Who's being unreasonable here?

yellowgreen

Without saying who I am, just looking for opinions on who people think is the one being unreasonable?

23:55 - Yellow: Gn

00:02 - Green: Struggling to keep eyes open, gn

00:06 - Yellow: Will i see you tomorrow?

05:19 - Green: Well if you're in work all day, then I'll be going to removal thingy this evening and need to be at church then for mass before 10 in the morning, I'll be staying at mine this evening. Not sure how long removal thing will take or if anything happening after, but I don't want to be making other plans just incase there is. (My sister) said she doesn't think she can come to funeral tomorrow as (husband) can't get work off tomorrow but that they might be able to make it for removal this evening, so I offered her to stay in my place if she needed or in mams and that I could drop her back home after everything tomorrow, she didn't reply yet, so not sure what she will say. I see you're online just now lol

05:20 - Yellow: Ok so i wont see you tonight and probably not tomorrow either

05:25 - Green: Well you're welcome to join for any part if you want, but I don't want you doing anything you don't want

05:25 - Yellow: Why cant she come by herself if (husband) can't get off work?

05:26 - Green: What, you mean on train or whatever?

05:26 - Yellow: Of course why not?
05:26 - Yellow: Or she can't use public transport?
05:27 - Yellow: Same on way back, why does she need somebody to drive her?

05:27 - Green: (screenshot of conversation with sister saying she was feeling weak and sick)

05:28 - Yellow: Or trains aren't acceptable in your family?

05:29 - Green: She was sick recently so not feeling great and train with two kids probably not so appealing

05:29 - Yellow: Why?

05:29 - Green: What are you talking about? Are you trying to start an argument or something again?

05:29 - Yellow: Are they full of bacteria or what?
05:30 - Yellow: I just dont understand
05:30 - Yellow: Doesn't make sense
05:30 - Yellow: Your mam has massive empty house

05:30 - Green: Why didn't you want to go on cheap train to your place?

05:30 - Yellow: So why should she stay in your tiny place with 2 kids instead?
05:31 - Yellow: You've never seen (her country) trains but if you ever go to my country please take it to see
05:31 - Yellow: Anyways so not tonight and not tomorrow, no time for me at all i believe
05:31 - Yellow: I asked yesterday when you will have time for me
05:31 - Yellow: Doesn't look like anytime soon

05:33 - Green: I offered her my place as another option, what's wrong with that? I don't know what she'll want to do, but I want to at least give her options. I can't believe you're starting arguments and asking all these irrelevant questions at 5:30 in the morning like your want to start a fight again

05:34 - Yellow: Im only asking as you didn't answer when you you will have time for me
05:34 - Yellow: Questions aren't irrelevant as they come perfectly reasonable to me

05:34 - Green: You never answered why you didn't want to take cheaper train?

05:35 - Yellow: You never answered if you've ever seen (her country) trains
05:35 - Yellow: Have you?

05:35 - Green: I responded to you saying I won't have time for it all week on the phone last night

05:35 - Yellow: If you knew you will be so busy you could have come last night

05:35 - Green: No I haven't seen (her country) trains, which is why I'm asking you to explain!

05:35 - Yellow: Google maybe and see for yourself
05:36 - Yellow: Ok so no time whole week for me?

05:36 - Green: Or you could just explain? Why didn't you come to my place last night?

05:36 - Yellow: Did you invite me?

05:37 - Green: I said you're always welcome here so yeah I guess

05:37 - Yellow: Did you have dinner ready?

05:37 - Green: Again, it's assumed that me saying we'll spend time together is me rushing out to your place for you

05:37 - Yellow: I did as i prepared food for you as i thought you are coming
05:38 - Yellow: Noooo
05:38 - Yellow: So no time for me whole this week
05:38 - Yellow: Ok understood

05:38 - Green: Great way to start the morning here, you're ready on the fingers to start arguing again after a quick recharge overnight

05:38 - Yellow: Im sooooo sad
05:39 - Yellow: You are so busy making all these plans
05:39 - Yellow: No time for me anywhere
05:39 - Yellow: Any of days
05:39 - Yellow: You knew my dad will be here
05:40 - Yellow: But you couldn't give even few hours on Saturday or yesterday and by the look of it you wont today or tomorrow

05:40 - Green: How dare my granny die when your dad is coming!

