How to initiate conversation around what I expect from him/us?

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a guy since beginning of February. We have had 4 dates in that time. At the beginning things were going really well, he was in contact every second day or so and we arranged our first 4 dates pretty easily. We have lots to talk about, I'm attracted to him and he is the first guy in 18 months that I've had any interest in. I'm aware of the fact that I've been out of dating for almost two years so am just unsure about a couple of things.

About two weeks ago for some reason I felt the dynamic between us had changed and my gut was telling me we were done. He had been in less contact so I just texted him and said I had the feeling it was done between us which was fine but if it was I didn't see the point in dragging it out if that's how he felt. He got a bit annoyed with me and asked what made me think that, he hadn't been in contact because of his job being at a busy time where he worked 11/12 hour days for 12 days straight and he wasn't in great form. He also asked why he always had to text first. My reply to that was that him not texting because he was busy in work was understandable and I was sorry for jumping the gun. I was aware he texts first most of the time but I didn't like texting him when I knew he was busy so if he wanted he could text when work died down. A few days passed and he texted and we had a few messages over the course of the day. Last week he was gone on a trip for three days and with St Patrick's weekend and all I wasn't really expecting to see him as he probably had plans.

I texted him last Monday to say enjoy his trip. Being conscious of the fact that he had been doing most of the texting I texted him Friday and mentioned meeting up yesterday if he was free. He said he would let me know Saturday as he was stretched on the couch and wasn't able to make any decisions but if we didn't meet yesterday we could meet during the week. I said that was no problem. He texted Saturday saying he didn't think yesterday would happen and he would text me yesterday to arrange something for some evening this week. I heard nothing from him yesterday.It's been 3 weeks since we've seen each other so I think if we don't meet this week I'll have to walk away. There's just a few things I am unsure of here as I've been out of dating for so long I'm not sure what's considered normal or where we should be at this stage.
Firstly if we even meet this week I feel I have to ask him/get an idea of where he is about this whole thing. I'm not a demanding girl but if I am seeing someone I would think that it's pretty reasonable to want to see them more often than every 3 weeks. I get that things come up like what has happened with his job and his trip away but I don't know how you would get to know someone if you see them every three weeks. How do I mention this to him or is this something that I am expecting too much on?
I also feel that since the night I thought we were done that I have made most of the effort with asking to meet up this weekend. I feel I need to say to him that the effort should be 50 50 and as there is a bit of a distance between us - a 1 hour drive, would he be willing to alternate coming down to where I live with coming to where he lives.
I just feel there is no point in this continuing if we are on completely different wavelengths about seeing each other and how interested he is. I'm just beginning to question things as at the start he had no problem texting me to arrange a date while he was on a night out and now he won't make a decision two days in advance because he is wrecked on the couch. Maybe I am expecting too much after four dates but I think I'm at the stage now where we either make time to see each other and have equal contact or I walk away. We get on really well and have lots in common, I'd probably have walked away already if I didn't feel there was something between us. Maybe I'm being too demanding but since I've been out of dating for so long I don't know what's normal and what's keeping somebody at arms length because you're not too bothered.

Dixie Chick

I think you can usually trust your gut and actual facts in these situations to be honest. The fact being that he has not asked to see you, or not made concrete plans in three weeks tells a lot.

osarusan

He doesn't sound all that interested. I don't think the relationship will go anywhere.

Honestly, you sending him a text saying that you thought it was 'done between us, and that was fine' probably didn't help much either.

leggo

Nah, this one looks like it's in the can. I get how that can be frustrating when you've been out of the game and you meet someone you like, but they have to feel it on their side too, and it looks like this guy likes having you there as an option (hence him arguing) but nothing really more. The 'where are we going?' conversation usually occurs naturally, and when you feel like you're struggling to get to that stage then it's usually telling.

fifigogo

Don't say anything more. Let him contact you. If he genuinely wants to see you, he will get in touch.

Tokyo

Mod:

Hi OP,

you have already posted multiple threads on this issue in the Personal Issues forum, and have received two pages of advice about your situation from posters here. On your last thread I asked you to keep your issue within the confines of your original thread, and I'm asking you the same again here.

Please don't post another thread on this same issue again, instead consider the advice offered in your original thread, as it is unfair to expect posters here to tell you the same thing over again, across multiple threads. In addition, posting anonymously to circumvent my request will be considered as abuse of the anon posting feature, and may result in access to the Personal Issues forum being revoked. As of now, this thread is closed.

Regards,
~Mike