Creepy work colleague.

yuperdat

First time poster here so I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place.

So, I work in a supermarket and one of my female colleagues, let's pretend her name is Mary, creeps the sh*te out of me. I'm male, in my twenties and Mary is about double my age.

I'm mostly packing shelves on the shop floor and Mary's job is to sweep the floor. One day I had a trolley of stock on the floor and was packing it away and Mary comes on with her brush. I was standing in front of a shelf packing it and Mary proceeds to walk in between me and the shelf and she rubbed her arm/shoulder off my chest as she walked by. I had barely any room to step back because of the trolley behind me. I thought nothing of it at first but this sort of thing has happened 4 times in total in the past couple of months so I'm a bit creeped out by it.

She also told me on another occasion that I " look good in uniform" and that she "loves a man in uniform". Also on several occasions Ive caught her staring at me.

Honestly I am really creeped out by her. So much so that I try to avoid her at all costs. I'll walk down a different aisle in the shop just to avoid her.

Am I over reacting or should I tell a manager. I've thought about telling a manager but I think they wouldn't take it seriously. Any advice appreciated. Apologies for the long post.

topmanamillion

Clearly sexual harassment.
Maybe try telling her to lay off with the groping.
If that doesn't work/or you don't feel comfortable doing it, absolutely escalate it up to management. But go to senior management i.e the store manager. I have a friend working in a supermarket chain and most of the assistant managers/managers are kids who really wouldnt have a clue what to do with this.

Xterminator

i dont think its 'clearly' sexual harassment.

in fact i think the other person involved could deny everything and then it would come down to he said she said scenario.

1st. start a journal of every instance of what happens and who was present.

and i suggest you have a chat with creepy colleague who might have taken a shine to you. a friendly chat. explain you are a little uncomfortable and ask her to observe your personal space. keep it as light touch as possible. hopefully that will be the end of it.

if behaviour continues then speak with your supervisor or hr dept.

A_Sober_Paddy

Xterminator wrote: »

i dont think its 'clearly' sexual harassment.

in fact i think the other person involved could deny everything and then it would come down to he said she said scenario.

1st. start a journal of every instance of what happens and who was present.

and i suggest you have a chat with creepy colleague who might have taken a shine to you. a friendly chat. explain you are a little uncomfortable and ask her to observe your personal space. keep it as light touch as possible. hopefully that will be the end of it.

if behaviour continues then speak with your supervisor or hr dept.

If the genders were reversed would it still the same reply I do wonder

nkav86

A_Sober_Paddy wrote:

If the genders were reversed would it still the same reply I do wonder

As a woman, for me, yes my answer would have been the same. As they said its a set of circumstances that can be easily denied and brushed off. Tricky situation, not one to be ignored but needs a delicate touch to catch

nhunter100

yuperdat wrote:

Am I over reacting or should I tell a manager. I've thought about telling a manager but I think they wouldn't take it seriously. Any advice appreciated. Apologies for the long post.

I'd be very surprised if the store had not got CCTV on every aisle. In the first instance I would ask 'Mary' in a polite way to stop . Tell her behaviour makes you uncomfortable. If that doesn't get through to her make a formal compliant. I've been there when I was younger, not fun and I'm male.

Airyfairy12

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

If the genders were reversed would it still the same reply I do wonder

Yes it would still get the same reply, as a woman ive dealt with this and much worse from male co workers, most of my female friends have dealt with similar situations too.

OP if you go in all guns blazing accusing the co worker of sexual harassment it will come back on you as she can deny it happened or down play her intentions. Some people are just a bit creepy but can easily be discouraged by setting a few boundaries. Next time it happens tell her not to do it again, keep a diary and document every instance with time and date, if it continues after you've spoken to her then take it further.

Odelay

I'd be inclined to mention it to a manager and say that you are going to tell Mary her conduct makes you feel uncomfortable, this is usually the first step in the employee handbook.

The reason for talking to the manager first is Mary might make something up and report you if you offend her....

freshpopcorn

Odelay wrote: »

The reason for talking to the manager first is Mary might make something up and report you if you offend her....

This would be my main concern here to be honest!

porsche boy

Mary fancies you, simple as that. Sexual harassment and all that is way over the top. Just talk about a girlfriend or boyfriend when she's around and if she doesn't get the hint from that then have an unofficial word with your manager and ask them to have a word, off the record. No need to be getting official at this stage.

NIMAN

porsche boy wrote: »

Mary fancies you, simple as that. Sexual harassment and all that is way over the top. Just talk about a girlfriend or boyfriend when she's around and if she doesn't get the hint from that then have an unofficial word with your manager and ask them to have a word, off the record. No need to be getting official at this stage.

Voice of reason at last. Why does everything now have to be a big deal and so official?

