Woman deceives husband into rearing "his" child, and then accuses him of child abuse.

Over on The Irish Times website now is a double whammy of the two worst things that could happen a father: he is led to believe for years that the child he's rearing is his own when it is the product of an affair his wife had, and then when she decides to leave him she accuses him of child abuse so that he can't claim rights to the person he raised as his own child.

It is long past time that the law is changed so that people who falsely accuse somebody of child abuse - the worst allegation by far that any man can have laid against his character - are named and shamed and then sent to prison. This one seems like a spectacularly vile piece of the human race, destroying somebody's life in full knowledge that her name will never be published as it could infringe the child's right to privacy.

Man denied records relating to girl he thought was daughter

skankkuvhima

Jeez that's a fairly horrific thing to do to a man. Any punishment for the missus? Nah, thought not.

Armchair Andy

If and more likely when she's caught lying here she should see serious jail time.

Carlos Orange

Whatever about anything else surely you should be notified when someone removes you from a birth cert.

I forgot this part of what this anonymous, protected woman did:

'Unknown to him, his wife had had the girl’s birth certificate amended with the natural father’s name substituted for his, secretly obtained DNA tests confirming the natural father’s paternity and got court orders requiring the natural father pay birth expenses and financial support that her husband had also been providing.'

One would imagine that the underlined part (at least) would constitute a fraud crime of some sort in Irish law.

SEPT 23 1989

What a terrible bastard of a "mother"

Family friends who backed that yoke up should be ashamed of themselves

skankkuvhima

Not if they are married. If you are married and your missus has 10 kids by 10 different men you're on the hook to pay for them all.

Ulysses Gaze

Armchair Andy wrote: »

If and more likely when she's caught lying here she should see serious jail time.

2 chances - slim and none.

micar

Similar type story..... My ex's friend slept with two guys around the same time...Maybe 3 days apart.

One of the guys was known to her who was home from Oz for a visit. The same guy had a girlfriend in Oz.

When she told him she was pregnant. He broke up with his girlfriend and did the decent thing.

She wanted a relationship and a baby.

They moved in together and planned to raise the kid as a family.

This was well over 10 years ago. Always wondered what happened.

Always felt so sorry for him as he might not be the father.

Throughout the whole pregnancy I was disgusted with her. To her the dates matched up and he could only have been the father.

bear1

skankkuvhima wrote: »

Not if they are married. If you are married and your missus has 10 kids by 10 different men you're on the hook to pay for them all.

I don't think that's correct.
If the mother has an affair and freely admits it then the husband isn't liable for child support especially if he has been removed from the birth cert.
I'd be dragging her through court though.
She is a disgusting **** though, not a bitch but a ****.
There is a special reserved in hell for her and I hope the child wants nothing to do with her.

pablomakaveli

There was a case a few years ago of a man successfully suing his partner who had deceived him into raising a child that wasnt his.

Seems fair since its essentially a form of fraud.

bcklschaps

Wow, this is an unbelievable story.

Are there no checks and balances in place at all in this country's Family Law courts ? Men get absolutely butt raped.

Can the Husband for instance apply for to get the money he paid over in child support, back ?

And would this lady not have committed some kind of fraud by having two separate men pay her child support for the same child ? Or is she being commended for being a cunning little vixen? and simply using the crazy sexist laws of this country to feather her nest.

And seriously, there should be an automatic notification procedure whereby if you are being removed from a child's birth cert that you are at least informed. (Ideally you should be able to challenge any change). Seems the court just took her word for it?

The sexual abuse allegations are pretty low, but this lady is clearly a liar and a cheat

steddyeddy

Social services should step in. The woman seems dangerous.

Your Face

I smell a sitcom!

KERSPLAT!

The poor child.

DrumSteve

Your Face wrote: »

I smell a sitcom!

Yeah, Id say the hilarity would be too much.

topmanamillion

micar wrote: »

Similar type story..... My ex's friend slept with two guys around the same time...Maybe 3 days apart.

One of the guys was known to her who was home from Oz for a visit. The same guy had a girlfriend in Oz.

When she told him she was pregnant. He broke up with his girlfriend and did the decent thing.

She wanted a relationship and a baby.

They moved in together and planned to raise the kid as a family.

