Scared of future

Slippingaway

So been regularly reading boards and just created account to hopefully get help/advice. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Basically my ex girlfriend left me nearly a year ago after being together for year and a half. I really taught she was the one and was already looking ahead into future. However she broke up with me, saying it was my fault and was caused by me saying a hurtful comment regarding her weight. I knew straight away when I said it it was wrong and apologised repeatedly. I still hate myself to this day for saying it and for ruining things and not sure if I'll ever forgive myself.However made no difference as she left me and broke my heart. Didn't take long for her to start new relationship within a month after. It really knocked me and was in a dark place. However a couple of months ago she text me out of the blue saying she missed me, thinking about me and asked to meet for coffee which I agreed to cautiously. We met, talked about the past and life since the split. We met another 4 times, kissed, hugged and really taught we were ready to give things another go. However on the 5th meeting she tells me she has no time for a relationship and doesn't know what she wants and when I Queried more she said she didn't like me bringing up the past the first couple of times we met and she didn't have to tolerate all that ****e. I just taught by speaking about it, it was trying to wipe the slate clean as such and to park things finally. Just suppose her leaving me a second time has me questioning everything. Am I not good with women, not attractive enough and will I ever find happiness?? I see all my friends over last 6 months and over the next year getting engaged/married and I suppose it's just hit me how far behind everyone I am and that I'm a failure in my personal life. Just it's hard having no one to spend time yet or do things or just to hug and feel appreciated. I'm scared of ending up alone and it's starting to make me feel down and sad and I just can't stop myself of imagining where things would be right now if I didn't make them mistakes. I suppose it's starting to hit me now that I'll soon be a 33 year old man that's probably has no confidence in myself and that there is no one left out there for me. Sorry for long post, hope it makes some sense

silverharp

she sounds like a head wreck OP, one comment and she is off? seriously? you cant have a relationship with someone if you have to walk on egg shells. End up in a long term relationship with that girl and most likely it would be quite abusive for you, honestly best thing is to cut contact and move on.
33 and male, you have loads of time

Bambi985

Slippingaway wrote: »

Just suppose her leaving me a second time has me questioning everything. Am I not good with women, not attractive enough and will I ever find happiness??

No, no and yes, of course you will once you get through this rough patch and finally move on from her.

Meeting the wrong person does all kinds of things to you and your ex sounds like the absolute worst kind of woman you could have met. The kind of person that can't be alone and uses men to validate her own ego, hence the stringing you along and hot and cold behaviour.

33 is still young, even if all of your friends and the world around you seems to be settling down. Ireland especially has an obsession with marriage and babies after a certain age and what other people are up to has frankly nothing to do with you. imagine if you had married this lass just for the sake of keeping up with everyone else - the life of misery and headfcuk that would be ahead of you.

You met the wrong person and when the dust settles will have learned a few valuable life lessons from it. Be good to yourself for the next few months, try to get into a healthy routine with exercise and healthy eating and get busy with your career and/or your hobbies and social life. you'll come out of this stronger and will see in time that she wasn't worth the misery.

Dr Crayfish

33 year old old man, lol. Christ, you need to live a bit more, seriously. You're still quite a young man, your 30s are probably the peak for a man. Don't talk to that gob****e again, she sounds like a f*cking tool. She needs to get over herself.
Look the world is your oyster, try and enjoy your life. That woman made you miserable, is that what you want again?
Why are you worried about getting married? It's not all it's cracked up to be, trust me.
Take a holiday, join a class, go out drinking, enjoy the little things in life. Life is great, be grateful for what you have. This is coming from a single 36 year old dinosaur who's never been happier.

pilly

I would presume that all the posters above are men given that they've immediately called this woman all sorts.

Don't forget guys there's two sides to every story. No-one ends a relationship over one remark, there's more to that than meets the eye.

OP, you mention she said she didn't like you bringing up the past the 1st few times you met up again so surely you didn't spend the 1st few dates discussing one remark? There had to be more going on there.

Now, by all means sow your wild oats and get out there and meet more women but also look at what went wrong and why or you don't learn anything.

You're still very young at 33 by the way, so don't panic yet but I do get where you're coming from. It is usually a time when people are settling down.

Did you have any other relationships in between breaking up with this girl and getting back with her?

Slippingaway

Thanks for comments so far, just seen it now. Just to say few things. Yes the main reason she broke up with me the first time was because she said she couldn't forget what I said and that also when we had a agreement she didn't like me raising my voice or shouting a bit. Now I knew myself that was something I had to work on and did do but I'm only human and can get frustrated at times. She broke up by text the first time, wouldn't meet me, moved quickly into another relationship. I wrote her a email pleading my love for her, which maybe I shouldn't but I just find it hard to hide my feelings. Made no difference as she just replied never to contact her again which I didn't until a couple of months when she texted me asking to meet. As regards bringing up the past it was just the first two times we met a couple of months ago and all I said was how long her other relationship was over and told her how much it hurt me and affected me the way she ended things last year. She brought up some things I did that hurt her which I said I was truly sorry and just wanted to clear the air as such. Just that I had my hopes destroyed a second time by her and this whole episode has really knocked my confidence, self esteem and just has me afraid that I'm just not attractive or good enough for anyone. Since the first break up I've been on a couple of dates with two women but I just ended up being rejected/ ghosted so hence my worries about maybe there is just nobody left out there for me and will never feel the same spark with anyone again. It's just the one aspect of life that's missing as I'm busy at work as I work for myself and play sports 3 times a week. I live about 25 minutes from major city so that's when I just look around I just don't see anyone left and see everyone else settling. I don't mind accepting advice/criticism as I know I have to try and get myself up on my feet again but god I'm finding it hard to believe..

Lisha

Op, speaking as a female, you are better off alone, than with someone who only wants to change you.
Sounds to me like she left you for someone else. That didn't work out so she plays it safe by stringing you along and using you as a safety net.

You deserve better op.

Fair enough you've identified some issues you may need to work on,Ike communication skills and maybe anger management, so why not try counselling or even mindfulness.
But only try and improve yourself for you op. Be the best version of yourself and then hopefully Ms Right who will love you for you will be along.

Best of luck op.

Hollister11

To put it bluntly op. **** her.

Don't give her a second though and go to enjoy your future WITHOUT her. Enjoy your career, friends family and any future girlfriend(s).

Slippingaway

Lisha wrote: »

Op, speaking as a female, you are better off alone, than with someone who only wants to change you.
Sounds to me like she left you for someone else. That didn't work out so she plays it safe by stringing you along and using you as a safety net.

You deserve better op.

Fair enough you've identified some issues you may need to work on,Ike communication skills and maybe anger management, so why not try counselling or even mindfulness.
But only try and improve yourself for you op. Be the best version of yourself and then hopefully Ms Right who will love you for you will be along.

Best of luck op.

Thanks for the input.. It did hurt like hell the feeling of just being replaced so quickly like I wasn't much. It was my first serious relationship and know I was late into the game as such. I know I wasn't perfect and I now know I need to filter my comments and just think before I speak. It's just the nagging thoughts I have that I'm not attractive, good enough and I'm scared to get my hopes up with someone again as I'm afraid of getting broken hearted again. There is times where I just think I should give up hope and resign myself that maybe things aren't for me. But I know I have a lot going for me so it's the constant battle between the two..

punisher5112

Op make some gaps in there just edit it. Can't read any of it. Brain hurts.

Slippingaway

punisher5112 wrote: »

Op make some gaps in there just edit it. Can't read any of it. Brain hurts.

Sorry just on phone. Maybe mods might edit it