Partner " just not into me"

Sora

I love my partner, but... I know I'm not gorgeous anymore like a young won. But he is always so much more attracted by others. He says he loves me but.. always searching for sexy young girls he used to know on fb ,or fantasising to his mates about other girls fancing him. As soon as he sees anyone attractive he has to mention it to me, as if hes trying to hint at me to magicaly transform myself into something better.
I'm 30 plus. I have kids. I really don't have time for this ****.
I wouldnt really care but it really is effecting sex for me, I feel like I'm just a box, for who he really wants to be with.
This triggers alot of emotions, from multible rapes e.t.c as a teenager.
We've been togeather years but....

Do I end it?

Tokyo

The first question that needs to be answered is how much of this has your husband actually stated to you, vs how much of this is how you perceive things to be? I'm not trying to provide absolution for your partner here, just that there's a world of difference between a partner who genuinely doesn't care about you, and one who us just being completely insensitive, in terms of whether the relationship is salvageable or not.

Have you spoken to your partner about this? How did he respond?

Airyfairy12

Unfortunately a lot of men are this way, they have stupidly high standards for women yet theyre not anything special themselves. Theyre always looking for something else and never happy with what they have.
It basically comes down to shallowness and viewing women as nothing more than sexual objects or trophies to wear on their arm.
I think its really important that you focus on you, your wants, needs and feelings, are you willing to put your self worth and self esteem to the side for the sake of being in a relationship?

Breaking up is hard to do but eventually you get over it and increase your self worth in the process, you'll never be happy by staying in a relationship that makes you feel like youre not appreciated or worse still, not good enough.

batmanrobin

I'm sorry that you were raped, OP. Have you ever gone to counselling for that? Was the person(s) responsive ever brought to justice? Is your husband aware of what happened to you?

Don't underestimate the effect something like that can have on you, especially if it's never been dealt with. Issues from that could be colouring your judgement. Is it possible you might be projecting your own issues onto your husband and its magnifying his behaviour? You say he's talked about fantasies with his friends? Were you present for those conversations? Or did he tell you about them? If he's saying all of this in front of you, it's definitely time for a sit down.

I would advise though that you speak to someone about what happened to you when you were younger, if you haven't already.

Taltos

Mod Note
Airyfairy12, please read our charter. Lazy mass generalisations are not welcome here and will result in mod action.