05:40 - Yellow: I asked about other days, no answer
05:40 - Yellow: But it's not about that
05:40 - Yellow: You knew you will be busy
05:40 - Yellow: But didn't even think to try to arrange to spend some time with me
05:41 - Yellow: At all
05:41 - Yellow: Ok never mind

05:41 - Green: No, you didn't ask about other days , you just started rambling on about how I'll have no time for the rest of the week for you and I said I had a really busy week last week but still managed to come to yours a few times to see you, so why would the same not be possible again this week.

05:41 - Yellow: So will you not have any time this week?
05:41 - Yellow: I asked this question so many times
05:42 - Yellow: Have you seen how many times i was online during night?
05:42 - Yellow: Because i cant sleep?
05:44 - Yellow: I thought Tues after class id cone over but doesn't look that way
05:46 - Yellow: ?
05:54 - Yellow: Im staring into my phone waiting for your msg to come through
05:56 - Yellow: Can you please send the response?

05:57 - Green: No you didn't, you asked when will I have a full day to dedicate to you without looking at my phone or laptop or going to do shopping or doing anything other than giving you my undivided attention, like you give me your undivided attention for a full day so often as you do?? Have I ever demanded or asked for such a thing? No of course not, I understand you might have other things you need to give attention to here and there in any given day. About me having time for you this week, I said already that last week was really busy with meetings, going to see granny and all the rest, but I still managed to come to yours a few times so why would you think I'm too busy to see you at all this week. , I saw you were last online at 00:50, 45 minutes after your last text to me, so no I didn't see how many times you were online throughout the night not sleeping. I don't know how Tuesday is going to look, try and understand, going to my granny's funeral, offered (my sister) a lift to (her county) if she wants it etc, these things may interfere with my free time. You can see I'm typing, surely you have other stuff to be doing like you always do? You know I write my texts all at once and they can take several minutes depending on how many texts you have sent that I'm replying to and then each new text that comes in I've to reply to too and now you're texting me about me not replying quick enough again??

05:59 - Yellow: I thought we kind of agreed on that Tuesday
05:59 - Yellow: And if you are not going to have time, you could let me know, so i dont plan with it in my head

05:59 - Green: We agreed on what??

05:59 - Yellow: I asked you already about the Tuesday
06:00 - Yellow: That id come after class

06:00 - Green: Was this before my granny died and funeral arranged for Tuesday?

06:00 - Yellow: So if your plans changed you could let me know
06:00 - Yellow: I am not sure
06:00 - Yellow: You could let me know about change of plans as you said you would?

06:01 - Green: I let you know funeral was on Tuesday!?

06:01 - Yellow: You never said anything about driving to (sisters county) only this morning

06:01 - Green: Did you see what time I text my sister??

06:01 - Yellow: Yes thats morning though so didn't think you wouldn't have time evening
06:01 - Yellow: You could let me know
06:01 - Yellow: Anyways doesn't matter
06:02 - Yellow: I wont see you today or tomorrow is conclusion
06:02 - Yellow: Friday is my day off, will you have time for me?

06:06 - Green: I told you that I won't have time to give you 24 hours of undivided attention on Friday as I have a job.

I asked you for the funeral, you said you didn't want to go, now you're complaining I'm not making time for you the evening of my granny's funeral as it's the shortest distance you need to travel to see me within your week's schedule as you get paid to do the first half of the journey so it's the most convenient and efficient time for you to come to my place. Well I'm sorry, it's my granny's funeral, which I asked you to, I don't know the plan and I've offered the possibility of a lift to (county) for my sister.

06:07 - Yellow: I asked for any time on Friday
06:07 - Yellow: And i dont get paid to travel half distance
06:07 - Yellow: But i already asked about it and we agreed on it
06:08 - Yellow: You didnt say anything about lift so i didnt know
06:08 - Yellow: Ok i wont come to yours ever after my classes as its not appreciated as im paid to get half way
06:09 - Yellow: Thank you, very happy to start Monday after this now
06:09 - Yellow: You are so mean to me i feel like you hate me
06:09 - Yellow: You could have made time on Saturday
06:09 - Yellow: Or yesterday evening
06:09 - Yellow: But you dont want to make time for me, ok i understand i wont ask for any of your time again
06:12 - Yellow: I only asked for whole day as you promised that for yesterday and i was upset it didn't happen
06:24 - Yellow: No need to answer anything baby, im too demanding and want too much of you and to give me your time etc, i wont expect anything from you so if you do have time, i will be happy
06:25 - Yellow: Have a good day, im sorry i was mean yesterday, i realise it wasnt nice and i apologise