This was well over 10 years ago. Always wondered what happened.

Always felt so sorry for him as he might not be the father.

Throughout the whole pregnancy I was disgusted with her. To her the dates matched up and he could only have been the father.

This kind of thing is all too common.
I know of one girl who slept with 2 lads in the one week. She was pretty sure who the father was but it her options were one lad was a bit of a local scumbag and the other was a hard working type with a farm. No prizes for guessing her choice.
Mr farmer does the honourable thing and begins a relationship with her and proposes to her.
Anyway, fast forward about a year after the baby was born and the kid starts looking identical to mister scumbag (Mr Scumbag has pretty distinctive ginger hair and facial features) so she has to fes up.

Cameo

This kind of thing is all too common? Jeez, thankfully I don't know anyone like that.

What an absolute poisonous weapon.

Robineen

What a vindictive witch. Cannot believe the birth cert trickery.

bcklschaps wrote: »

Or is she being commended for being a cunning little vixen?

Hardly.

Wibbs

Cameo wrote: »

This kind of thing is all too common? Jeez, thankfully I don't know anyone like that.

What an absolute poisonous weapon.

Agreed and I do know of a couple of rare cases where this sorta thing has occurred, but I would be very wary of thinking it common. It is a common fear of men and one that has a very deep history that crosses many if not most cultural lines. For good reasons. Until the 20th century the plain fact is a man was never entirely sure if his children were his, a woman was always sure(beyond baby swapped in the hospital scenarios) and her choice in most cases. When that choice is taken from women, such as in the case of rape, society abhors it. To the degree even some pro life types will make an exception for termination in rape cases. One can add in the mystery of reproduction in women(and men) in pre modern cultures as another pressure causing this fear. Given our basic human "programming" pushes us to reproduce our genes, any suspicion involved in the process is naturally going to cause concern. Many cultural mores spring from this. The idea that a promiscuous woman is somehow lesser being one obvious example. She may be seen as more "risky" as far as the origin of children she may have. Virginal women being seen as less "risky". That being chaste and all that stuff is much more a pressure on women than men is down to this basic male fear of a cuckoo in the nest. I would even contend that the oft found male suspicion and thinking of women as somehow "other" and mysterious springs from this. Reliable contraception and paternity testing and changing societal attitudes have rendered the reality of the fear far less an issue, but it takes time for our brains to catch up.

So yeah, I would say the fear of this is far more a thing than the reality. Much more common in my experience is "accidental" pregnancy.

razorblunt

Suffering Christ that's a story and a half.
Never mind the poor fella getting his payments back, he's probably bonded with his "daughter" and the shock of being removed entirely from her life must be horrible.

It's a tough situation from the point of view, the Father might want a part of her life now that he knows, the "Dad" may feel he's already part of her life. Tough on both men, emotionally at least.

osarusan

20 years he has been fighting this, the poor bastard.

As an earlier poster said, it shouldn't be possible to edit a birth cert without the father even knowing about it - I appreciate that there are times that the father has no involvement, cannot be located, refuses to cooperate, or whatever , but it should be up to the registration office to establish that to their own satisfaction.

sbsquarepants

SeanW wrote: »

In France, paternity fraud is a protected right, the government attacks the victims. Co-incidentally :rolleyes:, France also has other Feminist policies, such as gender quotas in politics, and the Swedish model on sex work.

I've read this a few times and I've no idea what you mean.

Fraud is a protected right? Government attacks the victims?

Also tell me more about this Swedish model who does sex work?:D

re_shaft

She should be shot with her own sh!te.

Theboinkmaster

micar wrote: »

Maybe 3 days apart.
To her the dates matched up and he could only have been the father.

She obviously doesn't understand her own biological system if she thinks she can have sex 3 days apart and still know which day she ovulated and got pregnant, especially using "dates" FFS :rolleyes:

Theboinkmaster

topmanamillion wrote: »

I know of one girl who slept with 2 lads in the one week. She was pretty sure who the father was

Again what kind of fvcking idiot is this girl - how the hell would she be sure? Sperm can live for 5 days, egg for a day - so irrelevant of what day she think she ovulated either could be the father.

lazybones32

I read about an American case a few years ago where a man was sent to prison for failing to make child support payments to a child who was shown to not be his. I googled to find the name and found a few other cases too.

