Does he have some sort of sexual obssesion and addiction?Opinions!

pam01

Hey Guys, From some time in my 3 years of ”Inconsistent” Relationship with my bf, we had sex once a week (we could not do it more ”due to schedules and his medical studies”)
Besides not having much sex, he also happened to have, well I could describe it as an obsession with anal sex.I pleased him 3 times and did it, it hurted badly I even cried afterwards one of the times, I hate anal sex at it’s maximum, can’t stand it, the point is, even If I told him that I did not like anal, and did not want to do it, everytime we had sex he kept insisting to do it, at the end. He started trying to do anal with me into 4-5 month of relationship, so in my mind at that time I believed he was just curious and that’s it.So then, He always had a way to say ”oh so today we are going to do it from behind” or”let me do it in your b**tt” with much excitement in his voice. If I said NO he would respect it. But the nagging with him trying to convince me of doing it is annoying.

Another thing that caught my eye was the fact that in his car, I had been seeing a business card, It had been thrown in his car for quite some time, but I never asked him, Until I saw it with my own eyes and it was of a Sexual therapist and couples therapy counselor, and in the center of the card it had the therapist’s name. I always suspected he had a anal porn adiction, cause he even showed me a website once. So I wonder why he had this therapist card? with all honesty I don’t think a person has a card like that for no reason,something has to be going on! Any Thoughts?

leggo

Addiction? You've no reason to believe that really, as far as I can see. Sex addiction would be more along the lines of someone who needs to have it all the time with anyone possible, not once a week, so it's not really applicable here.

Obsession? Hmmm...maybe. I mean, aside from the leaflets, there's really nothing to say that other than he seems to have a kink for anal, which is fine in itself. Maybe he's a bit obsessed with anal but that's also allowed.

Let's get away from that for a second though: he should respect the fact that you've said clearly you don't like anal multiple times and has seen you cry with pain afterwards, so he can't even tell himself you're just having a moan or whatever, yet he continues to persist. That's a big problem. Like I felt relieved when you said he respects when you say no and doesn't try to force it, but that should be an expectation, not a bonus.

Put the thoughts about addiction and obsession out of your mind. That sounds like you're trying to 'fix' him, which is always a bad road to go down. He could've got handed out those leaflets on the streets. The problem here is that you guys may be sexually incompatible in this way. It's pretty basic: he likes one thing above all else and you hate it. Neither is wrong for that. But it doesn't work together. So put it on the table and have a serious conversation about that and what you're going to do.

Ursus Horribilis

I thought you'd broken up with him? http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057714841

What do you mean by "inconsistent"? Having read this post and the other ones, I honestly don't know why you're persisting with this relationship. If indeed it is a relationship at all. Someone on the other thread suggested you're in a Friend with Benefits relationship that'll end when he goes back to the United States. Having read that thread and this one, I think they could be closer to the truth than you want to admit.

The way he behaved towards you over this anal sex issue is a red flag. Nagging you into doing something that's painful and made you cry is not OK at all. He showed no respect for you and that is what you should be concentrating on. Not that he has a thing for anal sex.

So why are you with this guy? Have you discussed the future or are you still in the dark as to what happens next?

Have you told him exactly how much you don't want to do anal? Does he know that you cry afterwards? Whatever about his not listening to your saying no being bad, if he doesn't listen after you tell him explicitly how much it hurts you, then that's a huge red flag and suggests that he doesn't actually care too much about how you feel.