Broken Up and Baffled

LegacyUser

I'm in my early 30s and he's in his late 20s.

We were going well for a few months and then he started to get angry at nothing, everything upset him and I was in the firing line.

I tried ending it, but he assured me he would calm down with his frustrations.

A few weeks later he breaks up with me and concluded that his reasoning was that he doesn't wish to be in a relationship. He wishes to have sex with other people, he doesn't want anything serious, just to "sow his wild oats" but he says he sees a proper partnership future with me. He hopes and sees a happy future with me.

I'm baffled mostly and think I just needed to write it all down.

Has anyone ever been through this? Does it work out?
I care deeply for him, but hard to think its mutual?

Even writing this down I'm thinking "What an A$$"

redfox123

Yes he is an ass. It will take time to get your head around it but please don't bother over analyzing, what he said was the harsh truth, (except the future part, he was tying to make you feel better but it was cruel giving you hope, he doesn't want to be with you that's all you need to know). He's not ready for a committed relationship, he knows that that's what you want and he can't offer it. In short he doesn't love you. He wouldn't have done anything like this in a million years if he did. Do not even think about getting back with him or reconciling. The red flags were there only a few months in, at least you got out sooner rather than a year or two down the line. He doesn't deserve a moment more of your time or consideration.

Lead

He wants to go sleep with other people and come back and settle down with you? Do you think you'd be able to get this thought out of your head?

Mr. Incognito

Does not compute.

Sounds like he met someone he fancies.

Wants some guilt free nasty there and to come back to you after.

Tell him to sling his hook because there'll always be another bird on the conveyor belt to sample.

njs030

He wants to keep you waiting in case he doesn't meet anyone "better". Sorry if that sounds harsh but someone who wants to be with you doesn't tell you they want to have sex with other people.

Big Bag of Chips

I think you're his safety net. He's not that happy with you, if he was he wouldn't have been getting angry and lashing out over the past while, but if he doesn't find someone else he'll come back and 'settle' for you.

As is often said here... Be someone's choice, not their option.

Don't contact him now. Don't try to get answers out of him. Make it clear that you're gone and there's no room for him to come back.

Floppybits

Sounds like a guy that has got cold feet and is not ready to settle down. You are better off cutting him loose and let him off to 'sow his oats' as you say and you move on and look for a guy that has a more mature head on their shoulders.

leggo

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Does not compute.

Sounds like he met someone he fancies.

Wants some guilt free nasty there and to come back to you after.

Tell him to sling his hook because there'll always be another bird on the conveyor belt to sample.

Yeah, this. Like his story is general, but there's something specific that caused it, I'd say he fancied someone and then started to (perhaps unknowingly) sabotage this relationship. Whether he can actually get this other person is another story. He may be back with his tail between his legs next week if that doesn't work out as he hopes.

I wouldn't be as harsh as others on him for him saying he sees a future with you. He probably thinks he means it. But, the thing is, when you like someone enough to actually go through the difficult process of forging a future together, nobody else exists. So absolutely don't go back to him now or down the line because this will likely just come up again and again.

It's a ****ty thing to happen and process, no doubt, but it could've been worse and he could've cheated behind your back and kept you hanging on with lies. At least you got and get to deal with the reality of the situation and you'll be better off in the long run doing so.

SarahMollie

Baffled123 wrote: »

A few weeks later he breaks up with me and concluded that his reasoning was that he doesn't wish to be in a relationship. He wishes to have sex with other people, he doesn't want anything serious, just to "sow his wild oats" but he says he sees a proper partnership future with me. He hopes and sees a happy future with me.

This is just the definition of selfishness.

Its one of two things.

1. He has no respect for you and places no value on your self esteem, and values you so little that he can pick you up and put you down at will.

2. He wants to break up with you but is one of those wimps who can't be definitive about it and likes to sugarcoat the break up in vague future promises.

Theres no future here OP.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses!

Everything that everyone said is true.
And I did know all this, I think I just needed the confirmation that my mind was on the right track.

After a good cry and a good sleep, I woke up feeling 100 times better. I got the usual text of apologies and promises of a better future from him and just ignored him fully.

I think I've mentally checked him off, I was getting over him romantically while with him, as he was being so needlessly angry previously.

Thanks for listening though, you guys are great Just even being able to write about it and get it outta my system really helped!