06:34 - Green: I told you already, I was so busy last week and still had time to come to yours that you assuming I won't have time for you this week is with unfounded reason. You didn't ask for any time, you just assumed I won't have time. You're half way between my place and yours in the city and getting money for being there. As I said, I'm sorry my granny died and interrupted the plans. You started Monday arguing, arguing over my sister taking a train and how my family can't take trains?? This is coming from you who was saying you hated taking the cheap train in (your country), so maybe you could understand that if my sister has been sick and feeling **** and weak, that the thought of taking any train, with two kids, probably isn't very appealing, but it doesn't appear you can empathise with it at all. You think I'm being mean to you, I'm just responding to you digging and digging at me with completely no reasoning.

My plan on Saturday was to go on that walk. I didn't have time for that as I ended up working. I invited you to join for my other plans but you didn't want to, then I came to your place and you're saying I could have made time for you on Saturday?

Yesterday evening, My plan was to go straight from your place to my dad's and straight back, I explained already that this plan changed after how you made me feel about why I come to your place, which you apologised for.

I've made so much time for you since I've known you, have always gone out of my way for you and prioritised you. I've seen my friends and family sparingly since I've known you compared to before knowing you and you tell me I don't want to make time for you?

I never promised I'd have the whole day on Sunday for you, I did say I would have the day free, if that's a promise, so be it, but unfortunately, as I need to keep reminding you, my granny died and I wanted to be there for my dad so apologies to not meet your expectations,for the 50th time. You then demand I dedicate a whole 24 hours to you and give you my undivided attention, no phone, no laptop for 24 hours and tell me I should be taking you on a trip to make up for it to. Typing this out, it sounds completely ridiculous what I'm actually putting up with here.

If these are your expectations, then maybe better you don't expect anything, because your expectations are completely unreasonable.

Guffy

Do ya honestly expect anyone to read through all that?

Yellow seems a nutter from the snipits i read

njs030

I'm sorry op that's too hard to read.

I think it's quite strange to write out an entire conversation like that to be judged by others, is your issue that you want to be proved right?

Lyle Lanley

Read more of that than i should have. Yellow is mental. I'm pretty sure you are yellow, if you were green you would know perfectly well you were in the right.

Either way, this won't work. Posting conversations you have with your other half online is not a good sign.

yellowgreen

thanks for the replies.

Yes, I know it's not a good sign to be posting stuff like this online and the unfortunate reality, is there's so many arguments like this that I could post many more.

I don't want to really ask people I know their opinion so just wanted to post it here anonymously.

It's not about being proved right, it's about getting some kind of feedback because the only feedback I'm hearing is from the other person telling me I'm being unfair etc.

MARTINOZ

"Yellow" is totally unreasonable. Anyone that loses a family member is understandably going to be busy and have family coming and going, so a partner just needs to be reasonable and supportive, neither of which apply to 'Yellow". 

"Yellow" needs to stop acting so childish and help out "Green" as much as possible. They should also apologise to begin the next conversation.

Ursus Horribilis

Is this other person your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, why are you with them?

topmanamillion

yellowgreen wrote: »

thanks for the replies.

Yes, I know it's not a good sign to be posting stuff like this online and the unfortunate reality, is there's so many arguments like this that I could post many more.

I don't want to really ask people I know their opinion so just wanted to post it here anonymously.

It's not about being proved right, it's about getting some kind of feedback because the only feedback I'm hearing is from the other person telling me I'm being unfair etc.

For a start there's no anonymity. You`re easily identifiable and if you`re OH stumbles across this thread they will know its your conversation.

Posting private conversations online is more than enough reason to break up with you. Although if you are Yellow it would be a case of the straw that broke the camels back.

Yellow is simply a head case.

Sunny Dayz

That was quite difficult to read but I think I got the gist of it. Yellow is completely unreasonable. Green had just lost a close family member, of course plans are going to change or cancel, of course she's not going to have much free time, she is going to be busy with her family.

Is Green yellow's boyfriend?.
If so, Green should be ashamed of himself: he has absolutely no sympathy or understanding of yellow's loss or grief, he doesn't even seem to be attending any of the funeral to support Yellow or the be there for her.

Merkin

Posters in Personal Issues don't have the time or inclination to read through these type of posts. And it's completely inappropriate to copy and paste private conversations, it shows seriously skewed judgement. Thread closed.