Should I move on?

sryanbruen

In February I broke up with my "friend", "A" whom I thought was my best friend but in reality was a very childish and selfish person.

So, this problem goes back to a summer camp that takes place annually in July. In early 2016, I told "A" about it 'cause he shares a huge interest in music as I do and I thought he would enjoy it as much as I did back in 2015. I showed him the funniest person of the SUMMERCAMP Squad we formed 'cause he was so hilarious, I could not tell "A" about "B" (that was his name). "A" got this crazy obsession of him after I did so. His obsession of him was actually too baring to look at, it was that creepy. When the camp came around in July, "A" asked "B" to join our group but he did not want to and "A" could not take the rejection. He instead went angry about it and tried to manipulate "B" but I told "A" repeatedly not to. He wanted "B" to be in our music video even though he was absolutely nothing to do with our project or song. I think this perfectly captures "A"'s creepy obsession of him.

At the same time in SUMMERCAMP, "A" asked a random girl there named "C" (whom he barely knew, she was a totally new person to him) to join our group and that we need her, she's beautiful, she's amazing etc. Me and "C" laughed at "A" as that was laughably embarrassing. You don't just go up to a stranger you've never seen before like that now do you? Again, she said no and "A" could not take the rejection. Then he started calling her names and even nicknamed her Regina George (you know the girl from Mean Girls?).

SUMMERCAMP 2016 was an absolute disaster thanks to "A" and construction going on close by. After it was over, I sent him a message saying goodbye to him showing that I didn't want to be his friend anymore. After a few boring messages and I did not call him any names :mad:, "A" called me a retarded autistic asshole. I blocked him after that.

Guess what happened 5 days later? He came crawling back to me and realised that he was in the wrong. I decided to give "A" a second chance even though I truly wanted to move on with my life.

"A" kept annoying "B" whom he had an obsession of and "B" ended up blocking "A". But that's not where it ends, "A" kept making fake accounts to talk to "B" including an account where he would pretend to be his girlfriend.

TWO WEEKS AGO, "A" got a message from "B"'s dad (or so he thinks) saying that he will break his legs off if "A" goes near "B" again. I stood up for "B" because I knew "A" was in the wrong for all the things he had done to him. It was actually B's friend pretending to be his dad who sent A that message. A called me a traitor and told me not to bother him in school.

LAST WEEK, "A" came into school with his parents and I knew there was something suspicious. "A"'s mother told the principal to "Get "THE OP" (my real name) to stay away from my son". But "A" clearly told me to not bother him in school, I wasn't planning on going near him again. I wanted to move on but I got a call from my school yesterday about this and now I don't know anymore :mad:. Should I still move on?

I did not in ANY WAY bully "A" who was supposedly my best friend then. I spent 140 euro of my savings on him throughout our friendship and he did not have to pay me a cent back. I did his Maths and Science homework frequently for him. I listened to his boring conversations of that his mother is evil, his anxiety etc.

"A" has ASD, ADD and severe anxiety disorder btw in case you're wondering.

The Princess Bride

Very very difficult post to read and to follow.
I'll keep my reply brief.

Genuinely, it sounds like both of you are better off having nothing to do with the other.
You're young and will in time forget about this relationship.
Move on, swiftly and quietly.

sryanbruen

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Very very difficult post to read and to follow.
I'll keep my reply brief.

Genuinely, it sounds like both of you are better off having nothing to do with the other.
You're young and will in time forget about this relationship.
Move on, swiftly and quietly.

Yes, I can definitely see your difficulty in following the complex story.

Thank you for confirming with me that I should move on, like I thought I should.

Ursus Horribilis

Would you consider editing your post? There are a lot of specific details in there which could identify the people involved.

In terms of what to do, yes you absolutely 100% should move on. Whatever friendship you had with this guy has long since gone. Engaging with him in any way will simply draw fire onto your own head. He's clearly unhinged and god only knows what stories he has told people about you. The less you engage with him the better. Don't send him any texts saying you don't want to be his friend any more or anything like that. Simply pull away quietly and without any declarations.

I suspect you will start to feel better with him gone out of your life. It has to have been draining to listen to the stories, helping him with his homework and putting up with his oddball behaviour. You didn't say how long you've been friends with him but perhaps it's only in recent times that you've come to realise what sort of person he really is. In a few short years you'll be living a very different life to the one you have now. You'll most likely be working or at college, with a whole new set of friends and acquaintances. This guy won't even cost you a second thought sooner than you think.

sryanbruen

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Would you consider editing your post? There are a lot of specific details in there which could identify the people involved.

In terms of what to do, yes you absolutely 100% should move on. Whatever friendship you had with this guy has long since gone. Engaging with him in any way will simply draw fire onto your own head. He's clearly unhinged and god only knows what stories he has told people about you. The less you engage with him the better. Don't send him any texts saying you don't want to be his friend any more or anything like that. Simply pull away quietly and without any declarations.

