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Poem - A Safe Distance

  • 04-03-2017 5:57pm
    #1
    harbouring hope
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    Here is a poem I wrote. It's personal, therapeutic I suppose, rather than anything else. I decided to share it as sometimes it's just nice to be heard. :o Feedback appreciated too, if anyone has any.


    A SAFE DISTANCE

    I cannot control THAT I hurt,
    But I CAN control HOW I hurt.

    Say I'm useless, worthless, weak,
    Pathetic to the core.
    Nothing I haven't told myself
    A thousand times before.

    Ridicule me, taunt me, scorn me,
    Hate me, I don't care.
    I despise myself so viciously;
    No hate YOU feel could compare.

    Bruise and break me, slam and shake me,
    Kick me to the floor.
    I'm scarred and smashed already.
    Few wounds you cause could hurt more.

    Take my body - it's not mine,
    It's tainted flesh and bone.
    Mark me, own me, in and out;
    My heart remains as stone.

    If I cannot protect myself,
    The one way through I see
    Is to disconnect - just lose myself;
    Let who I am drift free ...

    But what will become ... of ME?


Comments

  • #2
    heathledgerlove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 114 ✭✭heathledgerlove


    Great poem! I like the way it has a tight structure - the short 4 line stanzas - and yet your use of emphasis, litany and violent word-choice make it seem rather chaotic and emotionally tumultuous too.

    Stark and plan - no ambiguity here! You had a point to make and you stated it explicitly in the first 2 lines - then go on to describe the onslaughts you have suffered and how you will overcome them now. Good use of characterization - 'poet' vs. 'you' - the addressee or antagonist - to touch upon the themes of suffering from others vs. self inflicted.

    My favourite stanza would be "Take my body, It's not mine" - wonderful portrayal of disassociation, and the hurt upon the soul as opposed to the body. Here I should think the soul has been wrenched from the poor battered body - the impression I got! Good work, powerful, very effective :)


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