"Though DNA tests have proven the child isn't his, Alexander still owes more than $30,000 to the state because the child's mother used his name as the father to get welfare benefits." - Carnell Alexander's plight. The child's mother wasn't prosecuted for fraud or knowingly supplying false information.

"In June of last year, a judge ordered Hatley to jail for failing to reimburse the state for public assistance that was paid to support his "son," who, as the court was aware, is not actually his son." - Frank Hatley, who repaid the State of Georgia for 13 years until 2000 when he learned the child wasn't his. When he stopped repaying, he went to jail.

stimpson

micar wrote: »

Throughout the whole pregnancy I was disgusted with her. To her the dates matched up and he could only have been the father.

Did you ever think of mentioning it to the lad in question?

tomwaterford

lazybones32 wrote: »

I read about an American case a few years ago where a man was sent to prison for failing to make child support payments to a child who was shown to not be his. I googled to find the name and found a few other cases too.

"Though DNA tests have proven the child isn't his, Alexander still owes more than $30,000 to the state because the child's mother used his name as the father to get welfare benefits." - Carnell Alexander's plight. The child's mother wasn't prosecuted for fraud or knowingly supplying false information.

"In June of last year, a judge ordered Hatley to jail for failing to reimburse the state for public assistance that was paid to support his "son," who, as the court was aware, is not actually his son." - Frank Hatley, who repaid the State of Georgia for 13 years until 2000 when he learned the child wasn't his. When he stopped repaying, he went to jail.

That is literally insane.....the definition of beuroacacy (spelling :eek: ).....gone beyond stupid

Why did someone not stand up and put a stop to it?

Del2005

tomwaterford wrote: »

That is literally insane.....the definition of beuroacacy (spelling :eek: ).....gone beyond stupid

Why did someone not stand up and put a stop to it?

It's how the American "justice" system works. People have been sentenced for worse crimes when everyone knew they couldn't have done it, but the "justice" system needs the conviction not the guilty party

osarusan

tomwaterford wrote: »

That is literally insane.....the definition of beuroacacy (spelling :eek: ).....gone beyond stupid

In the first case mentioned, he knew he wasn't the father but agreed to put his name down as the father so that the mother would be entitled to/be able to claim state benefits more easily.

He never considered the fact that the state would chase him for his contribution to the upbringing of the child he had said he was the father of. That's how he came to owe money to the state.

Hatley's case, on the other hand, just seems to be atrocious.

diomed

She is the human version of the cuckoo.

blacklilly

The courts hands are tied in this case and really what legislation could be brought in to prevent such an issue arising again?

As long as we have crazy, deceitful people in our society, we will hear of similar stories again.

The unfounded acquisitions made against him are horrific and at the very least you would hope this woman could be sued for defamation of character.

You would also hope that the child will understand the situation as she grows older and perhaps their relationship could develop at that point.

Very sad story.

padd b1975

skankkuvhima wrote: »

Not if they are married. If you are married and your missus has 10 kids by 10 different men you're on the hook to pay for them all.

Patriarchy.

currants

At the very least he should pursue her for defamation, poor man, poor child. What a terrible mother to be stuck with.

osarusan

currants wrote: »

At the very least he should pursue her for defamation, poor man, poor child. What a terrible mother to be stuck with.

He can't, I think, as the information is being withheld from him. It would need to be 'in the public interest' for an exception to be made, and his interest in investigating if he has grounds for a claim against the mother doesn't meet the standard of being 'in the public interest'.

py2006

Not the first woman to pull that one I'd imagine!

I remember reading an article some years ago which stated that there are quite a lot of men out there assuming they are the biological father. Affairs kept quiet etc. It happens more than we would like to think.

blacklilly

py2006 wrote: »

Not the first woman to pull that one I'd imagine!

I remember reading an article some years ago which stated that there are quite a lot of men out there assuming they are the biological father. Affairs kept quiet etc. It happens more than we would like to think.

I remember my grandmother (a very conservative woman....in some ways) suggesting that a women I know have an affair as she and her husband were having difficulties conceiving. I couldn't believe what I heard and when I pulled her up on it, she told me i was more innocent and naive than she expected.

I'm happy to remain that way if it means that such a suggestion is abhorrent to me.