Too much communication between them?!! Feeling like something is off!.

pam01

My boyfriend which is in his mid 30s and I which have been together for almost 3 years, has been communicating with a girl(27) that he calls a friend that he knows from some time ago and supposedly knows her family as well, as far as I know, he's been talking on and off to her the whole time of him and I being together these 3 years, she lives in a different state than him and I do (my bf and I are currently studying abroad in latin america),so she is far away.but but she does live close to the state that my bf is originally from.

When him and I started dating I remember he talked about this girl a few times and he couldn't understand certain things surrounding her and her marital issues/Problems and he tried helping her and still does, I did not care at that time very much to be honest, but in the back of my head I was like yeah ok whatever, but several months, I do recall this creating certain doubts in me, and questioning myself of who is this guy really and what's his past!

So recently we were together and he was telling me that she had contacted him, because she is going trough some ''rough'' issues and he needed to help her because it was serious( supposedly she wanted to suicide cause she was not happy and is in a toxic relationship with her husband, so my bf told me she comes and goes looking for his advice or when she has problems, he seems very connected to her and My thoughts are: 1-This girl is either using him as an emotional dishrag and he likes it for some reason 2-the most obvious she is an ex lover and there is an ulterior motive behind all of this chit chat, or 3- there is something more to this that he is not telling me. what do you think?

BetsyEllen

I vote number 1 also but with a little of number 3 in there - why is he so attached when he hasn't seen her in 3 years?

At least I think he hasn't seen her in 3 years, your post doesn't specify this.

Guy Sajer

BetsyEllen wrote: »

I vote number 1 also but with a little of number 3 in there - why is he so attached when he hasn't seen her in 3 years?

At least I think he hasn't seen her in 3 years, your post doesn't specify this.

Because they live in different countries?? Perhaps due to whatever circumstance they can't meet up in person anymore. I've had close friends move abroad but they are no less as good a friends as if they just live next door. It just means less time in each others company or harder to arrange to meet

OP I think you are being jealous. Friends help other friends out and it reads like they were friends before you met.
I don't see why you can jump to a conclusion that they are ex lovers? Unless there is more to the story that you know of.

I don't see the problem here.

leggo

I don't know if there's much you can do OP. I think there's a line with friends and, when you're with someone, you can spot the million little micro-signals that suggest someone is more invested in a friend than they're letting on, so I wouldn't write it off as plain jealousy either because your gut can be right sometimes.

But here's the thing: do you want to leave him over it? If not, then this is the way it is. He's friends with her and you've no evidence to suggest he's been anything but honest with you about it. So that's your only choice unless something else emerges: like it or leave it.

Tramore Tilly

I go with hidden option 4:- he's mates with this girl and is being a fairly decent mate trying to be a support to her during a fairly difficult time she seems to be going through. You say it's serious enough that she's contemplating suicide and you see that as using your boyfriend as an emotional dish rag? That's a bit extreme.

You seem to have the full facts of their relationship, more than is given here, so I think you have to decide can you handle him being friends with this woman, without jealousies or insecurities and without it becoming an issue in your relationship? If so, great. If no, I'm not sure what you can do. You can't tell him to cut contact with a friend he's had in his life long before your relationship.

Xterminator

yep, option 4 for me too.

Mr. Incognito

Do you trust your bf ???