My relationship over?

nowayout1

I've recently for the past two weeks been seeing my ex girlfriend, we were together 4 years ago. She has a 6 year old child. I've become single from my recent ex of 3 years from which I've a 2 year old child & could have a 2nd child but don't know if I'm the father of the 2nd child who is 2 months old. The girl I've been seeing stated I've to be honest & if I'm not it's over. I really want it to work with her & recently told her I could have a 2nd child as I taught I was doing the right thing & it's huge news & things have come to an end. I really love being with her & we both still have feelings, but her trust in me is gone now. Is there anything I can do to make it right? She said she won't be able get over this. She has her own place & when I asked about coming down to talk she said there's nothings to talk about. What should I do next? Still go down? I feel sick now & can understand but really want to be with her.

jameorahiely

Is there any reason why you haven't gota. DNA ts to see if thr child is yours?

nowayout1

jameorahiely wrote: »

Is there any reason why you haven't gota. DNA ts to see if thr child is yours?

I'm in court next week to get access & guardianship to my 2 year old & for DNA test on 2nd child. Caught my recent ex cheating on me & dates didn't stack up to

tcif

So you've only been seeing your ex again for two weeks? And within that short time you have told her you may have a second child, but you're not sure yet as you need to establish that with a DNA test? I don't really understand why she feels that's a breach of trust, to be honest. It's not like you waited two months to tell her, you have disclosed it in what I would consider to be early days.

Maybe she feels that two children and the second potentially in contentious circumstances is more than she wants to take on and if so, there may not be a lot you can do about that. But if you've been up front with her within 14 days of starting to see each other again then I think saying her trust in you is gone because you didn't tell her on day 1 or day 2 seems a bit harsh.

Xterminator

maybe your ex doesn't want to take on the role of 'step-mother' in whatever relationship you have with your 2nd child. its not a role for the fainthearted.

however the statement that the trust is gone, makes me think its a more personal thing that that. but you have been apart fromt his girl for years, and anything that happening in between wouldn't be her business?

OP did she tell you what have done that is a breach of trust? Id be inclined not to make a snap decision here and give her time to get her head around it.

jameorahiely

You 've a lot going on in your life at the moment. Are you sure this is the best time to be starting a new relationship? I get that it is familiar teritery but personally I would be trying to focus on getting ovet the hurt from your past relationship, getting paternity and all that goes with that sorted and getting clear in my own head space before focusing on a new relationship so quickly

nowayout1

tcif wrote: »

So you've only been seeing your ex again for two weeks? And within that short time you have told her you may have a second child, but you're not sure yet as you need to establish that with a DNA test? I don't really understand why she feels that's a breach of trust, to be honest. It's not like you waited two months to tell her, you have disclosed it in what I would consider to be early days.

Maybe she feels that two children and the second potentially in contentious circumstances is more than she wants to take on and if so, there may not be a lot you can do about that. But if you've been up front with her within 14 days of starting to see each other again then I think saying her trust in you is gone because you didn't tell her on day 1 or day 2 seems a bit harsh.

Yes I've been seeing her for the past 2 weeks, I'll know next week about a paternity test being done. I see it as early days too myself, when I first seen her I couldn't build the courage up to tell her & I really want to be with her. She told me that we tried & it hasn't worked out I just see it as harsh I want to go to her house but don't know if that's annoy her or anything I just feel that if I can talk to her in person it'd be better than over text & would appreciate if she gave me one last chance

nowayout1

Xterminator wrote: »

maybe your ex doesn't want to take on the role of 'step-mother' in whatever relationship you have with your 2nd child. its not a role for the fainthearted.

however the statement that the trust is gone, makes me think its a more personal thing that that. but you have been apart fromt his girl for years, and anything that happening in between wouldn't be her business?

OP did she tell you what have done that is a breach of trust? Id be inclined not to make a snap decision here and give her time to get her head around it.

I don't expect her to feel she has to do that roll in being step mother. I've gotten that vibe from her that what's happened over the past couple of years is accepted & understandable.

