Money and finances query

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Going anon for this. Not a major issue but nonetheless I would appreciate opinions and advice on this.

I've been with my other half for a number of years and we've been living together for 3 years.

We've always had separate finances as I'm the main earner and he went back as a mature student to study. In saying this, throughout our relationship he has always paid his way and split things as best he could but naturally because I'm earning, I've been paying a bit more. This hasn't been an issue at all.

He'll qualify this year and hopefully get a decent job with decent wages. My question is, how should we structure our finances when we're both earning? My view on it is that our money is both our money and we should just put it all in a joint account. That way all bills and outgoings will be split. He sees it a bit more that we should have our own accounts (for our own spending) and a joint account for split bills. I understand this but just seems like more faffing around to me. I'd be really interested in what others do. It's hard to know what the "right way" is. Also, we're not engaged/married but talk about this openly and are both planning this in our future.

Opinions welcome. Thanks!

Tigger99

To be honest your way of doing it fills me with horror for so many reasons. I'd definitely go with his suggestion.

I've done it in the past and it worked quite well.

colmdel

I would be going with his suggestion op. The bills would all get split down the middle and you both would have your own money. I know a few married couples and their finances are all set up the way your other half has suggested. 
Both parties wages going into the one joint account isn't very common anymore.... in my experience.

mountaingoats

What myself and the fiance do is bring ourselves to the same net income each month. We keep personal accounts and put savings to a joint account. This is because i earn more but we both want to feel equal.
For example if i earn 3k and she earns 2k. We agree we can live on 1.5k each. I put 1.5k to savings, she puts 0.5k to savings. Then we can both do whatever we want with our own personal money. Makes you still have a sense of freedom and personal money. Only a solution if youre in it for the long haul though!

Danbo!

I'd be up for all into one account tbh. I was with my wife for 12 years before we got married and always had separate accounts. I earn more than she does and we always told ourselves it was easier to just split everything - bills, meals, rent, etc. It seemed to work fine until we decided, after getting married, that we'd just lump into one account. We were considering still keeping personal accounts for own spending, but it seemed overly complex.

We've shared one current account, one savings account and a single credit card account with 2 cards, for four years now.

It. Is. Brilliant.

No more bull - "you paid for this, I'll pay for that" or anything. Our salaries get paid in, savings transferred to savings, and all bills come out of the account. Holidays are so much easier too. We've a young daughter, a mortgage and share a financed car now, so I suppose there's more commitment there, but even before kid/house/car it was a lot easier, in my opinion.

Couple of things - we both have things we spend money on regularly that the other wouldn't. I'm into cycling and photography so I buy bike and camera stuff. And she buys, uh, makeup and clothes more than me, I guess. We're just open about what we spend - i.e. I wouldn't go dropping a grand without mentioning it first.

We're both good enough with money, neither of us carried any debt into the equation. The main argument for keeping separate accounts was for buying our own **** and for gifts for each other - so how can I buy her a Christmas present without her seeing it on online banking? In the end it wasn't an issue. Statements don't tell you the exact item bought anyway and this was a tiny infrequent edge case.

We kept our personal accounts active just in case, but after a couple of months we closed them as it was just easier.

baby and crumble

I'm a big advocate for separate personal
Accounts and then a joint for all mortgage/'rent/ bills/ holidays. Just makes far more sense to me. I'd honestly be raging if she was buying all her makeup out of the joint money and she'd be just as annoyed if I was paying for video games and stuff out of it.

Plus I always think the one account for everything turns it into a bit of a 'mammy' situation. If you're earning your own money you should be able to buy whatever the hell you want with it without asking permission first. If I want to drop all my available cash one month on a new suit then I can. I'll be eating beans for lunch but that's my problem.

Danbo!

baby and crumble wrote: »

I'm a big advocate for separate personal
Accounts and then a joint for all mortgage/'rent/ bills/ holidays. Just makes far more sense to me. I'd honestly be raging if she was buying all her makeup out of the joint money and she'd be just as annoyed if I was paying for video games and stuff out of it.

Plus I always think the one account for everything turns it into a bit of a 'mammy' situation. If you're earning your own money you should be able to buy whatever the hell you want with it without asking permission first. If I want to drop all my available cash one month on a new suit then I can. I'll be eating beans for lunch but that's my problem.

What's nice about a single account though is that we don't think of it as "the joint money", it's just "the money". No permission sought from either side before buying stuff, but we're both very well matched in terms of value of money, so maybe that helps the situation.

naughtysmurf

mountaingoats wrote: »

What myself and the fiance do is bring ourselves to the same net income each month. We keep personal accounts and put savings to a joint account. This is because i earn more but we both want to feel equal.
For example if i earn 3k and she earns 2k. We agree we can live on 1.5k each. I put 1.5k to savings, she puts 0.5k to savings. Then we can both do whatever we want with our own personal money. Makes you still have a sense of freedom and personal money. Only a solution if youre in it for the long haul though!

