private life?

If you are a lesbian, youd probably have a fair idea by this stage in your life. Not having the best body language doesnt make you a lesbian. You seem to have a very stereotypical view of what lesbians look like and how they behave.

Can you relocate somewhere else in the country? preferably a larger town or city where people arent so small minded and interfering, this might offer you more job prospects too.

Permabear

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