Being a Highly Sensitive Person Help

ronaldol

Anyone here admit to being a highly sensitive person? I don't have any friends. I feel being a HSP maybe something to do with it. How do i stop being so sensitive?

Feeling sad!

I would regard myself as a highly sensitive person and I still think everyone else is the problem! I don't think being sensitive is a bad thing. I do think that some people just weren't born with a sensitivity chip. In ways I would love to not give a ****e but then I would hate to go through life not caring as much. I have definitely blossomed in confidence about who I am as I've gotten older.

Even the other day I was explaining to someone how another wee girl in my daughters crèche is being hurtful and mean to her. My daughter comes home nearly everyday upset by her.The person replied 'ah sure my daughter is just very sensitive'. Then I thought about what she said and no she's not sensitive, the other wee girl is just bullish. But it was interesting to see the different perspectives on the situation because the person who I spoke to is bullish herself.

I suppose I don't have much advice but don't think that it's a negative thing but try not to be offended by everyone. There are some amazing people in this world. I found a kindred spirit in my partner who is sensitive like me. You just need to seek out like minded people. Try to see the good in people, I know it's hard at times.

eviltwin

Have a read of The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron or Quiet by Susan Cain. Both are great reads and give lots of advice and information.

If you live in Dublin check out meet up.com, there are a few meet up groups for HSP and introverts that would provide a social outlet.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Airyfairy12

I'm like that too, over sensitive to everything even noises and smells and taste. Ive cried at trocaire adds and I can't watch the news. Im really pathetic. No advice for you really but youre not alone in how you feel.

freshpopcorn

There's being sensitive and being "Sensitive".
Theirs nothing wrong with being a bit sensitive at times but the problem is when people have to tip toe around the person in case they cause offence to person. We all know somebody who'd be a little like this and they can be very hard to deal with.
Even from speaking to teachers whilst bullying is never acceptable and even from remember my own school days sometimes certain people can be over sensitive and this can be very unhealthy in my opinion in regarding your mental health.
What you've really to ask yourself is. Is your sensitivity effecting others and yourself?

Jay Pentatonic

It's unfortunate because there will always be people out there who will upset us, there's not a huge amount we can do to change it except for making ourselves braver, stronger and more skilled in handling tough situations.

Meditation is helping me. I'm finding it helps me not get swept away by my feelings as much anymore. There're loads of guided meditation videos on Youtube as well as apps like Calm or Headspace and even some meetups for group meditation. They're well worth a try.

Practicing self-compassion is very important too. If you love yourself as you would a parent/spouse/child, then getting upset by other people's actions/words becomes less frequent and ultimately fades away.

ronaldol

Thank you everyone for your replies
I do see it as a negative thing to be honest. I would give anything to not care what other think of me.
I do feel i need to change cause it is affecting me. I'm finding it very difficult to meet like minded people & the rest of
my family are the complete opposite of me. I'm in Connacht.

Feeling sad!

ronaldol wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your replies
I do see it as a negative thing to be honest. I would give anything to not care what other think of me.
I do feel i need to change cause it is affecting me. I'm finding it very difficult to meet like minded people & the rest of
my family are the complete opposite of me. I'm in Connacht.

Can I ask you what age you are?

ronaldol

I'm 27. I know i should be past all this. I feel very childish letting people getting to me. I do have a history of being bullied. I realize i'm walking around thinking there's something wrong with me all the time. Now i know i'm not the only one
who feels this way i hope i can move on.

Big Bag of Chips

If you've been bullied in the past then you've probably trained yourself to get defensive or feel that whatever someone says, no matter how innocuous, is meant as a dig. The reality, as you probably logically know, is that is not true. The reality is most people don't think about you much, if at all! And most people don't say something with the intention of upsetting or annoying you.

I worked with a lovely woman, really nice. I got on great with her. But you definitely had to "handle with care"!! One day I complimented her that she looked very well. I'm not even sure what was different, could have been her hair was different, or she might have had a top on I'd never seen before.. anyway, when I said "You're looking really well this morning" she turned on me and said "Why? Did I not look well yesterday or any other day?". So a compliment was taken as an insult!! I just had to be careful not to say anything that could be taken as controversial!!

