Cave Canem

Roger Mellie Man on the Telly

Which canine should I buy to best deter miscreants from tea-leafing my expensive possessions?

Mrs Mellie favours a Doberman Pinscher, but I'm not convinced.

aaronjumper

Get a tiny poodle but teach it kung fu.

Jack the Stripper

If your living in a housing estate buy a goldfish.

corner of hells

Jack Russell , you can tie him to a brush handle and use him as a javelin with teeth.

Stigura

Got the best damn 'Deterrent' Dog I've ever owned here, right now, Roger.

When the bugger's out on his chain, silently running up and down; the guy who comes out of the red Transit at my gate, stinking of cologne and hair gel, always fixes his eyes on the Dog. He'll address me. But, his eyes never leave that Dog. Never.

It always goes the same way: " Would ye like to buy a chain saw, boss? ..... Could ye use any gates? ..... I have a power wash ..... What sort of Dog Is That, Boss?! "

I just give that hard, knowing smile that never reaches my eyes. The one that says: " Your worst f**king nightmare, sunshine! "

F**kers never come back. Not had a 'Roving Salesman' come near me in years now. They know.

The_Valeyard

Get a monkey.


Train it to use knives. Or compose literature while smoking.

CFlat

A big black one. Scumbags hate big black dogs. Any make.

Widdershins

It doesn't matter as long as it's loud. They don't even need to see the dog. If they hear the barking when they set foot inside your garden their imagination will go into overdrive..especially if they have nefarious intentions.

Glenster

Just move past the need for ostentatious shows of wealth.

Divest yourself of the possessions that shackle you to this plane of the mundane and embrace the nobility of Nirodha, or freedom from the unquenchable thirst of materialism.

Then you will have no need of a guard dog.

aaronjumper

Widdershins wrote: »

It doesn't matter as long as it's loud. They don't even need to see the dog. If they hear the barking when they set foot inside your garden their imagination will go into overdrive..especially if they have nefarious intentions.

You could just record a dog barking and set it to play on repeat any time you're leaving the house.

Your Face

Leave the wife outside.

Riddle101

Roger Mellie Man on the Telly wrote: »

Which canine should I buy to best deter miscreants from tea-leafing my expensive possessions?

Mrs Mellie favours a Doberman Pinscher, but I'm not convinced.

Your wife has good taste in dogs. I'd go with the Doberman too. One of the best dogs ever. Although i'd probably go with the classic German Shepard myself.

Pinch Flat

Riddle101 wrote: »

Your wife has good taste in dogs. I'd go with the Doberman too. One of the best dogs ever. Although i'd probably go with the classic German Shepard myself.

Is is not an urban legend though that a German shepherd will not kill someone whereas a Doberman will? I'd prefer the Doberman - do the job properly.

bazza1

Rhodesian Ridgeback.....with a Glock:D

Widdershins

Do you only want to intimidate or do you want an actual attack dog? If the latter I'd go with an Alsation as they are the classic dog for training up for all sorts of things like that.

If you want to scare the bejebus out of people, a Wolfhound.

My name is URL

Widdershins wrote: »

Do you only want to intimidate or do you want an actual attack dog? If the latter I'd go with an Alsation as they are the classic dog for training up for all sorts of things like that.

If you want to scare the bejebus out of people, a Wolfhound.

Having come from a family that owned a few of those through the years, your advice is crap :pac:

They're the most docile yokes imaginable (when cared for properly) and in my experience rather than scaring people they act as magnets for them.

Their sheer size might scare some kids and those with a general fear of dogs but that's about it. Most people would find a loud terrier to be more scary than an aloof wolfhound.

Yamanoto

Belgian Shepherds are great dogs

Less hip problems than their German cousins too.

Stigura

I have this to the side of my door. Ye can't see it till ye stood there.

ScumLord

Leaving a dog on it's own to protect a property may not work out as expected. Dogs can be just as afraid of strangers entering a property as a person. They often bark and bite out of fear and unless they're trained to attack they may just make friends with whoever breaks in. Especially if they're a socialised dog.

Whenever you see dogs guarding a property there's usually a few of them to inspire courage.

Many pedigree breeds are getting so inbred these days they're health is a big issue. You may have a good guard dog for 2-4 years and then a patient for the next 10. So if you do get a dog for protection just get a mongrel or two. Often healthier and smarter than their blue blood cousins.

peasant

If you want blood and injured people in your driveway, get a Fila Brasiliero.

If you actually want to have a life in your own house get any medium sized dog that you (and your wife) can still easily handle, reward it for barking at strangers and teach it to be quiet on demand.

(and don't get a Belgian Shepherd unless you want to make exercising and training your dog your whole life)

Widdershins

My name is URL wrote: »

Having come from a family that owned a few of those through the years, your advice is crap :pac:

They're the most docile yokes imaginable (when cared for properly) and in my experience rather than scaring people they act as magnets for them.

