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A.Ro

Taken down

Little CuChulainn

You need to see a solicitor and probably an anger management therapist too from the sounds of it

Diablo Verde

A.Ro wrote: »

Hi I recently became a father of a baby girl she is 3 months old. I had her with a woman I had a one night stand with I was there for the start of the pregnancy but for the last few months I wasn't really around a few texts an phone calls I didn't want anything to fo with the mother an we just kept fighting not agreeing on anything. I showed up to the hospital when my daughter was born I was told I wouldn't be allowed to see her until visiting hours but just wanted to see her when I arrived at the hospital I was turned away I made a little bit of a scene but left I was just annoyed I wasn't allowed up. Her mother let me up the next day twice even allowed my parents to come up we had an argument in the hospital not agreeing again on things. She has allowed me access to my daughter when I asked at the beginning allowed my parents to visit as well all in her house doh. She eventually decided to make a better arrangement to suit us both I wanted different days an times but she said a set day an time which we decided I wanted more but she refused at the beginning but then agreed I couldn't make some visits an was late for a few weeks had a huge argument so she said her mother would be sitting in on vista as she didn't want to be alone with me anymore an only wanted to talk through text as she said I was agreesive on the phone to her I'm not a little sometimes but not a lot. I didn't like this so I applied for guardianship access an joint custody of my daughter we tired mediation which I thought was a waste of time. I told her I would drop my court case if she just gave me guardianship an access she refused I then said I wanted no more supervised visits an the mediator told her she had to come meet me alone in public with our daughter. There was a mix up an I went the wrong cafe then I arrived a little angry I found out she registered my daughter without me on the birthcert an I lost it I called we names threatened to take my daughter an destroy her life I know I shouldn't of but I was so angry. She went an got a safety an protection order against me an has filled papers for maintenance. We have a court date coming up in a month and I'm wondering if I'm fighting a losing battle I already have one child I'm not allowed have contact with an I'm afraid this will be the same thing. Can anyone help me please.

Yes. Get in touch with a solicitor.

trixychic

Little CuChulainn wrote: »

You need to see a solicitor and probably an anger management therapist too from the sounds of it

+1. Sounds like you have alot of anger which has been causing alot of problems. Maybe if you can get that sorted you can work through things in a calm way??

infogiver

You can apply for legal aid for help to get access to your children.
I'm sure you have good intentions but you do understand that you can't be left alone with a small baby when you can't control your temper
You need to go to your GP tomorrow and ask him to refer you to your local mental health services where you will get the help that you need.
This is the first step for you to make if you want to be in your children's lives.
Good luck.

super_furry

Anger seems to be a constant thread throughout everything you say.

A.Ro

I'm looking into legal aid at the moment was thinking of representing myself but maybe I won't. I don't have an anger problem I just hate that she has all the control an won't even let me say anything without shutting me down straight away. All I want is to have my child alone without her or her family interfering I'm hoping a judge sees it my way I'm looking for one over night a week an one day it's not much considering her mother had her full time she is a great mother but I'm her father I deserve to have her as well an have a say in what happens to her not just her mother. Thanks for the reply

A.Ro

infogiver wrote: »

You can apply for legal aid for help to get access to your children.
I'm sure you have good intentions but you do understand that you can't be left alone with a small baby when you can't control your temper
You need to go to your GP tomorrow and ask him to refer you to your local mental health services where you will get the help that you need.
This is the first step for you to make if you want to be in your children's lives.
Good luck.

Thanks for the advice I don't have an anger problem but she said she's gonna bring it up that I do an also she wants more maintenance as I work into the hand an get social welfare which I don't I work for getting free work on my car that's all an also she's gonna bring up I do drugs I never do anything if I know I'm going to be around my daughter I wait till after when I'm alone but I got all annoyed am scared hearing what she was going to say in court then I got the safety an protection order papers an now I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be stopped from having any contact with my daughter like my other child so I'm freaking out.

