Looking for answers

jimini0

I'm not looking for sympathy or counselling with this post.
My brother committed suicide very recently and I'm finding it hard to find a reason why. I have tried a few times to ask the guard or priest or counsellor who is supporting us, but i cant get the words out of my mouth. So I have a few questions that somebody that has experienced a loss like this might be able to answer.
1.When will we get the coroner's report?
2.Will the report state that he struggled and tried to undo the knot around his neck?
3. Can we get his phone records to see if he texted or rang somebody before hand?
4. Can we get his bank details to see was he in money trouble?
I know these are difficult to answer but any help would be greatly appreciated. But please I need answers
You can pm if you want

Tokyo

Hi jimini0,

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, and the unexpectedness of it. I know firsthand the questions that are going through your mind right now, and how difficult they can be. Nobody here can give you a definitive answer to the questions - for that you would have to ask a member of the Gardai and/or the bank. But I can tell you my experiences from dealing with the same.

1. The coroner's report should come quite quickly in a situation such as yours. In the case of suicide, it's usually a matter of formality, and as such, a straightforward procedure.
   
   
2. In my experience no - it gave a very matter-of-fact description of the cause of death. No speculation as to what may or may not have happened prior to that.
   
   
3. I would imagine not - even the Gardai can not access phone records without a legitimate reason. You should speak to the Gardai about this though.
   
   
4. If I'm not mistaken, once you have a Death Certificate (or Fact of Death Certificate), you can speak to the bank about accessing the contents of your brother's bank account - I'm not sure about specific records though. I would definitely speak to his bank about this - I can assure you they have dealt with this before, and will treat you and yours professionally, and with understanding.

Something you haven't asked, but does jump out in your post, is your quest to find answers as to why this tragic event happened. It's an all too easy spiral to get caught up in, and even if you do get all the paperwork you've listed above, you may still be none the wiser as to what happened. The hardest part of dealing with a tragedy like this is, by definition, the people left behind are left with a lot of unanswerable questions, and accepting that can be the most difficult part.

punisher5112

Very sorry to hear op.

Honestly haven't been in that position but know a few that have and it came out of the blue for one. The guy had a great job, young family, house and everything most would love to have but for some unknown reason ended things.

Its a very sad time and I would suggest grieve and try and remember the good and try not to look into it too much as it will only hurt more.

Sometimes people go to a very dark place and no matter what anyone does or says won't change it.

Years ago I was nearly that person but glad now never went through.

I hope you all can move on in time and try and comfort each other among the family and see the good he done.

jimini0

Well its been a tough couple of weeks. I got some answers to my questions from here and from bank and phone company. Nothing can be done with those without the death cert.
I have decided that I don't want to know if he struggled and tried to undo the rope. Its bad enough knowing that he was so lonely that last couple of hours in his house. He had a great job and social life (probably too good of a social life).
In the next couple of weeks I'm goin to contact the local suicide help people and see what I can do to fundraise for them. I'm also goin to our local TD and getting some bloody action from the government of this serious problem we have in this country.
The government is more concerned about showing the world how good this country is but its forgetting the serious amount of depressed people in it. Spending millions on bloody tribunals to tell as what we already bloody know. A woman came up to me in a shop last week sympathising with me. Then proceeded to tell me that suicide is against gods will and is a selfish thing to do. My god she got a shock with my answer. I had to be escorted out of the shop. I think people need a lot of education on the matter. I know we have a lot of other problems too like homelessness and the scandals with the priests and nuns. But depression is a silent killer. Probably linked to those scandals but the amount of young men that have taken their own lives is crazy. Something has to be done. And I will help in some way to get action on it.
OK rant over
Thanks for the help

punisher5112

Great to hear you got some closure and its a good decision letting certain aspects rest also.

Its a very nice thing that you plan on doing with helping out but I would suggest doing your homework on the charity as so many have been in it for only themselves. Which is sad.

HSE should be looking after these services as I believe there are way too many charities these days.

I would also suggest if you are ever down or for whatever reason reach out to those close to you as you never know they could feel the same and end up helping each other even if its only an ear to listen.

Best of luck in the future and do keep us updated if you feel you would like to.

LynnGrace

Just to echo what punisher said, I am glad to hear that you got some answers. I can't even imagine what a hard time this must be and want to offer my sincere condolences on your loss.

Well done on planning to get involved with groups that help. Personally, I have great admiration for Pieta House, and believe that they do a lot of good work in suicide prevention. So they may be one option to explore, they are, in my experience, very appreciative of volunteers / fund raising etc.

All the best.

jimini0

LynnGrace wrote: »

Just to echo what punisher said, I am glad to hear that you got some answers. I can't even imagine what a hard time this must be and want to offer my sincere condolences on your loss.

Well done on planning to get involved with groups that help. Personally, I have great admiration for Pieta House, and believe that they do a lot of good work in suicide prevention. So they may be one option to explore, they are, in my experience, very appreciative of volunteers / fund raising etc.

All the best.

Donations at the funeral went to pieta house so they are first on my list.
I want to get involved in another one. I might not have much to offer but I think every little bit of help will be useful. If it prevents one suicide then I will be happy. The darkness into light is starting soon so that will be a start I have already told friends and family about the walk so that's a start.