Can someone tell me if I truly screwed up? or was this his fault

pam01

I, Guess I Kind of broke up with my boyfriend ( 37y/o) I could not stand his erratic behavior anymore. last friday he came for his graduation, and he messaged me on past Thursday saying that on Friday he was coming early here to town where I live, because he was closing the student apartment that he has here where I live.

( what I understood was that he wanted sex, before closing the apt, so I assumed that’s why he wanted to see me early as well.)

So, I text back on Thursday asking him, ”what are we going to do then? and he replied ”I will see your early on Friday around 10:00 am”. So I replied ”OK you text me”. I even found it weird that he did not begin the message saying ”Hi—– I’m coming tomorrow etc etc, so rude.

So it was Friday morning, his grad was scheduled to start 4:00 pm in the afternoon, and I assumed we were going to see each other after the grad (I guess not), since he told me that he just wanted to get it over with the grad, that he just wanted his diploma and that’s it.

So on Friday, at 11:26 AM, he text me saying ”I’m here”, then he called me and says: I’m here in the town, I just arrived, are you ready?

Or you need more time and I said ”no am not ready I need time” and he said ”OK in half an hour then (in his terms its like an hour, he is always late) I said OK and hung up.

The point is that 15 minutes after he called me and we had spoken, I text him saying ”we should see each other better in the evening” (I, wanted to see what he was going to answer and if it was cool with him) and after that I never got a single response back from him.

Time was passing, and it was 1:30 already, I got angry so I took my clothes off and put my pajama back on.

Then I text him ”you know what forget it, don’t come, stop wasting my time, you are late”.

And got nothing back from him, I know it was his grad and he was not going to ruin it for him. But he should of acted differently. He just disappeared no message, no call. nothing just rude.

I forgot to mention that after his grad, maybe in a month later he is leaving back to the states.

And we had not talked about our future in a clear manner. So I don’t know what made him act this way this past friday, if he was planning it or what, or maybe he did not know what to do with the relationship?

jameorahiely

I rarely start off texts with Hi persons name, it's a text not a formal letter, so personally I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that (others may idk)


I persume when he arrived at 11:26 he still had to meet the landlord to close out the apartment? You weren't ready to meet then, so choose not to
Was the landlord on time etc?

The bit I don't get is 15 minutes later you text him to say it would be better to see each other that evening instead, then got mad when he didn't show at, 1.30. Why did you text that if you did want to see him earlier. From what you say it was some sort of test?

It was his grad and he was more than likely out celebrating with his classmates. Bringing along an obviously angry (from the "stop wasting my time" text ) would not have enhanced the atmosphere any.

You don't say how long you are together so it's hard to judge if discussing the future would hold major importance or not, but I'm guessing as he is returning to America and it hasn't cropped up, he doesn't view it as a long term relationship.

Yes he could have text you, or even better either of you could have called and spoken to the other to clarify what was going on.

Ursus Horribilis

From what I can see, the pair of you are at fault here. Your communications seem to mostly consist of texts which are being interpreted in ways that may not have been intended. Like Jamie above me, I'm puzzled by your statement that a text that doesn't have Hi Mary at the start of it is rude. I find that very odd. Did you ever find out what happened after the graduation ceremony? My first thoughts were that he and his classmates probably went out for a few drinks. Or that a group of them congregated somewhere and chatted for ages. He might not have heard the text come in at all. Or he might have sensed that it'd be a narky one.

You also sound quite angry in the post. More than you should be from what you've told us here On the other hand, this appears to have been the straw that broke the camel's back. You did say "I could not stand his erratic behaviour any more" which suggests there are ongoing problems here. Maybe it's for the best that this appeared to be coming to a natural end anyway.

coolcat63

I don't think you screwed up, from your post you seem to have (had?) a FWB relationship which will end when he goes to the States anyway.  Maybe next time you should stop texting, stop assuming, start talking and listening in equal measure.

There's a pair of you in it.

But whatever about him being "erratic" ... you had arranged to meet him @ 10 am but weren't ready @ 11.30.

Then YOU cancelled on HIM saying you wanted to meet in the evening and then YOU get so annoyed when he doesn't respond that you get back into your pyjamas??

And then you text him telling him to forget it, stop wasting your time, don't come, etc. and you're surprised he didn't respond?

Honestly, I find it hard to believe that this isn't an exchange between teenagers and I don't think you're a model of consistency yourself.

He's going back to the States, so how do YOU see this relationship continuing? If you want to know what's going on with him, ask him ... and not by text.

lilsparkle69

Maybe asking him what happened would help? Calling would be better than text, as messages can be misinterpreted. He might of seen your text, and got the impression you were angry/narky so didn't bother replying. Also as others have said, he might have gone out after his grad, phone could have died etc.

How long have you two been going out?