So worried about husband

LegacyUser

Hi all, long time poster on boards but going anon for this one.

Not looking for medical advice or anything of the sort but just feel like I need to get this off my chest! Also, if Im in the wrong section apologies, please feel free to move. Hope this is ok to post.

My husband has been battling depression for awhile now. He finally spoke to me about it about 7 months ago and told me how he was feeling, which was suicidal and hopeless. I was so shocked to hear it but so grateful that he opened up to me. Things slowly improved after he spoke to me as I think getting it off his chest was a big step in the right direction. Each week there were small improvements and I regularly asked how he was doing to which he honestly and openly answered each time. I suggested getting professional help and he said maybe but he was already feeling better having spoken to me.

Fast forward 7 months and after a few good months, he is back to being low and not himself. Some days are fine, others are not. He has reverted back to not talking to me about it, when I ask him how he is doing he gives me a general "yeah fine" answer and won't say anymore about it. He comes form a small family and as far as I know none of them know anything about what he is going through even though he is very close to his younger brother. What really worries me is (and please don't judge, I am only doing this out of concern and maybe its not the right thing to do) but, I have regularly checked is browsing history on his laptop and over the last few months he has googled suicide related issues 3 or 4 times. I just don't know what to do. He carries on as if nothing is wrong but his browsing history obviously tells me otherwise. He won't talk to me, gets annoyed if I try to get him to engage in a conversation about how he is feeling and the last time I suggested maybe talking to somebody professional I got a blank and definite no.

I just don't know what to do and am constantly worried, even when he is good form.But I cant tell him of my worry as I don't want him to think of himself as a burden which he certainly is not! I cant tell family or friends as if he found out I don't want him to think that I betrayed his trust. I am doing all I can but he is just shutting me out. And if I wasn't checking his browsing history I wouldn't even know that he is still thinking about it. Its a really tough situation to be in and to know what is the best thing to do.

As I say I'm not looking for medical advice but really just needed to let it all out! Thanks for listening

zoobizoo

It's a hard situation because his head isn't in a place where he will look for help.

Would you say "Hey Jim, I'm checking in to see if you are okay because when I was on the computer, there were searches for suicide on it."

You were right to check his browsing history.

There is only one way for him to get better and that starts with speaking to his GP, then him speaking to a professional therapist and or medication.

Wanderer78

Please get your husband to the professionals, his gp is the first port of call. Best of luck

Muir

It might be worth while going to talk to your own GP, they might be able to give you some advice on things you can do to help, and also what to do if you were concerned that your husband might harm himself. Also they can provide some support for yourself as it can be very difficult & you might find it a benefit to have someone to talk it through with. I hope your husband is willing to accept help soon and starts to feel better. It's important to remember to look after yourself too.

Big Bag of Chips

Contact Peita House or Aware. Now. If your husband won't get help for himself, you need to get support for you. It's difficult living with someone who suffers. If he won't talk to you, or professionals you need to find someone you can get support from.

triona1

Hi.
Ive went through this for years now with my husband he has suicidal ideation and has acted on it numerous times over the years he's been in psych units,Just to try help make you feel somewhat better my husband was asked to keep a journal and write about his feelings daily/hourly I'd no immediately if he was suicidal One day in particular he was very off and I read the last pages of the journal and I'm glad I did he wouldn't be here now,So I rang the unit immediately and told them well I was ate alive and told I'd invaded his privacy and damaged all the years of treatment he'd received from them,My husband thanked me and I know I done right,I'd to go to my GP for help for me I'd still be lost without my GP, I can only suggest the same as above or else contact his GP privately or ask your husband can you both go to his,if he had a psych team they would be some help they encourage spouses to help and also some would help you.
After that there is support groups but I've never had meetings with any suggested above so can't comment but my husband has and done well with them.
Best of luck op

Edited to add there's a thread in lti maybe a mod could post a link to one in particular a few of us posted in.
I'm on my phone so can't link sorry.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for all your replies. I feel strong myself but the longer it goes on the more of a strain it is becoming. I am so proud of the progress he made on his own but I don't think he can get any better without further help.

It's just so difficult to know if me trying to encourage him will do more harm than good. I'm afraid that there is a line that I might just cross one day without even knowing it that just sends him over the edge. If he doesn't answer his phone I think the worst, if he is on his own for a long time I think the worst but then I have to trust him somewhat also and let him live his life without me knowing or questioning his every move.

Again if I told him I was checking his browsing history I'd be afraid he would see that as me betraying his trust also.

It's good to hear that others have been through it also, it's an all too common problem that is not spoken about enough. Thanks again for listening

Cupcake_Crisis

Hi op, my best advice would be to make an appointment with your gp as soon as possible. Sit with your husband and tell him what you saw. Tell him it frightened you but that you are there for him every step of the way. Also, contact pieta house , lay out options for your husband.