People trying to break us up

LegacyUser

Hi, long time lurker of this forum and would love advice on an ongoing issue as I have seen some great advice been given here before.

About a year ago I joined a voluntary organisation to get out of the house and meet new people, as well as learn new skills as it is an area I am very interested in and have received a lot of training through the organisation which I am delighted with.
Another positive to joining the organisation and one I wasn't expecting was that I met my current boyfriend through the training. Things are going good between us, we've had our moments but nothing we couldn't talk out and resolve.

Where the issue lies is that there are certain members of this organisation who seem hellbent on breaking us up. This has been the story since day one and I'm so sick of it.
There has been nothing but sly digs and comments made about me to my boyfriend, saying we don't belong together, I chat up other men, I love when men chat me up apparently (Part of the volunteering involves working with other teams from around Ireland so you get chatting to a lot of different people, also, I would never, it's not in my nature plus I'm mad about him and have zero interest in anyone else!) Other people act like your friend and ask questions like "how's things between you guys?" " Any problems you want to share, you can tell me" Looking for info and weak points to use against us, it's sickening.

The thing is that these individuals never comment on my boyfriend to me, but are always in my boyfriends ear trying to discredit me. The pathetic thing is that we are in our twenties and one of these individuals are in their fifties! They are your classic narcissistic manipulator , they are always right, never wrong, will step on anyone to get their own way and have power.
The other is stuck in a failing marriage and talks about it to anyone who will listen, caught her a few times rolling her eyes when she sees myself and BF happy together.

My boyfriend is very goood and doesn't listen to these people and brushes it off but I'm finding it more and more difficult (hence why I'm posting this at 3am, yet another night of losing sleep over this) I'm the type to confront someone if they are being rude but my boyfriend advises against this.

I'm so sorry for the length of this post but I am at my wits end with this, I have knots in my stomach when I have to see these people, which is quite often, and don't want to leave something I enjoy doing because of a couple of miserable sods!

Any advice? Even a smart alec answer to give back when they come prying for info again!? Haha

Tokyo

As the saying goes, 'no matter how many times people try to criticize you, the best revenge is to prove them wrong.'

It all sounds like good old fashioned begrudgery to me, particularly if some of these people are in stagnant or failing relationships themselves. At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters here is your boyfriend's, and as he doesn't pay any heed to their comments, I suggest you do the same.

tomwaterford

Join a differnet/similar voluntary group??


Its your time your giving up for nothing....why spend it with toxic people,what make you feel bad??

JackTaylorFan

If you truly feel this is what is taking place, Is there not a something like a HR dept. that deals with bullying and conflict in the workplace that you can speak to? Volunteer or not, you are still in a workplace environment.

Neyite

Honestly, the best way to combat this is to have clear communication between you as a couple, and the best revenge on people who want to split you up is to be happy, secure and confident in your relationship.

I'd something similar when I got together with my partner. Mutual friends who I thought would be happy for us reacted very badly towards me. It was their loss in the end, because as far as my partner was concerned he is very much his own man and is capable of making his own choices in his personal life. And he began to distance himself of his own accord from them because all they did was badmouth someone he was developing strong feelings for. So their sh!t stirring only backfired on them in the end.

By confronting these people, you'll give them the knowledge that they are getting to you. They get their kicks from you being bothered, so never give them this satisfaction. Your boyfriend has the right plan of action - ignoring what they say and not confronting them is what narcissists hate the most. They want you to confront them so that they get to paint themselves as the victim in your seemingly unprovoked onslaught. Don't play into their hands.

Airyfairy12

I had similar problems with my ex, if any of his mates and acquaintances saw me out with friends and god forbid speaking to another man (my brother included) they'd report it back to my boyfriend. It's such an uncomfortable situation. Best thing to do is ignore it, if thats not an option then look for volunteer work somewhere else or get involved in areas of your current volunteer placement that dont require you to be around these toxic people. If thats not an option then just confront them, is there one in particular that's causing the most problems? Id take her to the side and quietly ask her if theres a problem, its usually enough to stop people like that in their tracks. If it gets nasty then report them.