You seem to recognise that you are being over sensitive rather than it's people are being deliberately insensitive. It's a good start!! I suppose all you can do is try to recondition your thinking. Retrain yourself to not be the one being picked on. Retrain yourself to realise people aren't plotting against you!

I wish you well, you are definitely more self aware than that woman I worked with. And even with her being 'over sensitive', she was still a lovely woman, and I was very fond of her... So all is not lost even if you are a bit over sensitive!!

Feeling sad!

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If you've been bullied in the past then you've probably trained yourself to get defensive or feel that whatever someone says, no matter how innocuous, is meant as a dig. The reality, as you probably logically know, is that is not true. The reality is most people don't think about you much, if at all! And most people don't say something with the intention of upsetting or annoying you.

I worked with a lovely woman, really nice. I got on great with her. But you definitely had to "handle with care"!! One day I complimented her that she looked very well. I'm not even sure what was different, could have been her hair was different, or she might have had a top on I'd never seen before.. anyway, when I said "You're looking really well this morning" she turned on me and said "Why? Did I not look well yesterday or any other day?". So a compliment was taken as an insult!! I just had to be careful not to say anything that could be taken as controversial!!

You seem to recognise that you are being over sensitive rather than it's people are being deliberately insensitive. It's a good start!! I suppose all you can do is try to recondition your thinking. Retrain yourself to not be the one being picked on. Retrain yourself to realise people aren't plotting against you!

I wish you well, you are definitely more self aware than that woman I worked with. And even with her being 'over sensitive', she was still a lovely woman, and I was very fond of her... So all is not lost even if you are a bit over sensitive!!

I agree with you to a certain extent as regards to trying not to let others get you down but I do think there are people in this world who are just downright rude and obnoxious and think they have the god damn right to go around and say whatever they want to people without any thought or regard to others peoples feelings. These are the people you need to try to ignore completely.

In the past I have been guilty of letting one thing that someone said offend me highly and completely dismiss that person thereafter but with age, I've learnt to be more tolerant.

People who are highly sensitive have high emotional intelligence which is actually a great thing to have. I'm lucky that in my line of work, I can use my skills of perception to my advantage.

I worked with a lady recently who thought exactly the way I do and it was such a joy to have someone understand my way of thinking. I do think that it can be very hard to find like minded people but they are out there.

It's just about trying to find a balance on being sensitive which is actually good thing in my books to letting everyone else's actions and words upset you. You need to learn to rationally box people's comments and actions into who is genuinely an obnoxious person to others who just don't think about what they say and are harmless enough. Of which where are many.

freshpopcorn

Ranaldol can you provide us with a few examples of why you think your over sensitive?
As I said earlier being sensitive is great when you can express your feelings but if people are afraid you'll burst into tears or that they'll make you miserable over the slightest comment it may be an issue in my honest opinion!

pinkypinky

Elaine Aron's book is great - though I identified with so much of it that it was a hard read.

milli milli

ronaldol wrote: »

Anyone here admit to being a highly sensitive person? I don't have any friends. I feel being a HSP maybe something to do with it. How do i stop being so sensitive?

OP when I was in college I asked the counsellor how do I become less sensitive. I had tried over the years to toughen up but it just didn't work.
She told me that I shouldn't try to change who I was. It was a big part of being me.

I think as you get older, it becomes somewhat easier. I've seeked out similar people to myself which has helped. And I try not to take things personally. Everyone is going through their own crap. We all show love differently.
It really isn't personal, the way others treat you.

Being sensitive is awesome - you see and feel things much more intensely than other people. The world can be a very beautiful place.
Of course you also feel the pain more intensely too and that can be overwhelming. The downside is the world can seem very dark and ugly.

It is a challenge alright but I do love the sensitive part of myself and I value it in others too. Best of luck OP.

Feeling sad!

milli milli wrote: »

OP when I was in college I asked the counsellor how do I become less sensitive. I had tried over the years to toughen up but it just didn't work.
She told me that I shouldn't try to change who I was. It was a big part of being me.

I think as you get older, it becomes somewhat easier. I've seeked out similar people to myself which has helped. And I try not to take things personally. Everyone is going through their own crap. We all show love differently.
It really isn't personal, the way others treat you.