A.Ro

super_furry wrote: »

Anger seems to be a constant thread throughout everything you say.

As I'm trying to explain to everyone I don't have an anger problem she's just making it up that I do I hate being told what I can an cannot do regulating my child as she is my child. Thanks for the response but what I'm more asking for is how do I fight the safety an protection orders an if there's even a point trying or will the judge just fall for her story an not listen to me I don't wanna be kept out of this babies life like I was with my last child.

2012paddy2012

A judge will not issue a long-term protection or barring or safety order unless he or she is satisfied that such an order is necessary. That decision will be based on hearing the evidence from both sides. Any witnesses that you may have that can give evidence on your behalf should be called. That's the way the system works. You would probably be best to get a solicitor not just any but a suitable one that has experience in family law and deals with your particular type of issue.

Taltos

A.Ro wrote: »

As I'm trying to explain to everyone I don't have an anger problem she's just making it up that I do ....

A.Ro wrote: »

... I arrived a little angry I found out she registered my daughter without me on the birthcert an I lost it I called we names threatened to take my daughter an destroy her life....

OP, in fairness your opening post paints a picture that you do indeed have issues with anger. Now I'm not saying you had every right to be annoyed, but your response to your buttons being pressed here is what part of the issue is. Similarly I am guessing with your other child.

Right now with the above you are in a bad situation to be going before a judge. The advise above whether you agree or not is on point - get a qualified/experienced solicitor and get counselling, this will give you the tools to react differently and will possibly help the judge see that you recognise you have an issue and are taking constructive steps to re-learn how to deal with conflict. I'm only guessing on the above, but a legal expect will be able to advise you on the correct course here.

PopTarts

Why are you allowed no contact with your other child? Is the mother of that child saying you have anger issues too? Is she making this up too?

You really need, for the sake of your child, to sort out Your own issues first.

I'm sure your child was present when you lost it in the cafe that day and probably on the other occasions.

This is the environment that you should not want your child growing up into.

Little CuChulainn

Your own story, not hers, makes it sound like you are a drug user, a disinterested parent and someone with an anger problem. Every time you post you look worse. You need to get a solicitor and keep your mouth shut when this goes to court if you want any chance of getting any kind of official contact with your child.

Sleeper12

You both need to be able to be in the same room without fighting. You need to do this for the sake of the child.

beechwood55

You now have two children whose mothers want nothing to do with you...does that not tell you something about yourself?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Sleeper12

A.Ro wrote:

I'm looking into legal aid at the moment was thinking of representing myself but maybe I won't. I don't have an anger problem I just hate that she has all the control an won't even let me say anything without shutting me down straight away. All I want is to have my child alone without her or her family interfering I'm hoping a judge sees it my way I'm looking for one over night a week an one day it's not much considering her mother had her full time she is a great mother but I'm her father I deserve to have her as well an have a say in what happens to her not just her mother. Thanks for the reply

You need to get this straight in your mind. Women do hold most of the cards as far as children are concerned. This is a simple fact of life you need to learn. It may seem unfair but it's the way it is.
I you can't get on with the mother you might end up collecting the child at the local police station for visiting further down the road. I've seen a grandfather drop a small child to the father in a local hotel car park. Words were exchanged and they were each tugging on an arm of the child who was hysterical. It was horrible to see. It's not a way to bring up children.
You need to bite your tongue at times. Don't let it become a battle between you and the mother. You both need to put the child first

trixychic

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I agree. She made arrangements for you to see your child but you turned up late or not at all on more than one occasion. It doesn't paint a good picture.

My biological father did that alot with me as a child... I ended up having another dad. If you want to be the main male role model in this child's life it sounds like you need to look at yourself long and hard.