This is the fairest & nicest way to do it, you're either in it fully together or your not

naughtysmurf

Arjen Robben wrote: »

Why do you need to share accounts?

It works much better in reality for most people when they have a joint account for shared bills and both have their own individual accounts.

So you agree how much each person has to put into the joint account on a monthly basis. Then you have your personal account to pay for personal bills.

For example say you want to save money and decide to keep your old phone and not get an upgrade to reduce your monthly bill, if that comes out of the joint account then it's not very fair if your partner chooses to upgrade and you stick with the old phone as there is no specific benefit to the person not upgrading.

They are sharing an account(s) for joint bills like rent, electric, savings etc that all the direct debits come out of, & have their own personal accounts also, the important thing though is no matter how much each of them earn they both have the same disposable income each at the end of every month, after all the bills & savings are taken care of, that's how I understood it so if one wants to upgrade the phone, they upgrade it out of their own personal account, if the other wants new golf clubs they do the same, the bills will be covered, there will be some savings, obviously a joint decision has to be taken on big ticket items that both will use like a car or a new gas boiler etc

Many couples have sometimes significant differences in income, a situation where after the bills are paid & one is left with say 200 for the week & the other 50 isn't going to work well long term

baby and crumble

Danbo! wrote: »

What's nice about a single account though is that we don't think of it as "the joint money", it's just "the money". No permission sought from either side before buying stuff, but we're both very well matched in terms of value of money, so maybe that helps the situation.

In all honesty that would totally freak me out. I don't like not having financial independence, it's very important to me.

ILikeBoats

baby and crumble wrote: »

I'm a big advocate for separate personal
Accounts and then a joint for all mortgage/'rent/ bills/ holidays. Just makes far more sense to me. I'd honestly be raging if she was buying all her makeup out of the joint money and she'd be just as annoyed if I was paying for video games and stuff out of it.

Plus I always think the one account for everything turns it into a bit of a 'mammy' situation. If you're earning your own money you should be able to buy whatever the hell you want with it without asking permission first. If I want to drop all my available cash one month on a new suit then I can. I'll be eating beans for lunch but that's my problem.

This is what we do too and it works great.
We both put a set amount in to the joint every month. That covers mortgage, bills, childcare, savings, food and anything else for the house. We are left with our own personal balances which we are free to do what we want with.

We both have our own cars and pay for them ourselves.

She buys a lot more clothes and toiletries than me, I'd be raging if that was all coming out of the joint. I would save up for bigger ticket items and I'm sure that would drive her nuts if it were to come out.

Our way works for us and there is never any arguments or bad feelings about money.

woodchuck

baby and crumble wrote: »

In all honesty that would totally freak me out. I don't like not having financial independence, it's very important to me.

Having a personal account is also normally highly recommended on here in case things every turn nasty in a relationship (i.e. an escape plan!). I know that sounds a little extreme, but you just never know how things will turn out down the line.

You also hear stories of one person dying (again, extreme) and the remaining person having trouble getting access to the joint account for a while. This could cause all sorts of problems.

I think a shared account is a great idea for bills etc, but I do also thing a keeping a personal account (for both emergencies and personal spending) would be prudent.

ash23

Separate accounts here too OP.

I earn more than he does so annually we work out the average costs of rent, bills, food etc and split it by 52. Then we work it out proportional to what we earn at the time. So if costs are 500 per week and I earn 3k and he earns 2k, I pay 300 and he pays 200.
This has changed depending on who is earning what, his hours and if I was off sick for example.

He pays that to me weekly and I pay all the bills and do the grocery shopping.
We each take care of our own car costs.

It works for us because he moved into what was my house so all the bills, direct debits, online utility bills etc are all in my name. I'm also much better with money and with keeping track of bills than he is so I took on that task.
We each have a child from previous relationships so he's paying maintenance and I'm covering my child's costs so it's just cleaner for us.
I don't think I'll ever pool my money with his - I prefer to have my own.

LegacyUser

We have tried both ways. The entirety joint caused huge hassle and pain. We manage our money very differently. I track what I spend, so I set myself a limit and stick to it. I check the online banking weekly and I never, ever overspend.

He spends, spends, spends and logs on multiple times daily to manage his spending. He sits down once a month with all the receipts and trawls through all the transactions. This takes hours and involves interrogations. I have to justify spending and there is war over who spent €20 here or there (inevitably him).

We are financially stable, both good with not getting into debt, etc but we are poles apart on how to manage it. I see his way as stupid, time wasting and not controlled enough. He sees mine in the same way.

Essentially, separate personal accounts and a joint one suits us. We both get very stressed by the way that the other person manages their finances.

SarahMollie

We have seperate accounts too OP.

We're together 3.5 years, and live together for 2.5 years. We also got engaged late last summer. We live in a place that I own (mortgaged obv ) so he pays me "rent and bills" once a month, which works for both of us as it covers half the mortgage and other costs, and for him its way less than the market rent if we were renting.

The only fund we have thats seperate is a wedding fund which will pay for everything wedding and honeymoon related. We plan to put any cash gifts we recieve into this also, and keep the account as our trading up fund for when we might want to buy a "forever home" in a few years time.

