Great first date, texting, no second date?

SATSUMA

I went on a date with a guy 10 days ago who I met online. It went well. He text me after saying he had a great time. Now he keeps texting me every 2/3 days just saying hi, asking me how my day was. We have the chats but to me its all very mundane! I'm not sure what is going on that he hasn't just asked me out again and quit the texting!

Men, any ideas? Surely if he was interested he would have asked by now? If he's not interest why waste time texting?

Conor Bourke

What's stopping you asking him out?

baby and crumble

SATSUMA wrote: »

Men, any ideas? Surely if he was interested he would have asked by now? If he's not interest why waste time texting?

Because he doesn't know if you feel the same way, because you haven't asked him to get together again? Why should it be all down to him? Maybe he's nervous, maybe he doesn't think you like him, maybe he has zero confidence?

If you want to see him again, say it. Ask him out. If he says no or avoids the whole topic then you have your answer. But the fact he's texting and chatting means he doesn't think you're a loser or anything.

SATSUMA

I have zero problem asking him out I was just trying to let him take charge! In my experience if a man likes you there's no holding him back!

I am the world's worst dater though I won't deny that. This guy just has me confused...

njs030

Just ask him at least you know one way or the other.

I'd tend to agree with you that some men would say if they want a second date but as they aren't all they same don't waste time wondering!

Go for it!!

solJ21

The cynic in me says that he keeps you sweet for the time being. He is most likely is chatting to other girls and wants to see his options, if nothing 'better' materializes then he will be in touch with further date.
Maybe I am wrong and he is not confident etc, but given this is online dating situation I'd bet this is the most likely scenario. I hope I am wrong OP.:)

Bambi985

if it was me i'd probably just text him something like "so are we going to keep chatting about the weather or are you going to ask me out again?:p" and be done with it.

Exclamation Marc

Just ask a leading question along the lines of whether you'll go out again.

Whatever way he responds, you'll know how he feels.

Parchment

if you want to go on another date - ask him.

redfox123

Solj21 probably nearest the truth.. He'll probably say yea definitely if you ask but these days with online dating the way it is, he is going to be veeerry casual about things and if you're happy with that (I'm guessing not if you're already on boards after one date) then great but he will be chatting away to others right now and keeping his options open.

solJ21

If it was me, I would leave it or just politely let it fade away if he hasn't asked you out for this weekend.Don't be somebody's option.

GuessWhoEh

See the thing about Online dating is that often enough, there's more than you he's chatting too. Chances are, he's testing the waters. Going on a few dates. Having chats with other people.

In saying that, he could honestly be waiting for you to say something as I assume he asked you for a date first. Take the chances. Ask him if he would like to meet up again, his reaction will say it all. What's the harm? If you don't ask, you don't get

leggo

This is what dating today is. You can have a lovely night with someone but still...you're competing with the rest of the planet. So, if you actually really like someone, your best bet in not having your head wrecked is to go for it and try stake your claim by being really pro-active about it and going for it, including asking them about further dates.

If you get the reaction you're looking for and they respond in kind, it's probably on. If you end up feeling a little flat after it all, it's probably not. And it really is as simple as that.

And if you kinda pussyfoot around the whole thing...you're gonna have your head wrecked time and time again and be left waiting because everyone else is playing the same waiting game as you.

magneticimpulse

I would say to him that you thought you might have met up again and see his response?

Sounds like the same guy I went on a date with 2 weeks ago. Lovely guy and he even said at the end of the second date he would love to meet up again. He was very cool with the text messages and when I queried him on meeting up again he told me all the best for the future because I wasn't texting him enough!!! If that guy was interested in me he wouldn't have made an excuse and he would have arranged a follow up date.(or left it open that I could suggest meeting again).

I know people here say women should ask guys out (and like you OP I have no problem with that - and I have done in the past and it's never worked out). I think tradition still kicks in for the early stages of dating. If a guy is interested, he is interested !!! He will let it be known....I don't think women should have to chase guys at the early first couple of dates (I'm the very person who thinks women should make the moves but based on experience in ireland at least it doesnt work). Especially when dealing with online people.

I'd ask him out straight that you were hoping to meet up again - it'd either going to result in another date or not. Either way you need to find out and not waste your time.

leggo

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I know people here say women should ask guys out (and like you OP I have no problem with that - and I have done in the past and it's never worked out). I think tradition still kicks in for the early stages of dating. If a guy is interested, he is interested !!! He will let it be known....I don't think women should have to chase guys at the early first couple of dates (I'm the very person who thinks women should make the moves but based on experience in ireland at least it doesnt work). Especially when dealing with online people.