Being sensitive is awesome - you see and feel things much more intensely than other people. The world can be a very beautiful place.
Of course you also feel the pain more intensely too and that can be overwhelming. The downside is the world can seem very dark and ugly.

It is a challenge alright but I do love the sensitive part of myself and I value it in others too. Best of luck OP.

I love the way you explained how nice it is to be sensitive. I love looking at things in depth and feeling things so deep. It does become easier as you get older and you also have more of a chance to meet people who are like you.

OP after I read your post I looked up highly sensitive people on Pinterest, I found a pin that described me so well. About hating bull****, liking genuine people, loving depth etc. I definitely agree that you just need to become more in tune with yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Try to take the positives from it.

ronaldol

''I've seeked out similar people to myself which has helped.''
How & Where Milli Milli?
Unfortunately i used to work with obnoxious people & it was very hard for me. I couldn't express myself.
I find bullies always pick me out & belittle me behind my back & i can't seem to stop it.

milli milli

ronaldol wrote: »

''I've seeked out similar people to myself which has helped.''
How & Where Milli Milli?
Unfortunately i used to work with obnoxious people & it was very hard for me. I couldn't express myself.
I find bullies always pick me out & belittle me behind my back & i can't seem to stop it.

I was also the victim of bullies too. As I got older though I learned to stand up for myself. It was a gradual thing though. I used to be very, very soft and people would walk all over me.
I don't put up with that kind of behaviour now. I would still be nice to people but I just won't tolerate bad treatment.

I live and work independently so I don't have much office politics to put up with. I'm very independent so I walk away from toxic people if I can. I know sometimes you can't avoid toxic people, but have as little to do with them as possible. It's part of the challenges of life to deal with these kind of people, so it's a learning experience.

"How & Where Milli Milli?"
I think it's a case of 'finding your tribe'.
Just trial and error with meeting people. I work in a creative field and in general the people I encounter are quite positive people, they love their jobs. Generally artistic people are sensitive.

Bullies and obnoxious people aren't happy people - there's something 'off' with them, the anger and bitterness is spilling out of them onto others.
It might sound 'simple' but seek out happy people and positive situations.

It's no harm to learn some assertiveness skills either. You can still keep your lovely, soft nature but in order to survive in this world, you need to be equipped to deal with all sorts of people.

P.S. Standing up for yourself is hard and at the start it can be difficult. Sometimes I'd get really upset afterwards. I don't like confrontational situations. I just want everyone to get along.
But it gets easier.

ronaldol

Stupid question i know but how did you learn to stand up for yourself? I don't know how much more i can take.

pinkypinky

I find this podcast helpful: http://highlysensitiveperson.net/hsppodcast/

freshpopcorn

ronaldol wrote: »

Stupid question i know but how did you learn to stand up for yourself? I don't know how much more i can take.

Can you give us an example of where you might need to stand up for yourself?

milli milli

ronaldol wrote: »

Stupid question i know but how did you learn to stand up for yourself? I don't know how much more i can take.

It was a gradual thing for me. Just got fed up of people walking all over me.
If someone seemed to have a problem with me in a work situation I'd just take them to one side and calmly ask if there was a problem. One time the girl said there wasn't, but clearly there was.

I also hate when people talk behind others backs so if there was any kind of bickering I'd say in as diplomatic a way as possible, that they should speak to that person in question. Bitching to us about it wouldn't solve any problems.

I just hate passive-aggression. But calling people up on it, no matter how well-intentioned you are, sometimes works, sometimes doesn't.

I keep meaning to take assertive classes. I would be quite assertive now but there is always something to learn.
I think that might help you OP.

One thing I learned that if someone says something bitchy to you in front of others (not having the craic messing but bitchy) and they laugh, you ask them to repeat what they've just said. I think when it's repeated, there's no humour and the statement stands there as it is - a bitchy statement. Doesn't make the person look good.

santana75

Op are you aware that there is a strong co-relation between high sensitivity and childhood trauma. Theres a book By Jasmin lee cori Called Healing trauma which is excellent. Worth a look as I know of someone who treated his trauma over a period of time and became less and less sensitive. Its not something you're born with so definitely a situation you can change through work.