I earn slightly more, but I'm also the bigger spender on things like clothes, make up and eating out (he'd happily never go to restaurants but I'm a real foodie). That said, he is really into a particular hobby which he invests a fair bit into.

I like the privacy of spending my money and i honestly think that having only one account would only lead to arguements over my spending! He would not understnad me spending €1k on a handbag, like his head would actually explode.

bp

We have one account but I am a stay at home parent so it is slightly different as I don't bring in a wage. Even before marriage we had only a single account (after living together for a while first) as my OH was in college and without a job so I supported both of us. I take care of the money checking accounts etc and we discuss any big ticket items - although on only one salary we cannot really afford any!

Bandana boy

I am a big believer in separate accounts and a joint account for bills mortgage holidays etc

I know some people make one account work , but I have seen several couple argue over it and law of averages suggest there is always a "winner" and a "loser" in this arrangement .
The winner and loser piece can be minor but a life together is a long time and there will be tough days and having another issue that one party might feel a little raw or hard-done by could be the straw that breaks the camels back.

There will also possibly be leaner times ahead , maybe after a large house purchase and having to ask permission for makeup or a match ticket as an adult is pretty ridiculous.

I have even seen one dysfunctional couple race each other to spend the paycheck ahead of the other !and on a decent double income live broke for two weeks every month.

miezekatze

We've been living together for over 10 years and still have separate bank accounts, no joint account. We earn roughly the same, mortgage and some bills come out of my account, the rest of the bills out of his. He transfers some money to my account every month to make up the difference (I guess a joint account just for bills etc would make sense). We each know roughly how much money the other person has. I really wouldn't want to only have a joint account. I'm better at budgeting than he is and am a better saver, I would worry about too much money getting spent on unnecessary things tbh.

Bambi985

i guess if your outlook on finances and money management falls in line with each other it's not a bad idea to have one shared account.

it'd terrify the jesus out of me though. i'm a saver and himself is a spender, i'd probably have daily panic attacks over his trips to the pub or the corner shop for a pack of fags etc. we manage it via a joint account for rent and utilities, we lodge to our own savings accounts and then maintain our own separate current accounts for the day to day stuff.

i need that bit of financial independence, perhaps your fella feels the same. if he does i wouldn't be pushing it as it's only going to cause resentment and arguments down the line.

Sono

Joint account for mortgage, utility bills and food shopping, both put same amount in, whatever we both have left is our own. Quite simple really.

Parchment

The way i see it - and i have always seen it is...i earn it so its my money!

SO and i have been together five years, always kept our own accounts and just split bills. Now we have bought a house together we have a joint account which we pay into for bills/mortgage (thats all its going to be used for) but we have both kept our own accounts and thats our money to do what we want with. We both do our own saving/spending and thats how it will always stay.

bee06

We have a joint account that the mortgage comes out of then separate accounts that our wages are paid into. He pays some bills, I pay others and we each pay for the big grocery shop every second week.

I earn more than him but I do see all our money as our money. I save more because I earn more but I don't feel like I can go mad and spend crazy money on something without letting him know ... not to ask permission but just to keep him informed. He does the same for me.

I have on multiple occasions suggested that we split mortgage and bills based on a % of our wages but he always says no. I save the extra instead.

Maximus Alexander

We've a joint savings account, a joint current account and each have our own personal accounts too. We each get paid into our personal accounts, then transfer a set amount into the joint. That way we can use our joint account for any joint costs or activities, while still having our own personal freedom and discretion. It works very well.

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Thanks so much for all the replies, it's been really good food for thought.

It's interesting to hear mixed views but the majority seem to say keep separate accounts as well as a joint together. I suppose initially I wanted a full joint account only because I've been feeling that I've carried the heavier financial load the last number of years and would just love to not have to worry about who paid for what anymore. I am 100% ok with paying more right now as I know in the future when we have kids I may end up earning less and he'll then take over as the main bread winner.

I also think this comes from my dislike of talking about money in general. The thought of having to constantly sit down and talk about who puts what amount into the joint account etc seems horrible to me but it's probably not as big a deal as I'm making it in my head.

We also have very different spending/saving habits and attitudes towards money so it may be better to keep separate accounts and have a joint one as well. I think I'll struggle with it initially but logically I can see the sense in it. Thanks again for all the answers!

Neyite

It's worth having a chat though about hypothetical setups where either of you is on a smaller or no income - whether that's due to illness, maternity, children, job loss etc so that there is no expectation that one should have to still cover all bills from their savings even though they have no money coming in.

FWIW, we essentially pool our money. We both get paid into our own accounts, I pay two of the bigger bills, he takes care of the others plus our day to day expenses. We know each other's PIN and regularly use whichever card happens to have the cash on it, obviously checking with the person first.

That might fill some with utter horror, but it works for us. We both have similar views with regard to spending money, and would spend at similar levels. We talk easily about money - what needs paying, what bill is due and which account it could come out of.