Wedding "Afters" Invite

MaryFairie · 09-03-2017 2:18pm #1

Hi, just a question as I'm unsure of the current wedding etiquette. I have just been sent an invite for the evening reception of a work colleague. The wedding is in April and its a bit of a trek for me to down to Waterford.
I have a newish BF of about 6 months but the invitation did not state a plus 1
Would I be rude to ask can my BF go? I was thinking it would be rude as it clearly didnt state a plus 1 but I dont want to go on my own and the distance etc... I would like for it to be a nice night away with my BF and have his company there and I guess most of the other guests will have partners etc.
I am also thinking it wont really cost anything for him as we are not eating dinner, its just the evening reception.
God I hate this!

me_irl · 09-03-2017 2:23pm

MaryFairie wrote: »

God I hate this!

You're not alone in that sentiment, I assure you!

The best (or polite) course of action is to contact your colleague and ask if your boyfriend can come.

If there's any conflict, I wouldn't bother going or say thank you but you've other plans. As you said, it's only to the afters, and everyone's too drunk and tired by that stage. A card would suffice.

Atomic Pineapple · 09-03-2017 2:27pm

It's only to the afters so asking to bring a plus 1 would be fine with anyone decent.

Browney7 · 09-03-2017 2:56pm

Why go at all to be honest? All the way to Waterford for the afters of a wedding?

witchgirl26 · 09-03-2017 3:19pm

OP are others from work invited? Have their partners been asked? If it's a case that others who have partners have gotten a plus one, it's maybe worth having a quiet word. However if no-one else in work has had their partners asked, it'd be a bit bad form to ask for yours.

I'd also agree with Browney7 that it's a long way to go for an afters.

super_furry · 09-03-2017 3:22pm

Wouldn't bother my arse trekking down there for the afters. Just say you have plans that weekend.

SarahMollie · 09-03-2017 3:28pm

Yeah, I think an afters invite for a wedding really far away is probably just a token invite to be nice/polite, but they probably don't really expect you to take the trouble to go.

If you really want to go then by all means ask the B&G if bringing you OH is ok (I expect it will be) as for an afters, it really shouldnt make much difference.

I'd also consider if you might have a better/nicer time if you just went for a weekend away wiht your OH to a place of your choosing.

Are any other colleagues going?

MaryFairie · 09-03-2017 3:29pm

Others invited are boss and his wife(main wedding) and 2 from my section who are single/divorced. Their invite was exact same as mine. No plus 1 mentioned. I would like to go as it would be nice night away with my BF.

SarahMollie · 09-03-2017 3:31pm

MaryFairie wrote: »

Others invited are boss and his wife(main wedding) and 2 from my section who are single/divorced. Their invite was exact same as mine. No plus 1 mentioned. I would like to go as it would be nice night away with my BF.

If you really want to go and don't mind the hassle of trecking to Waterford for just an afters..... then by all means ask if you can bring him. Asking to bring someone to an afters is a lot different than the main wedding as there are no catering or other logistical considerations (assuming theres no free bar!) At that point its basically a night out anyway, so one more shouldnt be a problem.

__Alex__ · 09-03-2017 3:54pm

Don't go. It's too far too travel for an afters and is probably an invite where a decline is expected as it's a colleague.

witchgirl26 · 09-03-2017 3:56pm

MaryFairie wrote: »

Others invited are boss and his wife(main wedding) and 2 from my section who are single/divorced. Their invite was exact same as mine. No plus 1 mentioned. I would like to go as it would be nice night away with my BF.

In that case it wouldn't be too cheeky to ask for your BF to go. The thinking could have been that the 3 of you from the office could keep each other company at the afters as likelihood is, I'm guessing, you don't know anyone else at the wedding.

SteM · 09-03-2017 3:59pm

MaryFairie wrote: »

Others invited are boss and his wife(main wedding) and 2 from my section who are single/divorced. Their invite was exact same as mine. No plus 1 mentioned. I would like to go as it would be nice night away with my BF.

You've already said it's a bit of a trek. Why not decline and then go to somewhere you want to at a time that suits you and the BF? No hassle, just organise a trip away for the 2 of you, you'll enjoy it more I'm sure.

cml387 · 09-03-2017 4:19pm

Unless the plate-licking invite is in the same town as I live, I'd not go.

And they invited the boss...?

tiredblondie · 09-03-2017 4:28pm

If it's just the afters and you fancy a night away in a hotel with your BF, then just go along and take him!
It's not like they are paying for his dinner or anything so what difference would it make!

tiredblondie · 09-03-2017 4:29pm

MaryFairie wrote: »

Others invited are boss and his wife(main wedding) and 2 from my section who are single/divorced. Their invite was exact same as mine. No plus 1 mentioned. I would like to go as it would be nice night away with my BF.

Does she know that you have a BF? If she doesn't, maybe she didn't want to make it awkward putting plus 1 if you had no plus 1 to bring!

Red Kev · 09-03-2017 4:45pm

If you want to go and ye end out both being invited, then go and take the BF with you if you fancy a nice weekend away. There's plenty to do in and around Waterford for the weekend, you don;t have to spend more than a couple of hours of that at the wedding if you don't want to. The rest of the weekend is for ye.

It's a bit odd that there's no +1. It's also likely that she doesn't expect you to turn up, what with Waterford being such a distance away, so don't stress about it. Have a quick chat with her a suss the story out.

mcgiggles · 09-03-2017 8:10pm

If it's only an afters invite you can bring your bf no problem.. the only reason to worry would be if you were invited to the full day where they would have to account for all numbers for dinner, but for afters you could bring all your family (exaggeration..) and it wouldn't make a difference :-)

10-03-2017 1:38pm

MaryFairie wrote: »

I have a newish BF of about 6 months

MaryFairie wrote: »

I would like for it to be a nice night away with my BF

MaryFairie wrote: »

I would like to go as it would be nice night away with my BF.

Are you using this event to initiate your first weekend away with your "newish BF"? Come on, fess up!

Look, it's a long way to go for an afters but there's no harm in asking. Personally though, I would prefer somewhere that was of my choosing and that didn't involve spending the evening with people from work.

Wedding "Afters" Invite

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