I suspect you will start to feel better with him gone out of your life. It has to have been draining to listen to the stories, helping him with his homework and putting up with his oddball behaviour. You didn't say how long you've been friends with him but perhaps it's only in recent times that you've come to realise what sort of person he really is. In a few short years you'll be living a very different life to the one you have now. You'll most likely be working or at college, with a whole new set of friends and acquaintances. This guy won't even cost you a second thought sooner than you think.

I did not give any names because I have been taught by my school to not use names in conversations like this. I have been friends with this old "friend" from November 2015-February 2016. Thank you very much.

sryanbruen

February 2017*

tea and coffee

Sometimes people get a little bit fixated on others in an unhealthy way but are unaware of how this might appear to others.
It seems that the friendship is gone, so I would suggest just moving on and drawing a line under Summercamp from last year

Big Bag of Chips

There's a chance others have seen the side to him that you have. If the school was approached by his parents then they had to follow it up with you. Talking to you may be just to give you a heads up that you need to steer clear of this lad. Don't engage with him anymore. Don't reply to messages from him, or people you don't know. Don't accept requests or messages from people you do know but who suddenly have a new account.

Just basically ignore. Everything. Write off whatever money you have given him. He sounds a bit self destructive, and I'd say he'll go through life making a losing friends at a high rate. But that's not your problem. You're young, and this is possibly the biggest, most major thing to happen in your life at the moment, but in a couple of years, if you continue to stay away from him, he will just become someone you used to know in school.

Ursus Horribilis

sryanbruen wrote: »

I did not give any names because I have been taught by my school to not use names in conversations like this. I have been friends with this old "friend" from November 2015-February 2016. Thank you very much.

It's not the names that are the problem here. It's the specific details you've given us.

sryanbruen

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

It's not the names that are the problem here. It's the specific details you've given us.

I struggled not to use the names but I edited my post anyway and changed wherever it said guy, friend etc to their actual names if needed.

Ursus Horribilis

You don't get what I'm saying. Names are utterly irrelevant here. You're talking about Songschool, when it happened, who said what. You should be working on the basis that if someone from your school or family read this post, they'd guess who the people are. The same re. anyone who attended this event. This is a public forum and you've no idea who's reading.

sryanbruen

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

You don't get what I'm saying. Names are utterly irrelevant here. You're talking about Songschool, when it happened, who said what. You should be working on the basis that if someone from your school or family read this post, they'd guess who the people are. The same re. anyone who attended this event. This is a public forum and you've no idea who's reading.

Then is it not good that I have given specific details?

P.S. You're right, I am not getting what you're saying.

Stheno

sryanbruen wrote: »

Then is it not good that I have given specific details?

No. People could identify everyone involved based on what you have written

sryanbruen

Stheno wrote: »

No. People could identify everyone involved based on what you have written

Well I'm sorry, I don't know how I could not have wrote the post without being specific. I got the gist anyway, I should move on.

Taltos

MOD NOTE
OP I've removed the personally identifying elements here. They are not needed and instead could be used to further the bullying.
Normally we'd just delete the whole thread but want to work with you here to help you get some advice.

sryanbruen

Taltos wrote: »

MOD NOTE
OP I've removed the personally identifying elements here. They are not needed and instead could be used to further the bullying.
Normally we'd just delete the whole thread but want to work with you here to help you get some advice.

So you're saying I've bullied him? Ok... now I know that I'm the bully, it's time to delete the thread. If you're helping a bully then you're wasting your time.

Big Bag of Chips

You didn't need to specifically name the course you were at. It was irrelevant to the overall issue. You could have kept in general.

You could have been anyone, at any summer camp, in any part of the country. But now everyone who reads this will know what summer camp, where, when..

It might be better for future posts online to either change details completely, Or leave out the specifics. You could post about a friend who is latching on to other friends and becoming weird.

Do you know what people mean? Names are only one identifying factor. Too much specific detail can be just as identifying.

blairbear

Umm you have the names in the last paragraph. Even after editing.

sryanbruen

sryanbruen wrote: »

So you're saying I've bullied him? Ok... now I know that I'm the bully, it's time to delete the thread. If you're helping a bully then you're wasting your time.

I'm sure that's not what Taltos is saying so cool your jets. Even with the editing they've kindly done for you, your story is so detailed that someone who knows you and reads it could identify you which could lead to problems for YOU.

That being said, it's OBVIOUS that this person is no good for you and you should avoid them. While I have some sympathy for their disorders, having their parents come to school and accuse you of bullying is totally unfair.

I'm just not clear on this bit:

sryanbruen wrote: »

"A" clearly told me to not bother him in school, I wasn't planning on going near him again. I wanted to move on but I got a call from my school yesterday about this and now I don't know anymore :mad:. Should I still move on?

What are the school calling about exactly? All you need to do is give them a little background, explain that you've done nothing to hurt A and that you fully intend to leave them alone.

LegacyUser

sryanbruen wrote: »

"A" has ASD, ADD and severe anxiety disorder btw in case you're wondering.

