Life?

Nonevernomore

Hi, I think this is the correct place to put this.

I have seen similar threads to this around here and some received some helpful advice so I was hoping someone could help.

I don't know what to do with my life. I felt the same in my 20's, I had basically given up on life but I decided to put a big effort into trying to make things better. I went to my doctor, went on medication, went to counselling. I went back to college, I got employment from it, work that I really enjoyed. Got into a relationship. Everything did get better.

However, I'm now in my 30's and looking back on it and the way I currently feel I'm wondering was it all worth it. I'm just not happy and no matter what, I don't think I'll ever be happy. I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I just feel that some people are not suited to life.

I have also realised that people who say stuff like me and some people who would be described as depressed are incredibly self obsessed. It may sound harsh but it's true. So many people in the world are in a far worse off. In the grand scheme of things we have great lives.

I don't want to be a moaner, I want to be a battler who does things for themselves and everybody else to make life pleasant and enjoyable. The thing is I can't fake it, I don't enjoy meeting people, in fact I dread it. Even people I know, I never look forward to anything.

I know some people are going to advise counselling. I've done it, it doesn't work. Maybe for some people but for me it doesn't and I can't afford it anyway. Medication also doesn't work. Temporary help is all it provides. This, joining clubs, putting myself out there etc etc. I've tried it all.

Sorry about this long winded post of nonsense. I'm just looking for someone to advice something different. Not the usual stuff. Has anyone found a way to be happy? As I said I'm not suicidal, I'd never do anything like that.

I'd be grateful for any advice, even if it's to tell me I'm being a self obsessed idiot and to cop myself on. Thanks for reading.

Wesser

I think you need learn how to be content with the small things in life. Life is not about big waves it's about small ripples. Enjoying simple things like a good book , a nice meal , being close to nature , practicing mindfullness. Having something nice to look forward to. I think you should try and enrol in a mindfullness course.

Nonevernomore

Wesser wrote: »

I think you need learn how to be content with the small things in life. Life is not about big waves it's about small ripples. Enjoying simple things like a good book , a nice meal , being close to nature , practicing mindfullness. Having something nice to look forward to. I think you should try and enrol in a mindfullness course.

Thanks for your advice. Yes I should concentrate on small things and get more interests. I'm not going to just reject things out of hand but I really don't think mindfullness is for me. I did similar things they'll do in counselling and I found it to be relaxing at the time but of no real benefit. Also the cost of it can be quite high. Thanks very much for your suggestions.

Big Bag of Chips

Not everyone is the life and soul of the room. Some people just hate the thoughts of meeting people. You sound like an introvert, and maybe you just have to accept that that's who you are. I know these days it is very difficult to feel contented with the simple life when we're inundated with pictures of gangs of people socialising in pubs, or on holidays a few times a year etc.

There's nothing to say that you have to live that life. It sounds like you did all the things that you thought you should do, to become a person that other people think you should be. I know it sounds patronising, and I don't mean it to be, but try to become happy in your own skin. It's so refreshing when you meet someone who doesn't fit in to societies views of how we all should be living and yet are completely content and confident in the way they live their lives.

You must have some interest. Something that you find mildly enjoyable to do? Be that reading, gaming, walking, drawing, knitting, playing Candy Crush!! Whatever. So long as you are happy and your choices aren't hurting or affecting others, then who cares?!

Airyfairy12

If you dont like meeting people then dont meet them, it's fine. I think you could do with practicing gratitude, its the little things in life that are the most important.

Nonevernomore

Thanks for your replies.

The thing is I can't go through life not meeting people. I didn't point it out but I have social anxiety. What I'm saying is that I've tried everything to cure it but for some people it's incurable.

I do have interests and I don't get jealous of other people's lives and I do show gratitude. I'm just wondering about other people in my situation. People who did all the medication/counselling etc etc and found none of it worked. How do you cope with it? Did you find any other methods of dealing with it?

zoobizoo

The way I got over social anxiety when I went travelling on my own where I was forced to meet loads of people and it was do or die

The more people I met, the easier it became.

Have you ever read The Feeling Good Handbook?

There are some good exercises in there to help you overcome such issues

Airyfairy12

Nonevernomore wrote: »

Thanks for your replies.

The thing is I can't go through life not meeting people. I didn't point it out but I have social anxiety. What I'm saying is that I've tried everything to cure it but for some people it's incurable.

I do have interests and I don't get jealous of other people's lives and I do show gratitude. I'm just wondering about other people in my situation. People who did all the medication/counselling etc etc and found none of it worked. How do you cope with it? Did you find any other methods of dealing with it?

I have social anxiety too, I was on medication for awhile but it just made me drowsy and didnt do anything to stop the anxiety, I also found counselling useless, ive been to 4 different counsellors and not one of them offered CBT or offered any sort of treatment plan, id have been better off speaking to my cat, atleast id save money. It was like running a treadmill, getting nowhere, I always left sessions feeling more hopeless and like there's no help. It's really frustrating.

I wouldnt give up just yet, social anxiety is treatable, lots of people have learned how to cope with it. Any coping mechanisms ive found helpful ive discovered through my own research online. Things like grounding, if I get really overwhelmed its a great distraction or if I get really nervous in a situation I try to focus on those feelings and talk myself through them, it helps sometimes but not everytime.

