I think my crush cross dresses

Maxinne G

Hi, I am new here, so first thread. I think someone I really like cross dresses. We have had reason to see one another a lot over the past year and I got that his eyes shine when he looks at me and I feel it. His touch is very pronounced and stays for me (nothing inappropriate or intimate). I thought he might be gay, as he has particular expressions, he works in the creative arts. I thought no he's not gay those gestures are just professional affectations. I still couldn't figure it out, it felt like I was getting mixed messages, so therefore probably giving them too. I am quite perceptive and I felt I was missing something, then one day there was an advertisement on TV for Perry Graysons TV show...and the penny dropped. This has not has been confirmed to me, but it feels right. I'm not sure what I can do, certainly I would never invade his privacy. I am a straight female.

Teyla Emmagan

Yeah, I think you've made a bit of a leap here. What on earth makes you think he likes wearing women's clothes? Based on what seems to be no evidence whatsoever?! I think your great perception may be be verging into wildly over imaginative.

Penny Tration

You're waaaaaaay over thinking.

First there's a "look" in his eyes, which could be his eyes glazing over in boredom when you speak, for all you know (not saying that's what's happening, but you don't know and neither do we!).


Then he's touching you in a lingering way.


Then he's gay.

Then he's a cross dresser?




It all sounds rather bonkers. I think you should honestly stop trying to psycho analyse him and his every move, and just relax.

Maxinne G

Hey Teyla...Yes, I can see how it seems wildly speculative. There is a bit more to it all than original post. I will own up to 'imaginative', 'wildly over'..no. Interactions with the 'man in question' and his family, different things said, difficult to convey here in words lead me to believe he cross dresses. I have no problem with that, just don't know how to invite the subject with him. I am perceptive, but you may be right, it is a bit of a leap.

Maxinne G

Penny, there may be something in your opening and second half of closing lines. Middle ones, not too sure. Its not boredom when he notices me entering a room with lots of people in it, identifies me and comes over to me. Or when we are having coffee in a particular area and someone comes in, then he suggests we go to the meeting room where we have our coffee and talk for 2 hours. (on more than one occasion) I don't think that's boredom. Eyes shining are different to glazed boredom. His touch is pronounced, not lingering (creepy). I didn't say he is either gay or a cross dresser, I said 'I think so' I could be wrong. Your comment of over thinking is accurate and you are correct that I am probably psycho-analysing him and that I should relax. I like him, relax and nervous don't always go together. I love the word 'bonkers'...maybe I am.

mrsdewinter

You characterise him as a crush - one of the great things about crushes is you don't have to confront the issues of a real relationship. You also outline a dynamic that sounds like a really warm & supportive work friendship. That's another scenario in which somebody's personal preferences don't really come into play. So what if he cross-dresses? Unless you're in a relationship with him, it's literally none of your business. Just continue to be his friend & stop trying to analyse him.

baby and crumble

The only question you need to ask yourself is if you were to get into a relationship with him, if he does cross dress (which others have pointed out is none of your concern right now, and I would argue even in a relationship it isn't) is it going to be a problem?

Most men who cross dress (which is VERY different from "gender dysphoria" or being trans) identify as straight. So it doesn't remotely effect is sexuality.

And as for "how to invite the subject with him"; don't. It's none of your business, and if you are incorrect, and he takes offence at the insinuation (some people would for whatever reason) then you've shot yourself in the foot for no good reason whatsoever.

kylith

The only way you could possibly bring it up would be to not bring it up. If it came up in conversation you could say something about how you respect Panti or Eddie Izzard (assuming that you don't have a problem with it); that could (assuming that he does have a thing for you) reassure him that if he is a cross dresser (which is a big 'if') you wouldn't have a problem with it.

baby and crumble

kylith wrote: »

The only way you could possibly bring it up would be to not bring it up. If it came up in conversation you could say something about how you respect Panti or Eddie Izzard (assuming that you don't have a problem with it); that could (assuming that he does have a thing for you) reassure him that if he is a cross dresser (which is a big 'if') you wouldn't have a problem with it.

Funny, I'd never class Panti as someone who cross-dresses- now, I can't speak for Rory, but Panti is a character, it's drag. I always thought that was distinct from cross-dressing. I mean I've done performance as a drag king recently and I'd see it as different to cross-dressing as a guy (however, I am new and there is far less stigma, in general, with a woman wearing male clothing, since I dress in male clothing all the time in my "Normal" life, and I don't even remotely consider that cross dressing).

twill

You're reading far too much into things that aren't really your business. If you want to get to know him, focus on that, but leave his personal life out of it unless and until it becomes an issue that affects you.

Big Bag of Chips

Maxinne G wrote: »

I have no problem with that, just don't know how to invite the subject with him.

Why would you 'invite the subject with him'? Why do you think it is something that needs to be brought up? You seem to just be a work colleague at the moment. If anything is to be brought up, surely it would be up to him? He seems to like you and like your company. You have a crush on him. He may just like you as a friend and be really comfortable in your company but not be interested in anything romantic with you. Other than 'lingering touches' is he showing any signs of wanting to date you? After a year of bring close to him I'd expect something to be moving along by now! Sitting in a meeting room for 2 hours isn't exactly dinner and drinks on a Saturday night!

Do you like him? Would you like to see him in a more formally romantic setting?! Would you like to go out with him (whether he crosses dresses or not!) If so, why not suggest it. If you wouldn't be interested maybe you need to take a step back and not spend quite so much time with him trying to figure it all out.

Maxinne G

Yes, of course it would be up to him to introduce any personal information. I feel he has referred to personal areas in the past and I haven't picked up due to stumbling over my own past histories, etc, etc. I have no problem with cross dressing and understand it is not an indicator of sexuality. Perhaps there is no romantic future and a warm friendship is what we have. I'm old enough to appreciate that. He made a remark one day to indicate his personal hurt in a particular area of a former relationship and I could have expanded it but didn't. I didn't want to intrude, but it wouldn't have been, I think I was being invited in. I was married to an emotional machete myself in the past and have just about steadied up. I am happy about that. I like this man and would like to allow, rather than bungle it up with him. I can appear aloof if I don't respond, I am not aloof, I just don't know what to do sometimes. Then a couple of hours later, I think oh I could have done/said that.

kylith

baby and crumble wrote: »

Funny, I'd never class Panti as someone who cross-dresses- now, I can't speak for Rory, but Panti is a character, it's drag. I always thought that was distinct from cross-dressing. I mean I've done performance as a drag king recently and I'd see it as different to cross-dressing as a guy (however, I am new and there is far less stigma, in general, with a woman wearing male clothing, since I dress in male clothing all the time in my "Normal" life, and I don't even remotely consider that cross dressing).

I get what you're saying, but I was coming at it from the angle of the OP saying 'these are men who wear women's clothing, and I'm ok with that', rather than getting into the ins and outs of what is drag and what is transvestitism.

woodchuck

Maxinne G wrote: »

then one day there was an advertisement on TV for Perry Graysons TV show...and the penny dropped. This has not has been confirmed to me, but it feels right.

In what way did the penny drop? What have you noticed that would make you think that he is a cross dresser?

You said it wouldn't bother you anyway though, so I'm not sure what the issue is...

GingerLily

I guess the short answer is - it's none of your business, just because you fancy him it doesn't mean you have any right to know about his personal private life, he'll tell you if he wants to!

JackTaylorFan

OP, from what you have said, you literally have no basis for assuming the guy cross dresses. The things you point to, are as likely to suggest he is jnto adult diapers as he is dressing up in your knickers.