Depends. I'd have no problem asking a girl out but I have cases of people I've gone on first dates with that kinda needed to make the next move in some shape or fashion. It's give and take and some people can keep their cards too close to their chest, I need to feel chased too in the early stages so if someone does that with me, they're likely gone because, even if I like them, I'm proud and not going to chase what I feel is a non-runner. There are other girls out there so if I'm feeling a bit deflated because of someone not putting themelves out there enough early on, I'm going to choose to look onto the next one. But it doesn't mean I don't like the person either!

SATSUMA

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

What's stopping you asking him out?

Do men expect to be asked out now?

magneticimpulse

leggo wrote: »

Depends. I'd have no problem asking a girl out but I have cases of people I've gone on first dates with that kinda needed to make the next move in some shape or fashion. It's give and take and some people can keep their cards too close to their chest, I need to feel chased too in the early stages so if someone does that with me, they're likely gone because, even if I like them, I'm proud and not going to chase what I feel is a non-runner. There are other girls out there so if I'm feeling a bit deflated because of someone not putting themelves out there enough early on, I'm going to choose to look onto the next one. But it doesn't mean I don't like the person either!

I think this is ridiculous because you are saying you like someone but you blow them off because they keep their cards too close to their chest ? I do not understand this sort of mentality and it's what makes early stages of dating so frustrating.

People with experience of dates most likely have been burnt in the past and don't want to rush into things - that's not to say they are not interested. But I think it is very petty to blow someone off that you fancy just because they are being cautious because of probably getting hurt in the past by rushing into things.

It's people's own lost if they are going to be that picky that someone is being cautious to begin with and they don't give them a chance because they are "too proud".

In OP's case I think she can ask the guy out to.meet again. I know how the OP feels and there is nothing more frustrating than a guy saying he is interested but then him not giving and therefore there is very little for us ladies to return.

XsApollo

If you want to go out again , ask him.
Also you say he texts every 2 or 3 days? Asking how you are.
Have you ever text him first?
Why don't you text him first the next day.
If your not initiating anything , how does he know your interested?

leggo

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think this is ridiculous because you are saying you like someone but you blow them off because they keep their cards too close to their chest ? I do not understand this sort of mentality and it's what makes early stages of dating so frustrating.

People with experience of dates most likely have been burnt in the past and don't want to rush into things - that's not to say they are not interested. But I think it is very petty to blow someone off that you fancy just because they are being cautious because of probably getting hurt in the past by rushing into things.

It's people's own lost if they are going to be that picky that someone is being cautious to begin with and they don't give them a chance because they are "too proud".

In OP's case I think she can ask the guy out to.meet again. I know how the OP feels and there is nothing more frustrating than a guy saying he is interested but then him not giving and therefore there is very little for us ladies to return.

If you like someone but they're not writing first or giving you substantial texts and you feel like you're hassling them when you text...even if you fancy them, why would you continue texting and ask for further dates? So someone has to do all the chasing because the other person is afraid of being hurt, and their fear is okay, but what about the other person's worries about being hurt/rejected, is that not okay too? Like I said this stuff is give and take. And I, personally, don't like texting or being with people where I feel like I have to do all the running, I want things 50-50 and I can get that. Is that not a fair thing to want?

We don't know what the OP is being like here, in fact she describes their chats as 'mundane', and that could be a big part of why this is happening. So my point is that if you like someone, make sure they know it, even if it means asking them out and getting shot down.

76544567

Texting. There's your problem. No-one ever knows what the other side really means in a text conversation. So many y interpretations from the one set of texts. And then both sides reading totally wild meanings into each text until it just peters out.
Try an old fashioned phonecall. Ha e a bit of craic during the call and depending how it's going make some arrangements at the end of the call.

Atomicjuicer0

Maybe the date didn't click for him so he's just letting you down gently by gradually ending the texting this way?

leggo

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think this is ridiculous because you are saying you like someone but you blow them off because they keep their cards too close to their chest ? I do not understand this sort of mentality and it's what makes early stages of dating so frustrating.

People with experience of dates most likely have been burnt in the past and don't want to rush into things - that's not to say they are not interested. But I think it is very petty to blow someone off that you fancy just because they are being cautious because of probably getting hurt in the past by rushing into things.

It's people's own lost if they are going to be that picky that someone is being cautious to begin with and they don't give them a chance because they are "too proud".

In OP's case I think she can ask the guy out to.meet again. I know how the OP feels and there is nothing more frustrating than a guy saying he is interested but then him not giving and therefore there is very little for us ladies to return.