Ive probably said this a million times on this forum but research a counselor before you make an appointment with them,make sure theyre qualified to atleast a masters and they have experience working with social anxiety. Allot of counsellors are poorly qualified and inexperienced, theyre grand for people with temporary problems that just need a chat but useless for mental health problems and long term mental illness, you dont need many qualifications to be a qualified counsellor and unfortunately they take on people as patients that they have no business treating.
Someone properly qualified and experienced will cost allot more money but you might only need about 6 -8 sessions. A good counsellor will come up with a treatment plan and have goals set out, they might give you homework too and try different types of therapy.

Could you save up a bit of money every week then when you have enough start seeing someone that can help. rather than forking out 100 euro every week that you might not be able to afford?

Nonevernomore

zoobizoo wrote: »

The way I got over social anxiety when I went travelling on my own where I was forced to meet loads of people and it was do or die

The more people I met, the easier it became.

Have you ever read The Feeling Good Handbook?

There are some good exercises in there to help you overcome such issues

Thanks for the suggestions, I haven't read that book. Have been planning too. Glad to hear you got over your social anxiety, does it ever come back on occasions?

Nonevernomore

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I have social anxiety too, I was on medication for awhile but it just made me drowsy and didnt do anything to stop the anxiety, I also found counselling useless, ive been to 4 different counsellors and not one of them offered CBT or offered any sort of treatment plan, id have been better off speaking to my cat, atleast id save money. It was like running a treadmill, getting nowhere, I always left sessions feeling more hopeless and like there's no help. It's really frustrating.

I wouldnt give up just yet, social anxiety is treatable, lots of people have learned how to cope with it. Any coping mechanisms ive found helpful ive discovered through my own research online. Things like grounding, if I get really overwhelmed its a great distraction or if I get really nervous in a situation I try to focus on those feelings and talk myself through them, it helps sometimes but not everytime.

Ive probably said this a million times on this forum but research a counselor before you make an appointment with them,make sure theyre qualified to atleast a masters and they have experience working with social anxiety. Allot of counsellors are poorly qualified and inexperienced, theyre grand for people with temporary problems that just need a chat but useless for mental health problems and long term mental illness, you dont need many qualifications to be a qualified counsellor and unfortunately they take on people as patients that they have no business treating.
Someone properly qualified and experienced will cost allot more money but you might only need about 6 -8 sessions. A good counsellor will come up with a treatment plan and have goals set out, they might give you homework too and try different types of therapy.

Could you save up a bit of money every week then when you have enough start seeing someone that can help. rather than forking out 100 euro every week that you might not be able to afford?

Thanks, I agree with you. Finding a good counselor can be very difficult. I really can't afford it right now and too be honest, I'm scared of wasting a lot of money again!

I just looked up grounding. I might try some of that stuff. I've done breathing techniques and things like that in the past but they didn't really work.

I look up google a lot too. Some stuff is just a waste of time but as you say, it's about finding the little things that work.

Thanks for your post.

zoobizoo

Nonevernomore wrote: »

Thanks for the suggestions, I haven't read that book. Have been planning too. Glad to hear you got over your social anxiety, does it ever come back on occasions?

At times but I've learned not to feel that I am the centre of attention or feel that others are judging me.

So I don't really feel nervous before entering a bar, cafe, restaurant or when meeting new people.

The more people you meet, the more you realise that you'll get on really well with a small percentage (as in make a great friend), you'll get on well with most people (be able to chat, small talk, have a laugh with) and there will be people you just won't build rapport with (not blaming yourself because you aren't able to have a decent conversation)

zoobizoo

What do you get pleasure from?

Having a decent coffee?
Watching a good movie?
The Feeling of sun on your skin?

fizzypish

Your not alone. Do all the right things and you still end up hollow. Honestly the only thing I ever came up with is distraction. Concentrate on the small things like running or chess or mechanics or whatever. Find something that holds your interest.

pilly

I think there's a great pressure nowadays to feel "happy" when in fact most of life is mundane normal humdrum stuff.

I sometimes feel like you OP and wonder "what's it all about?" really but then remember times in my life when I genuinely felt great and thought there'll be more times like that and in between there'll be the normal humdrum.

Acceptance of that has brought me a kind of contentment.

zoobizoo

Nonevernomore wrote: »

I don't know what to do with my life. I felt the same in my 20's, I had basically given up on life but I decided to put a big effort into trying to make things better. I went to my doctor, went on medication, went to counselling. I went back to college, I got employment from it, work that I really enjoyed. Got into a relationship. Everything did get better.

However, I'm now in my 30's and looking back on it and the way I currently feel I'm wondering was it all worth it. I'm just not happy and no matter what, I don't think I'll ever be happy. I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I just feel that some people are not suited to life.

Hey OP,

in your 20s you went to your doctor, went on medication and went to a counselor which enabled you to go back to college, get a job you liked, get a partner and improved everything for you.

Sounds like the doctor/medication/counselor combination really worked for you in the past.


Times change, we get older, start looking at life a bit differently etc.. you had different outlook in your 20s (want to get an education, job, partner) and now in your 30s you are asking different questions (what's it all about)... and that's natural.

I'd recommend going back to your doctor