I just think this woman fancies you. You remember that, when members of the opposite sex fancied each other and flirted? I think thats all thats happening here. Maybe she's too shy to ask you out?

People get offended and shocked too easily these days. Too much talk of personal space and rights (imho).

silverharp

NIMAN wrote: »

Voice of reason at last. Why does everything now have to be a big deal and so official?

I just think this woman fancies you. You remember that, when members of the opposite sex fancied each other and flirted? I think thats all thats happening here. Maybe she's too shy to ask you out?

People get offended and shocked too easily these days. Too much talk of personal space and rights (imho).

double his age though? that's kind of "creepy" , the guy shouldn't have to duck and dive around the isles.

kaymin

silverharp wrote: »

double his age though? that's kind of "creepy" , the guy shouldn't have to duck and dive around the isles.

No, but he should just set her straight - maybe say something half jokingly like - Sorry Mary, not going to happen in this lifetime!

Heartless but a lot better than raising it as a HR issue off the bat

NIMAN

silverharp wrote: »

double his age though? that's kind of "creepy" , the guy shouldn't have to duck and dive around the isles.

Hows its creepy to have an older woman fancy him?
Its not like its illegal.

If the OP is 20 and she's 40, I wouldn't find it that strange at all.

I would agree that if he's not interested, stop being a member of the snowflake generation and running to HR, and just tell her that you aren't interested.

B.A._Baracus

Too much talk of sexual harassment and reporting in this thread. Seriously, are we now a bunch that go behind people's backs rather than just sort the issue out directly?

Op next time she brushes off you just say "do you mind giving me some space there, mary?" - even say it in a rude tone. It don't matter and who cares if she gets in a huff. You have to put people in their place in regards to how they interact with you.

Big Bag of Chips

If she was about your age and doing the same thing, and you weren't attracted to her how would you react? You'd probably not entertain her at all. You'd probably even be slightly rude. You'd avoid her and not make small talk, ever.

Just do that. In life we're always going to get attention from people we'd rather not. If you learn how to deal with it now it'll be a good lesson for you. Of course, if the attention continues or escalates then it will leave you with little choice but to follow it up. But for now just don't give her any attention at all. If you're standing somewhere and see her coming, move! Either out of the way, or to a different aisle for a minute. If she follows you and tries to engage in conversation don't even answer her, or short one word answers that don't invite conversation.

Edit: I read somewhere recently that this generation of young adults have been brought up with their parents stepping in at every problem to sort it out, or make it someone else's fault. It said that we have bred a generation of young adults who are not equipped to deal with real life once they leave school/college/home and branch out on their own. You can sort this out, OP, without it turning into a big issue. It might feel awkward for you, but it's what adults need to do.

NIMAN

Exactly.

Rubberchikken

i think mentioning it to the manager is important.
as another poster said, if it escalates, mary could turn this into a lot worse and say anything and what is worrying, may even be believed over the op.

at least mentioning it means that someone has heard your side of the story first.

having said that, if she is treating you in a way that is making you feel uncomfortable then your company has an obligation to deal with it. employees can expect to work in a safe environment and that is or should be in your rules of employment.

it doesn't matter that this is a woman doing this to a young man. if the tables were turned, people would be very vocal about how a 40's guy should be behaving towards a young woman.

good luck

Make it clear you're not interested. If she continues to do it, then it is sexual harassment.

If you are interested, then go for it.

A_Sober_Paddy

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

If the genders were reversed would it still the same reply I do wonder

If the genders were reversed then the OP would get a lot of flack for calling a man creepy. I've seen it here before. They'd point out that he might have just been trying to get by her and not jump to conclusions.

Anyway OP, I think she's way too familiar, if not actually harassing you, and the touching might be because she either likes you or has a kid your age and hasn't applied adult boundaries to you because she sees you as a kid and isn't aware she's making you uncomfortable. I'd be surprised if that was it, but it's possible. Either way, it's completely inappropriate.

Keep a diary, but the most effective and immediate way of dealing with it is to tell her to back off if she gets up in your space. If she continues to touch you unnecessarily, get management involved. It's not on.

chicorytip

yuperdat wrote:

Am I over reacting or should I tell a manager. I've thought about telling a manager but I think they wouldn't take it seriously. Any advice appreciated. Apologies for the long post.

Yes, you are overreacting. You are also hyper-sensitive. There is nothing about your colleagues behaviour that could be categorized as overt or blatant harassment. You should stop trying to avoid her and make an effort to be somewhat friendly by engaging in conversation. What you perceive to be this woman's sexual interest in you may be something entirely different and completely innocent and non-threatening.

LongTimeAway

Have you actually told her to stop?  Or made it clear you don't fancy her?