OP - Now I'm not an expert/behavioural psychologist, but do you think perhaps the fact that "A" has ASD and ADD could have contributed to his behaviour? I know many people (not all) with ASD have trouble understanding social cues. They need to be told outright that what they're doing is making others uncomfortable rather than the societal norm of the "softly softly" approach. It's possible "A" doesn't know that he was being obsessive about this other person at the camp or that you shouldn't just go up to someone and ask them to join your group. If you're not able to deal with "A"s quirks you're well within your right to stop being friends with him but I think you also need to realise that he's wired differently to you and he just needs to learn how to negotiate social situations now that he's a teen.

sryanbruen

Deleted User wrote: »

sryanbruen wrote: »

So you're saying I've bullied him? Ok... now I know that I'm the bully, it's time to delete the thread. If you're helping a bully then you're wasting your time.

I'm sure that's not what Taltos is saying so cool your jets. Even with the editing they've kindly done for you, your story is so detailed that someone who knows you and reads it could identify you which could lead to problems for YOU.

That being said, it's OBVIOUS that this person is no good for you and you should avoid them. While I have some sympathy for their disorders, having their parents come to school and accuse you of bullying is totally unfair.

I'm just not clear on this bit:

sryanbruen wrote: »

"A" clearly told me to not bother him in school, I wasn't planning on going near him again. I wanted to move on but I got a call from my school yesterday about this and now I don't know anymore :mad:. Should I still move on?

What are the school calling about exactly? All you need to do is give them a little background, explain that you've done nothing to hurt A and that you fully intend to leave them alone.

The school called me because they hadn't a clue why his mother came in that day and since she mentioned me, the school wanted to ask me to see what's going on. We said it has nothing to do with the school so they forgot about it then and moved on.

sryanbruen

sryanbruen wrote: »

The school called me because they hadn't a clue why his mother came in that day and since she mentioned me, the school wanted to ask me to see what's going on. We said it has nothing to do with the school so they forgot about it then and moved on.

You wanted to move on and that's what you should do. From your first post it's clear that you've been direct with him, I think you've done your best here and should just get on with your own life.

While I understand he took it waaaayyy too far by creating fake accounts to get to B, this business of the friend pretending to be B's father and "break his legs off" is waaaayyy too far too and I think you're better off maintaining your distance from both of them, at least for a while.

sryanbruen

You're a bit harsh wrote: »

OP - Now I'm not an expert/behavioural psychologist, but do you think perhaps the fact that "A" has ASD and ADD could have contributed to his behaviour? I know many people (not all) with ASD have trouble understanding social cues. They need to be told outright that what they're doing is making others uncomfortable rather than the societal norm of the "softly softly" approach. It's possible "A" doesn't know that he was being obsessive about this other person at the camp or that you shouldn't just go up to someone and ask them to join your group. If you're not able to deal with "A"s quirks you're well within your right to stop being friends with him but I think you also need to realise that he's wired differently to you and he just needs to learn how to negotiate social situations now that he's a teen.

Would it make any difference if I told you that I have ASD also?

Nichololas

sryanbruen wrote: »

At the same time in SUMMERCAMP, "A" asked a random girl there named "C" (whom he barely knew, she was a totally new person to him) to join our group and that we need her, she's beautiful, she's amazing etc. Me and "C" laughed at "A" as that was laughably embarrassing. You don't just go up to a stranger you've never seen before like that now do you? Again, she said no and "A" could not take the rejection. Then he started calling her names and even nicknamed her Regina George (you know the girl from Mean Girls?).

SUMMERCAMP 2016 was an absolute disaster thanks to "A" and construction going on close by. After it was over, I sent him a message saying goodbye to him showing that I didn't want to be his friend anymore. After a few boring messages and I did not call him any names :mad:, "A" called me a retarded autistic asshole. I blocked him after that.

Your supposed friend made an awkward attempt to invite someone to join your group, and when rejected you started laughing at him with the person who rejected him ..

sryanbruen

Nichololas wrote: »

Your supposed friend made an awkward attempt to invite someone to join your group, and when rejected you started laughing at him with the person who rejected him ..

What do you expect me to do like?

Also, this just came up this week. I was talking to somebody whom we'll call D one day this week. I could see A in the corner of my eye staring at me.

The next day, A looked at my mother (sorry, I know this is giving too much way but I don't know how I'd say that without giving it away) and she gave him a raspberry. A ****ted himself and ran away then.

Is A trying to provoke me into talking to him just so I'll get into trouble? Should I continue to try to ignore him and move on or should I let my resource teacher know about this?

This is really bothering me.

Big Bag of Chips

I think you need to talk to appropriate adults around you (not your mother!) and ask their guidance. Maybe A is bothered that you were speaking to D, maybe he couldn't give a sh...!

I think you are overthinking and finding problems where there doesn't necessarily seem to be. Speak to your teachers and see if they can help you two to come to some sort of amicable agreement.

sryanbruen

My biggest problem is that A told me to leave him alone and not bother him after what happened that day in February and now he won't leave me alone doing creepy things like just staring at me.

Yes I know I'm a huge overthinker. Overthinking is probably my worst problem and why I need major help.

A does not like D so I don't think he'd be bothered that I was speaking to him.

Big Bag of Chips

Talk to your teachers.