How do I get my ex to have sex with me on a NSA basis?

Hi, my ex and I broke up and I still remain friends with him. It's been a while, but I miss the sex. I don't want to get back together, but I would love it if he would accept a mutual beneficial sexual thing, with no pressure.
I haven't asked or made any hints of it, as I don't know how he would react.
Sometimes I feel like all I need is some purely sexual release, and he seems like the perfect match.
Any ideas on how to approach this?

Jenneke87

The only option is to ask him outright really.

JackTaylorFan

As long as he's still single - just go for it.

kylith

Jesus christ, don't. It's a can of worms.

If all you need is sexual release go on Tinder, or a more 'adult' hookup site. Leave your ex alone FFS.

ted1

Send him a text "bootie call?"

XsApollo

Honestly , I don't think there are many men that would turn down that offer,
Tell him :-)

bucketybuck

Its an interesting one, I have ex's that ended things with me and that I would have no interest in getting back together with, but if they asked me to meet up for NSA sex I'd probably say sure, why not. I wouldn't ask them myself in case it led to drama but if they made the first move and made it clear it was just sex, then I don't see why not.

I also have ex's where I was the one who ended it, and while I did it for the right reasons that doesn't mean they weren't great in bed and that I don't miss the sex. If they came offering NSA sex I have to admit I'd be very tempted, although more wary of hidden motives in those cases.

And of course, there are the ex's that still hurt, and if they just wanted to use me for sex it wouldn't be good for me at all.

It depends how good a friend you still are. Are you still friends as in two people who say hello from time to time, or friends that meet up regularly and share secrets and gossip? If you are good friends then go for a drink and just talk to him, tell him whats on your mind. Have a good think about it first though, you would want to be damn sure he is over you before you start to play this game.

I wonder if the consensus would be different of the genders were reversed or would the man be vilified...

bucketybuck

Deleted User wrote: »

I wonder if the consensus would be different of the genders were reversed or would the man be vilified...

What consensus? Not every reply had the same opinion...

Regardless, lets find out, because I'm a man and I've frequently wondered if an ex would fancy a quick shag.

I've never actually asked one, but then neither has the OP.

JackTaylorFan

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I wonder if the consensus would be different of the genders were reversed or would the man be vilified...

Lol.. Is this like some long running gag in PI threads?

boardsuser1

Had this offer recently and I turned it down. I'm a man.

beertons

Ring him and ask. You've nothing to lose.

Wesser

You can't GET anyone else to do anything ..... especially sexual. The language is slightly concerning there.

From a slightly different stand point, for your own wellbeing, you should avoid doing this as it will delay your ability to get over him , there will be a blurring of the lines into the emotional and then you feel hurt if he is with some one else.

GingerLily

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I wonder if the consensus would be different of the genders were reversed or would the man be vilified...

Lol.. Is this like some long running gag in PI threads?

Yes!

tara73

I would also recommend not to do it. I can see your point if the sex was good to ask him and not wanting to go on tinder or somewhere to find a partner you don't know at all and how he is in bed.

but you have to ask yourself: was the sex not that good because you liked (loved) each other? if you start having sex with him without the relationship, are you sure this will work? My guess is there are still, either from his part or also from your part, underlying feelings for each other which will cause problems when starting sleeping together.

and who broke up or was it mutual? still, there must have been reasons why you broke up with each other and this reasons are unfulfilled expectations or annoying habits, so I don't think there's really neutral ground.

but everybody is different, it might work with you two, so if you really want it, there's no other way than asking him and finding out if it works. if not, you can stop again.

Koptain Liverpool

XsApollo wrote: »

Honestly , I don't think there are many men that would turn down that offer,
Tell him :-)

Really? I know that I always wanted a clean break from my exes.

Every relationship is unique. All you can do is ask him.

rcarroll

It's a tricky one...if you've worked hard to become friends and he really believes ye are just friends now, it could be seen as ****ting all over the friendship, as in you don't really care how he feels or that this could hurt him or bring up old wounds, all for the sake of getting a ride in. It could also lead to complications down the line as either of you might start developing feelings again...I don't know, to me, it seems a bit like you're using him and don't value what you have now enough...in my experience, it generalyl doesn't end well anyhow which means you'll lose him. Though...that said, it could rekindle a relationship or lead to something great..it kind of all depends on what the break up/relationship was like and how long ago it was. I got broken up with just before Christmas and I know he would have liked to continue with just sex, but for me, who felt more and had expected it would turn into a relationship and was hurt when it didn't...I couldn't be ok with it, I know deep down I'd have hoped it would lead to more...

XsApollo

XsApollo wrote: »

Honestly , I don't think there are many men that would turn down that offer,
Tell him :-)

We don't know the nature of their breakup. Plenty of men would turn down that offer. I have.

OP - you can't make him do anything. If he wants to, he'll do it. Ask him.

professore

XsApollo wrote: »

Honestly , I don't think there are many men that would turn down that offer,
Tell him :-)

You would be surprised ... Especially in the case of the crazy exes. Also I would suspect hidden motives.

Sound Bite

Depends on the seriousness if what your relationship was and why/how you broke up.

If it wasn't anything too serious, go for it but if you know your ex was hurt by the break up.

Seperately, it seems on this forum that we give the opposite sex far too little credit at times. There's no such thing as "all men" and "all women" when it comes to behaviour.

A friend of mine has a strictly no sleeping with exs rule as he has a theory that a lot of 'accidential' pregnancies happen this way!

dee_mc

Just out of interest, who do you want a 'no strings' thing at this time?
If there's even a shadow of not being over the ex enough to start a real relationship with someone new, I'd avoid the no strings side of things like the plague.

Dr Crayfish

This is pathetic behaviour on your part, seriously. If any ex proposed this carry on to me I'd tell them to f*ck right off. You split up for a reason, you're probably the last person he wants to be f*cking.

leggo

I don't think I have any exes that I'd want to sleep with again, even NSA. Been there, done that, and when you're truly over someone even the thought of them (in that way) kinda repulses you I think.

Having said that, I'd love the offer! It's an ego boost for him, if nothing else, so if you're cool getting potentially turned down then go for it. But be honest and up front about what you're asking, tell him you're not looking to rekindle things and don't just feed him hope (in case he wants to get back together).

Also, expect it to get messy fast. NSA arrangements pretty much always end with one party getting hurt, much less with someone you have history with!

But if all that is worth the ride...go for it, I guess!

ziggyman17

making love with your partner is all part of being in a relationship with somebody.. If you are feeling horny then masturbate.......

racso1975

ziggyman17 wrote: »

making love with your partner is all part of being in a relationship with somebody.. If you are feeling horny then masturbate.......

Op never mentioned making love!!! They said they wanted sex. Masturbation won't scratch that itch 😉

Ursus Horribilis

I notice the OP also started a now-closed thread asking about STDs. So perhaps (s)he thinks that the ex is a better bet for the old horizontal mambo than a random stranger. That, of course, is assuming that the ex hasn't picked up something in the meantime...