Nervous About Moving in with OH

LegacyUser

Hi all

I am 32 and never lived with a significant other. I had difficulties in my 20s and was in and out of hospital with a health problem that has since been resolved.

I have been seeing my OH for over a year now and now that the stars are aligning and things are looking up, we've decided to rent a place together. I am infatuiated by my GF. She is the love of my life and my best friend.

But I'm really nervous. I know this is a common problem among people but I just get nervous thinking this is the one. That i'm commiting to this person for life. I know we are only moving in together but I am thinking of the future too.. SO i have two probs - one is that I am scared about moving in with her. That she will see how ridiculous my anxiety and depression can get. That she will think I'm dirty or moody. That I will feel claustrophobic and want out.

The other prob is bigger. I get anxious just thinking that this is the one. When with her I feel better but when we are apart I remuniate and thing oh holy god this is it. I am never going to go on a first date again. I am never going to sleep with anyone else. LOL.

Just to clarify this woman is the woman of my dreams. I would propose to her in the morning and we have already decided that we will eventually tie the knot. I just get these mad intense feelings of fear. I wonder is this just me being a man and having some abandonment issues. I know she won't hurt me. And I am so lucky to found someone. I do truly love her and fancy the socks off her. She is absolutely amazing in bed. Does so many nice things for me. has a great family and friends. I am spell bound but I am nearly thinking that i don't deserve it

Any advice here?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Moving In Together Advice wrote: »

Hi all

I am 32 and never lived with a significant other. I had difficulties in my 20s and was in and out of hospital with a health problem that has since been resolved.

I have been seeing my OH for over a year now and now that the stars are aligning and things are looking up, we've decided to rent a place together. I am infatuiated by my GF. She is the love of my life and my best friend.

But I'm really nervous. I know this is a common problem among people but I just get nervous thinking this is the one. That i'm commiting to this person for life. I know we are only moving in together but I am thinking of the future too.. SO i have two probs - one is that I am scared about moving in with her. That she will see how ridiculous my anxiety and depression can get. That she will think I'm dirty or moody. That I will feel claustrophobic and want out.

The other prob is bigger. I get anxious just thinking that this is the one. When with her I feel better but when we are apart I remuniate and thing oh holy god this is it. I am never going to go on a first date again. I am never going to sleep with anyone else. LOL.

Just to clarify this woman is the woman of my dreams. I would propose to her in the morning and we have already decided that we will eventually tie the knot. I just get these mad intense feelings of fear. I wonder is this just me being a man and having some abandonment issues. I know she won't hurt me. And I am so lucky to found someone. I do truly love her and fancy the socks off her. She is absolutely amazing in bed. Does so many nice things for me. has a great family and friends. I am spell bound but I am nearly thinking that i don't deserve it

Any advice here?

What I'm reading here is that you're worried about losing her rather than moving in with her.

I'm guessing she knows you well at this stage and knows about any issues with anxiety or depression and is reaady for them. If not, just sit her down and talk to her. Tell her you're scared - known that she's aware and in a position to be ready will help you to relax a bit more. Be aware of the fac that she may also be nervous and need som assurance from you.

Also, I notice one thing absent: you don't talk about what you do for her. Clearly you're doing something right, so try and draw confidence from that.

Bambi985

sounds like anxiety issues that are going into overdrive.

You will drive each other batty at the start. There is an adjustment period, as until now you've had your own space and had a schedule of when you'd see each other that probably didn't involve every morning, every evening, all day every day when you're both off.

it might affect your sex life and you might have a few arguments over petty things, but things tend to settle down after a few weeks and you'll be wishing you had moved in together sooner.

re the panic over her being "the one" - no more "first dates" again, etc etc. If she's your first serious relationship and you've not lived with a partner before this is probably pretty normal. try to think of it as the next step in your relationship, a trial of living together to see if ye can progress as a couple. as opposed to "this is it for me forever and ever and ever AHHHH". You clearly love the girl so it's more about your anxiety than your actual feelings I would say.

And besides, "no more first dates" - if that proves to be true, lucky you eh?!! The dating sites and drunken nights out and conveyor belt of mediocre dates that go nowhere gets exhausting after a certain point, especially when you're 32 and looking for someone to share your life with. you've found that now, breathe deeply and just enjoy the process.

LynnGrace

Agree with previous posters. There will be a period of adjustment, for both of you, no matter what. So just be assured that is perfectly usual and normal.

Try to put your focus onto the practicalities of the move, the organising of it, the timeline and so on. When you find yourself starting to get anxious about the things you describe, remind yourself that there are good reasons why the two of you have decided to move in together.

All the best and I hope that things work out really well for both of you.

LegacyUser

Thanks all. I think I am putting loads of pressure on myself about the entire thing... I am really good to her which I didn't detail.. We support each other very well and we're constantly trying to improve our relationship. I'm getting excited now to move on.. I think it;s just that I'm 32 and that I feel like it's time to settle down. I know a lot of men who are commitment phobic so maybe it's that.

Great advice here and I think it's just my silly anxiety.

Estrellita

Moving In Together Advice wrote: »

I just get nervous thinking this is the one. That i'm committing to this person for life....

......I would propose to her in the morning and we have already decided that we will eventually tie the knot.

These two don't really tally up.

I think you are ready to move in with her, you sound like you are mad about her so it is the most logical next step. You are over thinking this waaaaay too much. Every relationship is a gamble, you don't know if things will work out or not. There's no crystal ball. But what's the alternative? Not allowing yourself to be happy, and finding out if this is really the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Regarding being dirty in the house etc.. everyone has their bad habits and what not, things that grate on the other half. If you love someone you take their objections / complaints on board and move on with things, not move out and assume it's down to incompatibility.

Sure I throw fcuks around the house over things not being done, but I'm not gonna pack my bags and leave

Stop worrying and give it a shot. It's not a choice between life or death, you are choosing to get to know someone better and try sharing lives together. That comes with the good and the bad stuff, from both parties!

Lux23

I moved in with my partner far too soon, but I lost a job and he started a business in the same month so it just made sense at the time. In hindsight I might have done things differently and saved a good bit of stress, but we got through it and learned to communicate with each other effectively. Money is always going to be a hot topic, so make sure you have all of these details ironed out. And make sure you both understand each other in terms of how much headspace you need. But you're going to have arguments and the first couple will seem awful, but it will all settle down if you're suited. Personally I still find holidays more stressful with my partner so if you can get through a couple of weeks away then living together won't seem so difficult.

LegacyUser

Thanks all again for the responses - we are now actively looking so let's hope something comes up!!!