You have anger. You did not keep to agreements and are threatening the mum. Unless you sort all this it seems unlikely you will get anywhere.

infogiver

A.Ro wrote: »

Thanks for the advice I don't have an anger problem but she said she's gonna bring it up that I do an also she wants more maintenance as I work into the hand an get social welfare which I don't I work for getting free work on my car that's all an also she's gonna bring up I do drugs I never do anything if I know I'm going to be around my daughter I wait till after when I'm alone but I got all annoyed am scared hearing what she was going to say in court then I got the safety an protection order papers an now I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be stopped from having any contact with my daughter like my other child so I'm freaking out.

Are you saying that the mothers of both your children are wrong and you are right? You were angry with the mother of your newborn in the maternity hospital and this was her fault and not yours? You were late or even didn't show up for visitation but this is somehow not your fault either?
You admit to abusing drugs but appear to want credit for waiting for your child to leave first?
You can afford to buy recreational drugs and run a car but don't think it's fair that the mother of your child is looking for more maintenance from you?
Your displaying absolutely zero personal responsibility but you are going to ask a judge to allow you to have a tiny baby overnight. A baby who you couldn't manage to be on time for, or even show up for on the few times you've been allowed to see her in her very short life, despite the fact that you don't have a job and don't have anything else to do.
Do you have a sister OP? If a guy was behaving like this with your sister what would you think?

infogiver

Sleeper12 wrote: »

You need to get this straight in your mind. Women do hold most of the cards as far as children are concerned. This is a simple fact of life you need to learn. It may seem unfair but it's the way it is.
I you can't get on with the mother you might end up collecting the child at the local police station for visiting further down the road. I've seen a grandfather drop a small child to the father in a local hotel car park. Words were exchanged and they were each tugging on an arm of the child who was hysterical. It was horrible to see. It's not a way to bring up children.
You need to bite your tongue at times. Don't let it become a battle between you and the mother. You both need to put the child first

And sleeper12 if you read the OP it's with very good reason that the mother of the child holds all the cards. Thank God

Sleeper12

infogiver wrote:

And sleeper12 if you read the OP it's with very good reason that the mother of the child holds all the cards. Thank God

I don't disagree with you at all.

Stheno

Mod

Can posters please stick to giving the op advice rather than posting purely to comment on his person?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

musefan123

Some great advice here. But first and foremost you really need to get a solicitor for your upcoming court case. If you choose to represent yourself you are increasing the chances of the judge granting a safety order. This can last for up to 5 years! If this happens, you won't be allowed near your ex and daughter. Not a good start. And if you breach this order it will be considered a criminal offence and you can face jail time.

So while there is a lot of good advice in this thread, the first thing you need to do is do all you can to avoid a judge granting a safety order against you. The temporary protectection order that was granted has pretty much the same conditions, so make sure you don't make any contact until your court case.

Assuming the judge decides not to award a safety order, then you can look at getting your life back on track. Sort out your anger issues, find some work and kick the drugs.

Best of luck to you. At the back of it all, I get the feeling that you can be nice guy when you want to be. But just remember you need to take it 1 step at a time. There's no "easy way" to do it. There has to be an element of give and take.

Little CuChulainn

Safety orders and protection orders do not prevent you having contact with someone.

musefan123

Little CuChulainn wrote: »

Safety orders and protection orders do not prevent you having contact with someone.

I think when you don't live with the person they do prevent it. Not fully sure though. From reading it on the Citezens Advice page thats what I took it to mean.

Little CuChulainn

musefan123 wrote: »

I think when you don't live with the person they do prevent it. Not fully sure though. From reading it on the Citezens Advice page thats what I took it to mean.

No, if you don't live with them you can't watch or hang around them or the home. It's stalking behaviour that is prevented.

musefan123

Little CuChulainn wrote: »

No, if you don't live with them you can't watch or hang around them or the home. It's stalking behaviour that is prevented.

Ah yes my apologies. Thats Correct. I knew i read something along those lines but couldnt quite remember it.

My post still applies though. He needs to obey the terms and show himself to be as mature and sensible as possible.