Text from the ghosted ex

Glasscandy

Hey everyone

Just what to see what people's opinions are on this as I think the advice people give here is sound. I will drag the story out, I'll make it concise. An ex who split up with me nearly two years ago now wished me a nice happy birthday message through text. The break up was sad, but wasn't dramatic at all. I was very hurt because she ended it but I respected her decision and asked her not to contact me, she did so, I had one drunken missed call off her one night which I ignored. Other than that we have had zero contact. I replied to the birthday text and said thank you etc and we exchanged a couple of texts and left it at that. Do you think it was just a birthday text or something more? I didn't even know she knew my birthday, I'm not on Facebook etc

Reati

Glasscandy wrote: »

Hey everyone

Just what to see what people's opinions are on this as I think the advice people give here is sound. I will drag the story out, I'll make it concise. An ex who split up with me nearly two years ago now wished me a nice happy birthday message through text. The break up was sad, but wasn't dramatic at all. I was very hurt because she ended it but I respected her decision and asked her not to contact me, she did so, I had one drunken missed call off her one night which I ignored. Other than that we have had zero contact. I replied to the birthday text and said thank you etc and we exchanged a couple of texts and left it at that. Do you think it was just a birthday text or something more? I didn't even know she knew my birthday, I'm not on Facebook etc

Jumping the root of it. Do you want her back or a friendship? If not why does it matter.

Glasscandy

Yes, I still have feelings for her. My feelings never changed for her. I surpressed them, and buried them really. I wasn't expecting to hear from her at all so this has now brought my feelings back to the forefront. I know I shouldn't probably read into it but can't help it.

Liamario

Glasscandy wrote: »

Yes, I still have feelings for her. My feelings never changed for her. I surpressed them, and buried them really. I wasn't expecting to hear from her at all so this has now brought my feelings back to the forefront. I know I shouldn't probably read into it but can't help it.

I think you're reading too much into it.

Pawwed Rig

I wouldn't read anything into it and I would move on with my life.

Glasscandy

Thanks guys, ya, yee are probably right 😊

Ursus Horribilis

She probably thought that after 2 years, you'd be over her and that a nice text wouldn't hurt. Cutting contact after a break-up is what we always advise here because it helps people get over their ex more quickly. But it's also quite a harsh thing if you think about it - you're being told to completely cut contact with a person you still like and care for. That text could have been her way of ending the radio silence and to normalise things in her mind.

I certainly wouldn't read anything into her remembering your birthday. Some people are surprisingly good at retaining that sort of information and don't need Facebook to remind them.

Glasscandy

Thanks Ursus, I know I'm reading too much into it and what you say makes sense. Just wish she hadn't messaged me because it only dredged up old feelings. Again I will move on and forget😊

Ursus Horribilis

Would you think about blocking her number? That way, you'll not be getting any more messages from her? It would also draw a final line under this.

Glasscandy

Hey Ursus
Umm to be honest I would feel bad blocking her number because she is a good person. I won't go into the details too much of the relationship. But I basically met her a few weeks after she came out of a super long term relationship. We did have genuine feelings for was he other and she said that if she met me at a later time it would be different. She never told me to wait for her and I basically told her that she needed to deal with that and then move on from me and when she would text me a few weeks after the break up I told her to never contact me again as she needed to do it on her own. I know that she did have deep feelings for me but it was pretty much the wrong time for us to me. We never fought and there was only nothing but respect on both sides. Even though I probably should have been angry I never was because she is a great person.

LegacyUser

For a start don't delete or block her number, that could be something you might seriously regret.
Leave it for now, maybe reciprocate the birthday wishes when its her birthday and see what happens.
Sometimes the time is not right for a relationship, for whatever reason. But who is to say that it cannot turn out perfectly fine later.
You do only live once, and it can be short. If you feel strong enough to handle that it may come to nothing why not make contact and find out.

Mr. Incognito

Why dont you ring her up and ask her out ?

BoredFan

Every situation is different- however, She ended it with you, if she is a 'nice' person as you say this is , sending meaningless texts (happy birthday text after two years sounds nice but is meaningless), its nonsense from a person who dumped you when you asked her not to contact you, however far down the road isn't on. These breadcrumbs are nearly always attention seeking at best, or worse , just cruel.


I think in the case you described its probably attention seeking. However you don't know. If someone has dumped you, and then wants to get back with you they will if they are an adult, and not an attention seeker make it clear, very quickly.

The way these things pan out is you reply then maybe at most she might send one back then she's vanished again.. It can be really annoying. I don't think there is malicious intention here, its just the way some people are in thinking a little text won't do any harm.
It was something more - it was attention seeking IGNORE!

Glasscandy

Thanks for all the advice. Well for me if I had broken up with someone etc and really wanted them back I would let them know. I know everyone is different but as you say these 'breadcrumb' messages don't really mean anything, again I will put her out of my mind.

Tokyo

It doesn't really matter what her reasons for contacting you were - whether she was looking for attention, or drunkenly messaging you, or simply reaching out because she felt enough time had elapsed - the fact is that you aren't over it, in terms of the hurt caused.