Their sheer size might scare some kids and those with a general fear of dogs but that's about it. Most people would find a loud terrier to be more scary than an aloof wolfhound.

Yes they are docile and lovely dogs all around. I meant their sheer size. I have seen a man walk rapidly backwards out of the gate when he saw mine. People are undoubtedly afraid of them in my experience.

Widdershins

ScumLord wrote: »

Leaving a dog on it's own to protect a property may not work out as expected. Dogs can be just as afraid of strangers entering a property as a person. They often bark and bite out of fear and unless they're trained to attack they may just make friends with whoever breaks in. Especially if they're a socialised dog.

Whenever you see dogs guarding a property there's usually a few of them to inspire courage.

Many pedigree breeds are getting so inbred these days they're health is a big issue. You may have a good guard dog for 2-4 years and then a patient for the next 10. So if you do get a dog for protection just get a mongrel or two. Often healthier and smarter than their blue blood cousins.

Yes sadly that is the case with Wolfhounds, or mine, anyway. I don't expect to have him for much longer You would want to be very committed to take on a pure bred dog.

DEFTLEFTHAND

corner of hells wrote: »

Jack Russell , you can tie him to a brush handle and use him as a javelin with teeth.

They are actually good guard dogs in a way. My one does an awful lot of yapping if anybody he doesn't recognise comes onto the property.

When not a physical threat I'm sure his noisy presence is off putting to any potential burglars.

elperello

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

They are actually good guard dogs in a way. My one does an awful lot of yapping if anybody he doesn't recognise comes onto the property.

When not a physical threat I'm sure his noisy presence is off putting to any potential burglars.

Right there.
In my experience cycling or walking in rural areas it's always the little dogs who raise the alarm. Then the big dog ambles around the corner of the house to see what the fuss is about.

ScumLord

elperello wrote: »

Right there.
In my experience cycling or walking in rural areas it's always the little dogs who raise the alarm. Then the big dog ambles around the corner of the house to see what the fuss is about.

Terriers are working dogs that have gone through a more natural and healthy breeding process over a much longer time to be pest control animals on farms. They're fearless and aggressive, because they needed to be fighting rats. Now they have no work to do and undergo some of the worst type of selective breeding, making them smaller and smaller. They've become a fashion accessory hand bag dog with the temperament of a killing machine. They're just doing what we intended for them to do, they just have no outlet for it anymore.

peasant

The only problem with smaller dogs (Terriers) is that they bark at everything...exceptional or not.
So you have the choice of either constantly checking why the f** dog is barking AGAIN...or have your stuff stolen from your yard under the watchful bark of your annoying little Terrier

elperello

Agreed, terriers are great little workers.

Still lots of them doing the business in rural areas though a lot of town terriers have settled down to a more relaxed pace of life.

Speaking of redundancy in the canine world, the last wolf in Ireland was killed over 200 years ago which probably explains why an Irish Wolfhound is more likely to lick a burglar to death than bite him.

My name is URL

elperello wrote: »

Agreed, terriers are great little workers.

Still lots of them doing the business in rural areas though a lot of town terriers have settled down to a more relaxed pace of life.

Speaking of redundancy in the canine world, the last wolf in Ireland was killed over 200 years ago which probably explains why an Irish Wolfhound is more likely to lick a burglar to death than bite him.

I wouldn't go that far. They're sight hounds so more likely to just take what's happening in rather than make a big loud fuss about it, which is why they don't make very good watch dogs.

I'm sure a burglar would be put off by the sight of one, and wolfhounds will attack if they feel threatened. They don't often feel threatened by humans though. Even if it's a scumbag climbing the back fence, they're as likely to just look at what's going on as they are to attack or start barking ferociously.

Wolfhounds aren't a particularly friendly breed. They won't just approach strangers and seek affection. They're standoffish and weary. 2 traits you definitely don't want in a watch or guard dog!

I've a 7 month old terrier-collie mix and she's a great little watchdog

Widdershins

My name is URL wrote: »

I wouldn't go that far. They're sight hounds so more likely to just take what's happening in rather than make a big loud fuss about it, which is why they don't make very good watch dogs.

I'm sure a burglar would be put off by the sight of one, and wolfhounds will attack if they feel threatened. They don't often feel threatened by humans though. Even if it's a scumbag climbing the back fence, they're as likely to just look at what's going on as they are to attack or start barking ferociously.

Wolfhounds aren't a particularly friendly breed. They won't just approach strangers and seek affection. They're standoffish and weary. 2 traits you definitely don't want in a watch or guard dog!

I've a 7 month old terrier-collie mix and she's a great little watchdog

They can move when they want to..but would they want to..burglars mightn't taste as nice as rabbits

...And Justice

You need the dogs with the bee's in their mouths, so when they bite you, they chew bee's at you.-Homer Simpson.