No she hasn't said exactly what it was just that the potential 2nd child is big news & she feels she wouldn't be able to get over that. I really want to be with her & would do anything to be with her. I'd of never taught 4 years ago that we could try get back together & want to make it work with her

nowayout1

jameorahiely wrote: »

You 've a lot going on in your life at the moment. Are you sure this is the best time to be starting a new relationship? I get that it is familiar teritery but personally I would be trying to focus on getting ovet the hurt from your past relationship, getting paternity and all that goes with that sorted and getting clear in my own head space before focusing on a new relationship so quickly

I've always believed in relationships will find you & you don't go looking for one. She's accepted that I'm trying to see my son & wants to see him, but the potential 2nd child is a shocker as it is to me. I've gotten over my most recent relationship but not my son.

leggo

nowayout1 wrote: »

I've always believed in relationships will find you & you don't go looking for one. She's accepted that I'm trying to see my son & wants to see him, but the potential 2nd child is a shocker as it is to me. I've gotten over my most recent relationship but not my son.

This relationship clearly isn't finding you, though (and has all the hallmarks of a rebound tbh, which your ex is likely picking up on regardless of what you say/genuinely think in the moment). She's telling you quite clearly she doesn't want to be with you and you're pushing it. And the person you quoted was giving you the advice that maybe you're best served not trying to push a relationship with someone while you have all this going on. It's already causing complications sure! You don't know if the second child is yours so you have to approach people saying "I have one child and maybe a second, I'm up in court next week to figure that out..." I'd run a mile too if someone I was dating said all that, just at the mention of the word 'court' alone!

Whereas, if I met a parent and they said, "I have two children. Here's the deal and how it's been working out over the past while and how this is actually a workable situation..." I'd be more receptive.

Your situation isn't workable yet because you haven't even figured out what the situation is yet.

Ursus Horribilis

If I was your ex, I'd be wary too. There's a real stench of rebound about this. Perhaps your ex is wondering about your true motivations here. Are you running away from your most recent relationship and back to her because it's familiar and safe? It's interesting you called this thread "My relationship over"? You've only been seeing your ex-girlfriend for 2 weeks. That's not a relationship. You're acting like a man whose pants is on fire here.

The baggage you're carrying from your recent relationship is significant. You've got an ex you're tied to forever because of the 2 year old. You may or may not have a second child. In other words, you're not the man your ex dated 4 years ago. Also, that relationship ended so perhaps you're not as suited as you think you are. She's probably also thinking about her 6 year old and what effect it would have on her life. She'd not just have you in her life but potentially two step siblings. She is right to be cautious.

Tramore Tilly

It's a bit sudden for your current girlfriend to decide to end it because of the second baby. Although you say you only broke up with your 3 year ex recently. You've been with you current girlfriend two weeks and the baby is only 2 months old. Did your current girlfriend not know of your ex''s pregnancy at all? If not it is a bit sudden now to throw this at her. But I'm still surprised she ended things given that you're only back a short while.

Maybe look at what your relationship was like with your current girlfriend the first time around. Would she have reason to not trust you? On the flip side, you were exes for a reason. Would she headwreck over seemingly small situations?

If she doesn't want to see you, don't go through the drama of calling round. She had a 6 year old and s/he doesn't need the drama of what that could cause. Maybe being single right now isn't such a bad thing. It'll give you some head space to deal with the other ex.

San_Sebastian

nowayout1 wrote: »

I've recently for the past two weeks been seeing my ex girlfriend, we were together 4 years ago. She has a 6 year old child. I've become single from my recent ex of 3 years from which I've a 2 year old child & could have a 2nd child but don't know if I'm the father of the 2nd child who is 2 months old. The girl I've been seeing stated I've to be honest & if I'm not it's over. I really want it to work with her & recently told her I could have a 2nd child as I taught I was doing the right thing & it's huge news & things have come to an end. I really love being with her & we both still have feelings, but her trust in me is gone now. Is there anything I can do to make it right? She said she won't be able get over this. She has her own place & when I asked about coming down to talk she said there's nothings to talk about. What should I do next? Still go down? I feel sick now & can understand but really want to be with her.

Why would you want to be with somone who doesn't want to be with you?

Also, I would get a DNA test on your two year old as well.

LegacyUser

To be honest you rushing from one relationship into another so called relationship.

At this stage you need to start to sort out your life. You need to find out if the 2 year old and the 2 month child are both yours. After you find this out you and the possible mother of your children need to make arrangement re money for and time with the children.

The present woman your trying to have a relationship does not want to get involved with you. She has a 6 year old child. You broke up with her 4 years ago. You then had a 3 year relationship with another woman and now possibly have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. She does not want to get involved in the mess your in now. She also has to consider her own 6 year old child if you and her get involved.

My advice to you at the moment is that you need to get this situation sorted out. Take time out of rushing from one relationship to another and consider getting the snip.