How to connect with new OH on a deeper level?

LegacyUser

Hello Boardsies, going anon for this post.

So I've been dating a new guy since Nov 2016. We met online, met up fairly soon after messaging and hit it off from the beginning. We have a lot in common, same sense of humour and have an unbelievable spark. We have both been single for a while so were a bit rusty in the dating department. We have met each others parents, siblings, family and close friends gradually over the last few months. We haven't had any kind of disagreement and genuinely get on so well. We have what I believe are the foundations for a long and healthy relationship.

In light of all of the above, there are still times when I cannot read him. I work in a highly stressful front line job with people, and he is a full time mature student in a tech field. We both live at home at the moment. We are different in that I would be quite a good judge of character and assertive in terms of communication whereas he is a bit laid back and not very vocal. We both have a lot on at the moment (deadlines, and a job change for me) so spend usually one night together a week. The truth is, I would love to see him a lot more and miss him during the week. He is focused on end of term so we can see each other more often however I'm wondering if there is another reason why I feel I am unable to read him as well as I should by this stage. What I mean by that is, in terms of his reactions to things/ know what makes him tick etc/ his deeper emotional feelings about things. We are both very sarcastic and generally take the piss a lot. I don't want to make an issue out of nothing, but would like advice from people who are in long term relationships. A few nights ago, during dinner he asked me to a friend's wedding which is not until 2018. I have generally been judging him based on his behaviour until now, as he's been consistent with texting regularly / frequent dates etc. So, am I missing something, or am I making a big deal out of nothing? It's been 3 years since my last relationship, and 4 since his!

HalloweenJack

Inviting you to a wedding that far ahead sounds good. He clearly sees this as a long-term thing.

How much longer does he have left on the course? If he is in his final year, he probably has a lot on his plate and doesn't wany to mess up.

While the relationship sounds good, its only been four months and, considering both your situations, its tough to fit time in.

GingerLily

I honestly don't understand your issue, specifically about the wedding? Can you clarify please?

baby and crumble

OP, my immediate feeling is you're only together 5 months, and haven't been able to spend oodles of time together in that period. You can't force intimacy, but inviting you to a wedding a year away, and consistently staying in touch as much as his studies allow are all signs he sees this as a serious thing. That alone is worth more than knowing everything about him in 5 months. I'm with my partner 13 years and tbh she still surprises me in her opinions and reactions sometimes- which is a good thing! Just relax and let things develop naturally.

Riskymove

GingerLily wrote: »

I honestly don't understand your issue, specifically about the wedding? Can you clarify please?

I think she is concerned that they are only getting to see each other for one night a week but at the same time he clearly has some long term plans if he sees her accompanying him to a wedding next year

However, she is concerned that he might be happy with just one night a week long term - she'd like to see more time spent together

fifigogo

What do you mean you are unable to read him? What are you trying to understand exactly? If you want to get to know him on a deeper level, that will take time. Sounds like it is going very well for you both but just moving very slowly. That's actually a good thing I think.

Cupcake_Crisis

So you've been together for 5 months, spend 1 day a week with each other so that's roughly 20 days in each others company. I think you're asking too much from that amount of time.

Enjoy it and the rest will fall into place over time. Don't over think it.

LegacyUser

Hi, ask him how he feels, a conversation to make sure you are on the same page is the only way to be sure that you are. Saves a lot of effort second guessing motives and reading into comments. Did this in 1996 and happy out since. I am assuming he still wants to be with me until I hear otherwise!!! Back to a serious note, saves a lot of heartache and wasted time if you talk about it. Good luck.