Graces7

Widdershins wrote: »

It doesn't matter as long as it's loud. They don't even need to see the dog. If they hear the barking when they set foot inside your garden their imagination will go into overdrive..especially if they have nefarious intentions.

Agree totally Get a loud barker and leave the rest to them... My wee dog barks to split the ears and no one ever sees her. The sound is enough.. Had one workman refuse to come in unless the dogs were out in the field. " I don't want to get et.."

Even better, get one of those devices that emits loud barking on approach.

Add a sign on the gate or door, " we have dogs"

One place I lived there was a cockerel used to attack intruders, and geese are great too.

Widdershins

Graces7 wrote: »

Agree totally Get a loud barker and leave the rest to them... My wee dog barks to split the ears and no one ever sees her. The sound is enough.. Had one workman refuse to come in unless the dogs were out in the field. " I don't want to get et.."

Even better, get one of those devices that emits loud barking on approach.

Add a sign on the gate or door, " we have dogs"

One place I lived there was a cockerel used to attack intruders, and geese are great too.

My Wolfhound has an extremely deep, booming bark, so that could be another reason why people are wary of him. A cacophony of barking will put anyone off though, and they won't know or think too much about the breed.

Yes! I have heard of Guard Geese. This article even makes recommendations for the best breeds and how to train them

''Chinese geese have the temperament of loyal watchdogs. African geese can also make good guard geese. Both are confident, large and imposing to strangers.''

https://www.cuteness.com/article/use-goose-home-security

whisky_galore

Stigura wrote: »

Got the best damn 'Deterrent' Dog I've ever owned here, right now, Roger.

When the bugger's out on his chain, silently running up and down; the guy who comes out of the red Transit at my gate, stinking of cologne and hair gel, always fixes his eyes on the Dog. He'll address me. But, his eyes never leave that Dog. Never.

It always goes the same way: " Would ye like to buy a chain saw, boss? ..... Could ye use any gates? ..... I have a power wash ..... What sort of Dog Is That, Boss?! "

I just give that hard, knowing smile that never reaches my eyes. The one that says: " Your worst f**king nightmare, sunshine! "

F**kers never come back. Not had a 'Roving Salesman' come near me in years now. They know.

D'ya like dags?

Graces7

Widdershins wrote: »

My Wolfhound has an extremely deep, booming bark, so that could be another reason why people are wary of him. A cacophony of barking will put anyone off though, and they won't know or think too much about the breed.

Yes! I have heard of Guard Geese. This article even makes recommendations for the best breeds and how to train them

''Chinese geese have the temperament of loyal watchdogs. African geese can also make good guard geese. Both are confident, large and imposing to strangers.''

https://www.cuteness.com/article/use-goose-home-security

I had three Chinese geese. Watched them and came to the awareness that geese are short sighted. They see movement at a distance and see it as threat. I handraised a gosling and he used to walk right into my legs before he realised I was there.

People used to ask was I not afraid of them when they came racing at me, wings outstretched and noisy, but as I said there are things in this life I am scared of but not a goose full of hot air. A clout with an empty food bucket did wonders and you only have to show you are boss once.

Used to have to escort visitors to and from the gate...

The eggs are delicious too...

Graces7

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Is is not an urban legend though that a German shepherd will not kill someone whereas a Doberman will? I'd prefer the Doberman - do the job properly.

Great idea; end up in court and the dog is put down.. :eek: That goes for injury too; been cases where burglars have successfully sued dog owners. Yep, while they were robbing. In the Uk you can be sued for having a BEWARE OF THE DOG sign up as it shows you know your dog is dangerous.

WE HAVE DOGS is fine and not sure re TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN Maybe if no dog image on the sign.

Graces7

peasant wrote: »

The only problem with smaller dogs (Terriers) is that they bark at everything...exceptional or not.
So you have the choice of either constantly checking why the f** dog is barking AGAIN...or have your stuff stolen from your yard under the watchful bark of your annoying little Terrier

Mine is good; a russet ie bassett JRT mix ( rescued) .. If someone stops at the gate but does not linger, there is the low key geiger counter effect. If they linger or wait? Full barking ( gate is locked always as am in sheep country and no way will dog be out alone)

Earlier today, full barking and no one there when I finally got downstairs, so maybe she scared someone off.

Actually the cats alert me more than she does; however fast asleep they are , ears go up and forward

Graces7

Widdershins wrote: »

Do you only want to intimidate or do you want an actual attack dog? If the latter I'd go with an Alsation as they are the classic dog for training up for all sorts of things like that.

If you want to scare the bejebus out of people, a Wolfhound.

Mine snarls if they get too close.. . I would be terrified of her if I did not know her. A ferocious deep throated snarl, showing all her lovely white teeth...

She did it once when my lls kids were the other side of the gate, safe.. Wee lad stared then called ,"BOLD BOY!" a phrase he apparently had good cause to know..