If you like someone but they're not writing first or giving you substantial texts and you feel like you're hassling them when you text...even if you fancy them, why would you continue texting and ask for further dates? So someone has to do all the chasing because the other person is afraid of being hurt, and their fear is okay, but what about the other person's worries about being hurt/rejected, is that not okay too? Like I said this stuff is give and take. And I, personally, don't like texting or being with people where I feel like I have to do all the running, I want things 50-50 and I can get that. Is that not a fair thing to want?

We don't know what the OP is being like here, in fact she describes their chats as 'mundane', and that could be a big part of why this is happening. So my point is that if you like someone, make sure they know it, even if it means asking them out and getting shot down.

miamee

SATSUMA wrote: »

I went on a date with a guy 10 days ago who I met online. It went well. He text me after saying he had a great time. Now he keeps texting me every 2/3 days just saying hi, asking me how my day was. We have the chats but to me its all very mundane! I'm not sure what is going on that he hasn't just asked me out again and quit the texting!

Men, any ideas? Surely if he was interested he would have asked by now? If he's not interest why waste time texting?

Did you reply to tell him you also had a good time?
Do you ever initiate contact?
Did you give any signs that you'd like to see him again?

Some men are shy and afraid of reading the signs incorrectly - if you're not giving any signs or hints that you are into him other than your replies to his texts then he is possibly at a bit of a loss as to whether you'd say yes to another date or not. The fact that neither of you have mentioned a second date in 10 days though is a pretty bad sign. You (pl) are not communicating well and are both waiting for the other to make a move. Time to just ask the question and stop wasting time texting, you weren't on Tinder (or whatever) looking for a penpal

magneticimpulse

leggo wrote: »

If you like someone but they're not writing first or giving you substantial texts and you feel like you're hassling them when you text...even if you fancy them, why would you continue texting and ask for further dates? So someone has to do all the chasing because the other person is afraid of being hurt, and their fear is okay, but what about the other person's worries about being hurt/rejected, is that not okay too? Like I said this stuff is give and take. And I, personally, don't like texting or being with people where I feel like I have to do all the running, I want things 50-50 and I can get that. Is that not a fair thing to want?

We don't know what the OP is being like here, in fact she describes their chats as 'mundane', and that could be a big part of why this is happening. So my point is that if you like someone, make sure they know it, even if it means asking them out and getting shot down.

I think it'd bad form to write someone off that has clearly stated they had a good date and would like to see the person again - surely those words are important as oppose to whether or not they text first? That seems childish to me.

You can't expect people to be mind readers as to how much or little text mean to the other person. Texting is a very much an Irish thing. I lived abroad for many years and texting was non existent in other countries. Some people value real life interaction more rather than a relationship with their phone!!!!

I think it's better to communicate to the other person and let them know that texting is not their thing....but they really enjoy meeting up in person and value that quality interaction more. If someone can't make the effort and is.demanding texts all the time, they can't expect everyone is into that same level of texting all the time. Why does the quality of dating rely on a relationship with a phone? Why can't it be judged on the quality time.spent with a person in person in the real world?

leggo

Of course it does, I'm not disagreeing at all with that, but the OP is texting a guy here so she's asking about that.

Pyr0

SATSUMA wrote: »

Do men expect to be asked out now?

No but the onus shouldn't be on him to ask! You seem to have an expectation that he should be the one asking you and not the other way around. Maybe he's wondering after all his "Hello, how are you?" texts why you haven't asked him either?

Colonel_McCoy

Just ask him out on another date, simple. If he interested he will say yes.

Katgurl

Talk about making life complicated. You don't know this person, you shouldn't be invested, him not being in your life will not leave a hole.

Send a text "when are we getting around to our next date?"

If he's keen he'll be straight back with a suggestion. If he's evasive in his reply then block and forget about him.

Purple Mountain

If you're really bawking at the idea of.asking him out in a non specific way you could turn it around like so.
Send a text saying '(insert film name/band name here) is on this weekend. Any interest in coming? '
This way it's not a big question about another 'possible' date and you'll know straight up.

amtc

I'd be going down the lines if he's just not into you. From my experience if a guy is he'll walk over hot coals. However you need to rip this off like a sticking plaster. If you're in the same town you could ask if he's out over the weekend as you are and it would be good to meet up. Doesn't mean you have to spend whole evening out together. Get your answer one way or the other is my advice. (I've not always taken my own advice!)

Btw is he still active on dating site?

rain hat

Hi. I have to say it's funny to read just how lost we are when it comes to dating. Haha
The thing is communication is like tennis yeah? Hit the ball across and see if anything comes back. Or ask straight up. I think that because you put it on boards so fast that your emotionally invested are you?