Until you truly are over it, then opening the book on the past is just going to drag up old feelings, and old resentments. You don't have to go to the extreme of blocking numbers or social media, but for now it might be better to take it at face value, and move on with your life. Maybe in the future you will be at a point where you can exchange pleasantries with this person without dragging up old feelings, but today's not the day.

Rekop dog

I don't get the title! Who has ghosted who? You told her not to contact you.
Also I'd tend to see 'never fighting' as a lack of passion or one party not caring enough in a relationship, never understand people who use it as a stamp of how good the relationship was. There's a reason she ended it and I doubt it's because she wasn't ready tbh, more she wasn't that into you.

Gavinz

Glasscandy wrote: »

Hey everyone

Just what to see what people's opinions are on this as I think the advice people give here is sound. I will drag the story out, I'll make it concise. An ex who split up with me nearly two years ago now wished me a nice happy birthday message through text. The break up was sad, but wasn't dramatic at all. I was very hurt because she ended it but I respected her decision and asked her not to contact me, she did so, I had one drunken missed call off her one night which I ignored. Other than that we have had zero contact. I replied to the birthday text and said thank you etc and we exchanged a couple of texts and left it at that. Do you think it was just a birthday text or something more? I didn't even know she knew my birthday, I'm not on Facebook etc

Ignore it. Mature option.

Tell her to **** off. Immature option.

GuessWhoEh

Glasscandy wrote: »

Hey everyone

Just what to see what people's opinions are on this as I think the advice people give here is sound. I will drag the story out, I'll make it concise. An ex who split up with me nearly two years ago now wished me a nice happy birthday message through text. The break up was sad, but wasn't dramatic at all. I was very hurt because she ended it but I respected her decision and asked her not to contact me, she did so, I had one drunken missed call off her one night which I ignored. Other than that we have had zero contact. I replied to the birthday text and said thank you etc and we exchanged a couple of texts and left it at that. Do you think it was just a birthday text or something more? I didn't even know she knew my birthday, I'm not on Facebook etc

Personally I would ignore it. After two years and texts you on your birthday, seems to me she just wanted attention and knew if she text you, you would respond back. It would be a different story if she text you a few weeks after the break up, then fair enough but 2 years. Cop on.

Glasscandy

Hey Guesswho
From here on in she will be ignored for sure. I was polite and responded but I know she is probably looking for an ego boost or something like that.

amtc

I quite often think of my exs in their birthdays. My birthday means a lot to me, one shares it, and one shares my grandmother's so date in my mind. I don't text. But I do send thoughts.

I have one ex...Wasn't serious...and it's a standing joke that I am first person to send him birthday wishes and he me despite it being 15 years and both of us well moved in. Funny thing is my current guy I got his birthday wrong twice!

If you have feelings still it may be as well to ignore or bite bullet and ring...what have you got to lose?

Dr Crayfish

amtc wrote: »

I don't text. But I do send thoughts.

Are you the world's first telepathic person?
OP, wouldn't be surprised if she's split with some new bloke, that's when exes often send feelers out wanting to know someone cares about them. Ignore the text. You say she had "deep feelings" for you but only she knows how she felt about you. If they were that deep she wouldn't have dumped you!

njs030

amtc wrote: »

I quite often think of my exs in their birthdays. My birthday means a lot to me, one shares it, and one shares my grandmother's so date in my mind. I don't text. But I do send thoughts.

I have one ex...Wasn't serious...and it's a standing joke that I am first person to send him birthday wishes and he me despite it being 15 years and both of us well moved in. Funny thing is my current guy I got his birthday wrong twice!

If you have feelings still it may be as well to ignore or bite bullet and ring...what have you got to lose?

I thought you were banned from waffling on with your stories about yourself???
Also paragraphs one and 2 contradict each other...either you text or you don't;)

Op it sounds like she's looking for attention but if you still have feelings for her just ask straight out if she wants to meet up. The worst that can happen is she says no and you go back to no contact.

road_high

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Why dont you ring her up and ask her out ?

I don't think this is a good idea- what if she says no? It'll just bring the OP back to the hurt he originally experienced. I don't see the point tbh

tara73

Glasscandy wrote: »

Hey Guesswho
From here on in she will be ignored for sure. I was polite and responded but I know she is probably looking for an ego boost or something like that.

I think this is the right way to go. You asked her not ot contact you, she did it anyway and just wishing you a happy birthday is a mindf*** for you as she broke up with you.
she doesn't know what's going on with you now and how you take it her sending you a message. and it has exactly the negative outcome you don't need: reviving your hopes.

if she has something meaningfull to say to you, she should do it and not sending you a superficial 'Happy Birtday' after 2 years. she's just testing the waters, if you're still into her so I also think she most probably is looking for an ego boost. Don't be available for it.

Bandana boy

A Happy Birthday text is exactly what somebody hoping to restart might do.
If you are still interested I would ring her and ask to meet for a drink or a coffee ,see if things have changed and maybe you could go forward from here -2 years is a long time and she still thinking of you .

I think if you ignore you will always wonder what might have been.