How to talk to him!

mustangsallyx

So, I’m with my current BF 1 and ½ years today. We met online, a first blind date for both of us, (both mid 30’s) hit it off amazingly and have been together since. I have a child from a previous relationship, I waited about 5 months before introducing them but it all went well and my child has taken really well to him.
Since the very start he’s always made me feel really special, introduced me to his friends right away, always so affectionate & full of compliments and we’d text all day everyday. He never hesitated to tell me how he felt or ask me how I felt and told me he loved me about 8 months in, we’ve been on holidays together etc.
Now, as the time has gone on we seemed to have settled into a system where we meet twice a week, (we live an hours drive apart and both work full time). But I’m finding that somewhere along the way, the level of sweet texts and telling me how he feels has dropped to almost non-existant. He never compliments me anymore if we are dressing up to go out when he would always have before.
When we are together we don’t actually talk all that much about anything other than work or general chit chat. I tried to broach it with him once or twice but he’s always said everything is fine and sort of stone walls me. but I have a gut feeling it’s not. I realise the lovey dovey stuff can drop off all relationships after a while but this is different. I feel he is losing interest and I can’t connect with him
I’m not the most vocal person about feelings but I’m finding that things have really changed and I want to know how to fix it! I guess before this I found it easier to open up to him as he was so affectionate but that has kind of dropped off.
Another thing that’s niggling me is that I’ve only met his family once. He invited me to a family function once, about 8 months into our relationship but he has never brought me home to meet them, and I’ve never met them since. He goes to his parents every weekend for dinner and has never suggested me going with him. I just think that after a year and a half that’s not a good sign?
We’re talking about going on holidays this year again but I guess I just want advice on how to talk to him about all of this without coming across as desperate – I’d like a relationship that I know will progress at some stage – I’d like to know if he still feels the same about us & if he sees us going anywhere in the future.
The worst thing for me would be to find out he’s not invested in this relationship and is just plodding along for the sake of it cos he doesn’t want to hurt me or my child by ending it.
Sorry for the long post but please help! I am so worried and I’m so so so bad at talking about my feelings so any suggestions on how I would go about saying something would help!
Thanks in advance

road_high

Had similar in my last relationship to tell you the truth, soon before it was broken off...cold shoulder, less/lack of texts, no interest in what I was doing. I couldn't see it at the time but it was a sure sign we were heading for a break up- if it were me again I'd be frank and lay my cards on the table- be I'd be prepared to walk unless there are very valid reasons for his behavior. I know it's horrible OP after investing in and liking someone

Big Bag of Chips

mustangsallyx wrote: »

The worst thing for me would be to find out he’s not invested in this relationship and is just plodding along for the sake of it cos he doesn’t want to hurt me or my child by ending it.

I think if this is what you are worrying about then this is exactly what you have to say to him. Your gut is telling you something has changed. Maybe it has. Maybe that change is just the relationship settling down and becoming more "everyday" or maybe he is losing interest. The only way you will know is by outright asking him.

You say you're not great at talking about your feelings, well if there's something you specifically want discussed, you're going to have to get good at talking about them!! It doesn't have to be a disaster. An honest and open chat is all it needs to be. And once you've done it once, it'll be easier the second time.

zoobizoo

If you're in your mid 30s and you've been dating for a year and a half and he goes to his family home every Sunday for dinner - then you should at some stage been invited either by him or his parents AND you should feel comfortable enough to invite yourself.... "I'm coming too".


"When we are together we don’t actually talk all that much about anything other than work or general chit chat. I tried to broach it with him once or twice but he’s always said everything is fine and sort of stone walls me"

If there's no proper communication, there's very little relationship.

Maybe he's waiting for you to end it.

matheodi

For me, the best way to maintain the relationship is to vary things, to do new things together, to be open, understanding, going to do things together that you have never done according to your taste: travel, Restaurants, sex .. Try to talk to each other and see each other without too much choking. If that does not work, I think it's very bad sign ..

matheodi

I hope that it will be arranged between you. :)